Thankful heart ...

Hi Friends,
I write tonight with a very full, very thankful heart ... It’s been another busy, but good week ... I would like to report that God continues to provide and sustain, but He’s really doing so much MORE than just providing and sustaining ... He’s healing, filling my heart with thanksgiving and praise! I don’t know if that means anything to any of you, but that is a very intimate answer to a very intimate prayer, for which I did not think would come for a very, very long time.

We are just getting back home from an evening with the family in Bucyrus, ‘at the farm’ ... too short of a visit, but for a school night it had to be that way. We were working on thank yous together and I am overwhelmed (I seem to be using that word a lot, lately) that even with FOUR of us, we were still unable to get all of them done in one evening ... how is that possible?! Some who know us well might say ‘too much talking’, but I say no, no, no ... we were all business (ok, maybe a little girl talk) ... I place the majority of the blame on God ... He’s on the move and has been using so many of you to bless us ... family, old friends, new friends AND complete strangers ... I lost track of how many names were on the list for which I thought for sure ONE OF US would know, once we were all together ... but as we all sat together going through the names, we just shook our heads ... He overwhelms me with His provision ... and His love ... Thank you for allowing Him to use you, to bless and speak to us.

As I drove back home, the kids (& Gracie) started to settle down in the back seat and I turned on some praise music to hear one of my all time favorites, ‘Word of God Speak’ ...

I’m finding myself at a loss for words .. and the funny thing is, it’s okay ... the last thing I need, is to be heard ... but to hear what you would say ... Word of God speak ... would you pour down like rain ... washing my eyes to see your majesty ... to be still and know you’re in this place ... please let me stay and rest in your Holiness ... Word of God speak ...

I'm in awe of the divine inspiration behind these songs ... it is as they say: music is the language for our Souls ... at that very moment, it’s exactly what I wanted to say, at the very moment I wanted to say it to Him ... and I am thankful that He knew it ...

Finding myself in the midst of you .. beyond the music, beyond the noise ... all that I need is to be with you .. In the quiet, hear your voice ...

Earlier this week, I had a crazy, crazy thought ... crazy like my peace ... I find it very interesting that for the first time in my entire life, I have the very rare opportunity to be completely dependent on my Creator ... to take care of me ... take care of my kids ... to provide for our finances ... to feed our tummies ... to direct my decisions ... to provide for my newly beautiful nails :) My entire life, I’ve had someone else on which I was dependent, or who was responsible for me ... but now it’s just me ... and Him. But the REALLY crazy thing about that thought is that I’m kind of excited about it! I KNOW!! You’re probably shaking your head right along with me ... even as I type it, I just can’t believe that something like being dependent on a God who is unseen, unpredictable and often slow to answer would be exciting (in a few months, I'm hoping you don't have to remind me that I WAS excited at one point) ... but He has ALREADY shown me His provision over and over and His love abundant through so many ... I just know there is more! Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually ... I know there’s more!

I’m finding myself at a loss for words ... and the funny thing is, it’s okay.

Small confession ... while I’ve been ‘talking things over’ with the Lord, He convicted me on something that I want to make publicly right ... I’ve been kind of flippant about all that God has done through David and my CaringBridge journal. I was very frustrated when people would thank ME our encourage ME for what was written throughout these months ... my complaint to the Lord has been something like, ‘you blew it, God!’ (give or take a few words) ... God, instead of them saying ‘look at her faith’, they could be saying ‘look at her God!’ ... but through different conversations with friends and lots and lots of ‘chats’ with my Jesus, He has reminded me of the many, many people whose lives have been changed ... really changed ... the Guestbook and my email is full of them, to God be the glory! Not one or two, but MANY ... and I know there are many we don’t even know about, but hope to some day ... all of our walks with God are so much stronger, more real ... I still don’t get it ... some are new to Him all together and others have moved out of ‘religion’ to ‘relationship’ ... He has shown me that these lives that we are changing (by your testimony, too, friends!) ARE NOT to be flippant about, but they are changes for His Kingdom ... now there are MANY more people who may not be saying ‘look at HER God’, as I imagined ... but they are saying ‘MY God!’ Even if for a time they might be crying to Him in pain or frustration, they are still calling out TO HIM and leaning on HIM, trusting and even believing that He WILL show Himself to be faithful to us ... and some day, I know He will show Himself to be faithful to them, too ... so much more than we could every expect or imagine ... I am so thankful ... Oh God, my heart can’t handle it ...

I’m finding myself at a loss for words ... and the funny thing is, it’s okay ... the last thing I need, is to be heard ... but to hear what you would say ... Word of God speak ...

Thank you, Lord, for washing my eyes to see your majesty ... More Lord, More!