I was recently reading a devotion on a man who almost missed Christmas. Expecting a current day story of someone, I was surprised to find the focus on Joseph, Mary’s husband-to-be. As a God-fearing man, Joseph had every lawful right to turn Mary away. But if he had allowed the traditions of the law to overcome his love for Mary, he would have missed that very first Christmas, and the coming of the Christ Child ... as well as ALL that God had for him in the years to follow, as his earthly father.
As we get caught up in trying to 'think and plan' through the season, I wonder how many of our ‘traditions’ are actually causing us to MISS Christmas. Ironic, isn't it?! As we deck the halls and buy the presents and bake the cookies, if this is what it’s about, then why are we exhausted and cranky?! These weeks fly past so fast only to be greeted with the ‘holiday let down’ in the weeks to follow. Seems like there should be more to come out of all the prep, doesn’t it?!!
How DID Christmas get so complicated? I’m pretty sure Jesus was never surrounded by bows of holly and fancy treats. Remembering the story, He came to us in a cold, dark barn with no smells of gingerbread or peppermint ... I’m actually encouraged by this revelation because right now, my house looks like a bunch of animals live here!! But you know, the condition of our home or heart is never clean enough BEFORE He arrives ... He did not come for those who have it all together ... He came to do the cleaning and restoring, Himself ... I imagine that manger was pretty dirty and stinky before it became a throne ...
It is Christ who changes everything.
It’s a scary thing to put aside traditions and ignore those screaming ‘to do’ lists. But much like Joseph and Mary were asked to do that silent night years ago, all we are really asked to do in this season is to RECEIVE HIM!! He does not require ceremony or decoration ... He just needs a place to lay His head. We have an enemy who would love for us to miss Him ... and to keep it complicated, he distracts us with things that 'seem' to be of the right heart. Wanting the house to be 'decked out' and all ready for family to come SEEMS right ... but even if we are able to get it all done, if what we do is not in preparation for Jesus, it will ultimately disappoint ... our family needs to see the Light of the World, not the artificial lights on the tree ... our hearts are designed to receive Him, and Him alone ... nothing else will fill.
Much like Joseph, we find ourselves with a choice: the love of our traditions, or our love of Him. Is there room in our hearts for Jesus, this season? Or, just the Inn Keepers of old, will we turn Him away because there is there no more room? Imagine what all those Inn Keepers missed that night!! Imagine what Joseph would have missed if he had stayed with what he had known and been taught all his life? Don’t miss that it is a choice. I encourage you to not miss another day of a true ‘season of preparation’ ... open your heart and RECEIVE all that Jesus has come to be!!
OUR KING IS COMING!!! PREPARE YE THE WAY!!!
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Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Marketing God ...
Recently in my Mom’s Group, we were discussing the role that trials play in our lives and someone made the statement, ‘I know God wants us to suffer for Him, but ...’ I missed a lot of what she said next because that statement literally hurt my heart ... I can’t explain it, but I couldn’t get past it.
Does God really WANT us to suffer for Him? It sounded just right enough to almost accept it, but something kept me from moving on. Often, one of satan’s lies begins with a subtle distortion of truth ... he rarely comes right out with a black/white lie because those are easier to spot ... it’s the gray ones that you have to watch out for ... if he can just tweak the truth ever so slightly ... those are much harder to discern, and often more dangerous.
I recognized that she’s not alone in her thought, as I believe many of us who have been through hard times have just accepted that suffering and trials are a normal part of the Christian walk, though often begrudgingly. Interesting enough, many who haven’t yet experienced their ‘unthinkable circumstance’ are often walking in fear of WHEN that seemingly inevitable day will come for them. In some Christian circles, there might even be a concensus that suffering is necessary to be ‘godly’, or at the very least as Christians, we should be ‘willing’ to suffer, if it’s asked of us. It seems like we are walking from ‘trial to trial’, instead of from ‘glory to glory’, as the Bible instructs.
It got me thinking ... what DOES God intend with suffering? Does He cause it? Does He allow it? Does He want it for us?
As a student of marketing/advertising, I’ve had many a discussion with God about parts of the Christian walk that are not very ‘marketable’ – things that wouldn’t go well in a ‘God brochure’, if you know what I mean. Suffering certainly qualifies as one of those unmarketable things, no matter what font you use! And trust me, I’ve combed my own ‘agreement’ with Him more than once looking for the paragraph, thinking what in the heck have I signed up for?!? It must be buried in the small print, somewhere!! In the Bible, Jesus and others are very clear that trials SHOULD be an expected part of our Christian walk. There really isn’t much pussyfooting around John 16 where Jesus says ‘In this world you will have trouble’ ... pretty clear stuff ... although we do often quit reading there, when the best part is next: ‘But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ PRAISE JESUS!!
So, the distortion in truth isn’t the part about us suffering or not suffering ... along with these words, the Bible also gives us many examples of those who HAVE suffered in their walk before us. But contrary to common complaints against God, I was very interested to discover how few of those examples were actually ‘caused’ by Him.
Does God CAUSE suffering?
This is an interesting question to me because it seems that most of us, believers or not, blame God for our suffering. And yet, the only example I could find in the Bible of God actually CAUSING suffering was in the case of His son, Jesus ... In a prophetic passage from Isaiah 43, it does say ‘the Lord’s will was to crush [Jesus] and to cause [Jesus] to suffer.’ To 'cause’ someone to do something means to ‘make it happen’ ... this Scripture is saying that God was the SOURCE of the actions that caused Jesus to suffer; implying that if God had NOT caused it to be, it would not have been. Is that overwhelming to anyone else? The fact that the only example in the Bible of God causing someone to suffer was of His Son ... FOR ME ... overwhelms my heart! And yet, how quickly am I to accuse God in my suffering when the only suffering He has caused was to Jesus, for the purpose of saving me from an eternity of suffering? Ironic, isn’t it?? Or maybe the word I’m looking for is ‘selfish’?!
Does God ALLOW suffering?
To me, there is a difference between ‘allowing’ and ‘causing’ and the dictionary agrees ... ‘To allow’ means ‘to permit, to concede, to accept’, implying the person giving the permission does have the ultimate control, but is not doing the actual action. In contrast, remember that ‘to cause’ means ‘to make it happen’, implying the person in control is doing the actual action ... a point that can not go unnoticed is that no matter whether God is ‘causing’ or ‘allowing’, He IS in control (PRAISE GOD!). To me, this difference is huge when understanding the character of God, maybe you disagree? Maybe it’s just me, but understanding that God does not cause suffering but MAY allow it makes a big difference in my ability to trust Him. Does it for you?
Most examples of suffering in the Bible are either a consequence of one’s sin or ALLOWED by God for purposes that are varied, but not always clarified. The story of the Prodigal Son is an example of suffering caused by sin (selfishness), which interestingly enough, I think we can all readily accept. Isn’t it funny how quickly we can accept someone elses suffering for them, especially when we consider them to be a ‘sinner’?! (Matthew 7:3-5 comes to mind)
However, when we read about the suffering of Job, one of God’s faithful, we can’t get to the end of the chapter fast enough where it tells us that God blessed the latter part of Job’s life, more than the first. Ahhh, that’s much better reading!! But coming from someone who feels like much of her walk is right out of the pages of Job, I am completely honest when I say that the promise of being blessed later does not help one get through the ‘allowing to suffer’ part ... at all! New daughters just do not replace the loss of the ones you loved first.
But after questioning God a great deal about Job’s story, He showed me something ... for years, I’ve heard teaching on it, but it never made sense to me ... it always seemed so uncharacteristic of God to seemingly pick on one of His most faithful servants, just to settle a wager with satan, the deceiver?! And let’s be honest, when we are in the midst of our ‘allowing to suffer’, isn’t it the character of God that we often question? As I questioned God on this particular example of ‘allowing to suffer’, He lead me to Job 42, which I believe is what the Book of Job is all about ... and consequently, what I believe to be the point of all ‘allowing to suffer’.
Giving context to this portion of the story, Job has just finished pounding on the chest of God, asking Him, ‘Why, God why?” ... maybe you’ve been there? God answers him with something like ‘who do you think you are’, which is an entirely different discussion on it’s own ... but for now, I want to focus on Job’s response to God’s answer ...
Job’s response: Job 42:5-6
“My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
This story isn’t about God grandstanding with satan and poor Job getting in the middle of it (although satan would surely like to lead us in assassinating God’s character in that way) ... God wasn’t picking on Job ... He was promoting him!! While God did ‘allow’ satan to run havoc and chaos in Job’s life (and I’m sure satan thought he was even winning for a time), I believe God’s intention in Job’s suffering was so that Job would be promoted in his faith to the point of SEEING GOD!! Do not miss the point that at the end of ourselves is where we see God ... Once we see who we are, next to Him, everything drops into place ... our priorities, our responsibilities, our roles. I can totally testify to this as I remember the very day I discovered who I was next to God ... David had been diagnosed and I was huddled in the corner of a hospital bathroom, completely helpless and terrified ... priorities, responsibilities and roles fell right into place ... and yet, here in the midst of Job’s unjust suffering, the Bible testifies that Job was satisfied!! How is that possible?! Job asked a lot of questions and didn’t really get ANY ‘real’ answers ... and neither have I ... ‘but now my eyes have seen you’ ... I believe Job’s satisfaction is a sole result of this experience with God in chapter 42. I believe that the fact God blessed him more in his later years didn’t even matter to Job because HE HAD EXPERIENCED GOD ... the One who gives and takes away!
Does God cause suffering? He did cause Jesus’ suffering.
Does God allow suffering? The Bible show us yes, many times over and over.
Does He want us to suffer? It was not His original plan (no suffering in Garden of Eden), but in this fallen world, if it corrects our path or is what it takes for us to see Him, then yes, He does!
But perhaps the more relevant question is what do we do in and as a result of our suffering and trials? Will we keep our eyes inward, asking ‘why, God why’ or justifying why we should be ‘protected’ from suffering? Is it our ‘righteousness’ that should protect us? Is satan telling us, ‘if God loved you, He wouldn’t allow you to suffer?’ Or maybe satan is saying ‘you made your bed, now you get to lie in ... you deserve to suffer’. The truth is, we ALL deserve to suffer ... none of us are exempt from sin and the penalty of sin is death ... BUT GOD!!
There is only one answer for satan ... Jesus!! Who is more righteous or more loved by God than Jesus? And yet He suffered beyond anything we can comprehend ... we can’t even watch it in videos, let alone imagine living it. But, we can’t have a Sunday, without the Friday!! His suffering at the hand of our Father was FOR US to receive our own resurrection (life!) in our own suffering ... He has walked that path ahead of us, THANK YOU JESUS!
For the past couple years, I have actually been praying that God would change my heart so that I would truly understand and believe Paul’s crazy words in 1Peter 4, where he says ‘Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But REJOICE that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.’
I really like the ‘overjoyed in His glory’ part, but ‘do not be surprised by painful trial’ and ‘rejoice in sufferings’ ?!? Not so much! But I think I’m starting to get it ... when we KNOW that our suffering is going to lead us to an experience with God (His glory revealed), we can truly rejoice in the midst of our ‘allowing to suffer’. Unfortunately, there’s that pesky, unmarketable ‘death to self’ issue that lingers somewhere in between ...
But, I’m starting to understand that ‘marketable’ isn’t what Jesus came to be.
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Does God really WANT us to suffer for Him? It sounded just right enough to almost accept it, but something kept me from moving on. Often, one of satan’s lies begins with a subtle distortion of truth ... he rarely comes right out with a black/white lie because those are easier to spot ... it’s the gray ones that you have to watch out for ... if he can just tweak the truth ever so slightly ... those are much harder to discern, and often more dangerous.
I recognized that she’s not alone in her thought, as I believe many of us who have been through hard times have just accepted that suffering and trials are a normal part of the Christian walk, though often begrudgingly. Interesting enough, many who haven’t yet experienced their ‘unthinkable circumstance’ are often walking in fear of WHEN that seemingly inevitable day will come for them. In some Christian circles, there might even be a concensus that suffering is necessary to be ‘godly’, or at the very least as Christians, we should be ‘willing’ to suffer, if it’s asked of us. It seems like we are walking from ‘trial to trial’, instead of from ‘glory to glory’, as the Bible instructs.
It got me thinking ... what DOES God intend with suffering? Does He cause it? Does He allow it? Does He want it for us?
As a student of marketing/advertising, I’ve had many a discussion with God about parts of the Christian walk that are not very ‘marketable’ – things that wouldn’t go well in a ‘God brochure’, if you know what I mean. Suffering certainly qualifies as one of those unmarketable things, no matter what font you use! And trust me, I’ve combed my own ‘agreement’ with Him more than once looking for the paragraph, thinking what in the heck have I signed up for?!? It must be buried in the small print, somewhere!! In the Bible, Jesus and others are very clear that trials SHOULD be an expected part of our Christian walk. There really isn’t much pussyfooting around John 16 where Jesus says ‘In this world you will have trouble’ ... pretty clear stuff ... although we do often quit reading there, when the best part is next: ‘But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ PRAISE JESUS!!
So, the distortion in truth isn’t the part about us suffering or not suffering ... along with these words, the Bible also gives us many examples of those who HAVE suffered in their walk before us. But contrary to common complaints against God, I was very interested to discover how few of those examples were actually ‘caused’ by Him.
Does God CAUSE suffering?
This is an interesting question to me because it seems that most of us, believers or not, blame God for our suffering. And yet, the only example I could find in the Bible of God actually CAUSING suffering was in the case of His son, Jesus ... In a prophetic passage from Isaiah 43, it does say ‘the Lord’s will was to crush [Jesus] and to cause [Jesus] to suffer.’ To 'cause’ someone to do something means to ‘make it happen’ ... this Scripture is saying that God was the SOURCE of the actions that caused Jesus to suffer; implying that if God had NOT caused it to be, it would not have been. Is that overwhelming to anyone else? The fact that the only example in the Bible of God causing someone to suffer was of His Son ... FOR ME ... overwhelms my heart! And yet, how quickly am I to accuse God in my suffering when the only suffering He has caused was to Jesus, for the purpose of saving me from an eternity of suffering? Ironic, isn’t it?? Or maybe the word I’m looking for is ‘selfish’?!
Does God ALLOW suffering?
To me, there is a difference between ‘allowing’ and ‘causing’ and the dictionary agrees ... ‘To allow’ means ‘to permit, to concede, to accept’, implying the person giving the permission does have the ultimate control, but is not doing the actual action. In contrast, remember that ‘to cause’ means ‘to make it happen’, implying the person in control is doing the actual action ... a point that can not go unnoticed is that no matter whether God is ‘causing’ or ‘allowing’, He IS in control (PRAISE GOD!). To me, this difference is huge when understanding the character of God, maybe you disagree? Maybe it’s just me, but understanding that God does not cause suffering but MAY allow it makes a big difference in my ability to trust Him. Does it for you?
Most examples of suffering in the Bible are either a consequence of one’s sin or ALLOWED by God for purposes that are varied, but not always clarified. The story of the Prodigal Son is an example of suffering caused by sin (selfishness), which interestingly enough, I think we can all readily accept. Isn’t it funny how quickly we can accept someone elses suffering for them, especially when we consider them to be a ‘sinner’?! (Matthew 7:3-5 comes to mind)
However, when we read about the suffering of Job, one of God’s faithful, we can’t get to the end of the chapter fast enough where it tells us that God blessed the latter part of Job’s life, more than the first. Ahhh, that’s much better reading!! But coming from someone who feels like much of her walk is right out of the pages of Job, I am completely honest when I say that the promise of being blessed later does not help one get through the ‘allowing to suffer’ part ... at all! New daughters just do not replace the loss of the ones you loved first.
But after questioning God a great deal about Job’s story, He showed me something ... for years, I’ve heard teaching on it, but it never made sense to me ... it always seemed so uncharacteristic of God to seemingly pick on one of His most faithful servants, just to settle a wager with satan, the deceiver?! And let’s be honest, when we are in the midst of our ‘allowing to suffer’, isn’t it the character of God that we often question? As I questioned God on this particular example of ‘allowing to suffer’, He lead me to Job 42, which I believe is what the Book of Job is all about ... and consequently, what I believe to be the point of all ‘allowing to suffer’.
Giving context to this portion of the story, Job has just finished pounding on the chest of God, asking Him, ‘Why, God why?” ... maybe you’ve been there? God answers him with something like ‘who do you think you are’, which is an entirely different discussion on it’s own ... but for now, I want to focus on Job’s response to God’s answer ...
Job’s response: Job 42:5-6
“My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
This story isn’t about God grandstanding with satan and poor Job getting in the middle of it (although satan would surely like to lead us in assassinating God’s character in that way) ... God wasn’t picking on Job ... He was promoting him!! While God did ‘allow’ satan to run havoc and chaos in Job’s life (and I’m sure satan thought he was even winning for a time), I believe God’s intention in Job’s suffering was so that Job would be promoted in his faith to the point of SEEING GOD!! Do not miss the point that at the end of ourselves is where we see God ... Once we see who we are, next to Him, everything drops into place ... our priorities, our responsibilities, our roles. I can totally testify to this as I remember the very day I discovered who I was next to God ... David had been diagnosed and I was huddled in the corner of a hospital bathroom, completely helpless and terrified ... priorities, responsibilities and roles fell right into place ... and yet, here in the midst of Job’s unjust suffering, the Bible testifies that Job was satisfied!! How is that possible?! Job asked a lot of questions and didn’t really get ANY ‘real’ answers ... and neither have I ... ‘but now my eyes have seen you’ ... I believe Job’s satisfaction is a sole result of this experience with God in chapter 42. I believe that the fact God blessed him more in his later years didn’t even matter to Job because HE HAD EXPERIENCED GOD ... the One who gives and takes away!
Does God cause suffering? He did cause Jesus’ suffering.
Does God allow suffering? The Bible show us yes, many times over and over.
Does He want us to suffer? It was not His original plan (no suffering in Garden of Eden), but in this fallen world, if it corrects our path or is what it takes for us to see Him, then yes, He does!
But perhaps the more relevant question is what do we do in and as a result of our suffering and trials? Will we keep our eyes inward, asking ‘why, God why’ or justifying why we should be ‘protected’ from suffering? Is it our ‘righteousness’ that should protect us? Is satan telling us, ‘if God loved you, He wouldn’t allow you to suffer?’ Or maybe satan is saying ‘you made your bed, now you get to lie in ... you deserve to suffer’. The truth is, we ALL deserve to suffer ... none of us are exempt from sin and the penalty of sin is death ... BUT GOD!!
There is only one answer for satan ... Jesus!! Who is more righteous or more loved by God than Jesus? And yet He suffered beyond anything we can comprehend ... we can’t even watch it in videos, let alone imagine living it. But, we can’t have a Sunday, without the Friday!! His suffering at the hand of our Father was FOR US to receive our own resurrection (life!) in our own suffering ... He has walked that path ahead of us, THANK YOU JESUS!
For the past couple years, I have actually been praying that God would change my heart so that I would truly understand and believe Paul’s crazy words in 1Peter 4, where he says ‘Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But REJOICE that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.’
I really like the ‘overjoyed in His glory’ part, but ‘do not be surprised by painful trial’ and ‘rejoice in sufferings’ ?!? Not so much! But I think I’m starting to get it ... when we KNOW that our suffering is going to lead us to an experience with God (His glory revealed), we can truly rejoice in the midst of our ‘allowing to suffer’. Unfortunately, there’s that pesky, unmarketable ‘death to self’ issue that lingers somewhere in between ...
But, I’m starting to understand that ‘marketable’ isn’t what Jesus came to be.
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Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Something out of nothing ...
Thank you to everyone for your prayers for the weekend. Keeping true to form of one of my adventures, it did not lack excitement. While this one didn’t involve lost computers, nearly missed flights, detours or cars breaking down, this one DID include a trip to the emergency room :( An emergency room in West Virginia, about two hours into the trip, to be more exact! I’m not kidding ... can’t make these things up!!
Shelley and I grabbed a quick lunch before getting on our way and we had made it to the south side of Columbus when I started to develop a really bad side ache. After another half hour or so, I finally told Shelley about it and asked her to stop a minute to let me try to ‘walk it out’. I walked for about 20 minutes and we got back on our way, but the pain just kept getting worse. After a couple more longer stops, we made it to I-75 but were not on it long before we had to pull over for me to throw up, the pain was getting so bad. Starting to get a little overwhelmed, we discussed looking for an Urgent Care. Getting off at the next exit, there was a hospital sign right at the bottom of the exit and with a quick right it was literally right there! Taking that as a sign that I’d better have it checked out, Shelley dropped me at the entrance and parked the car.
This is a good place to mention that in West Virginia, there is no ‘urgent’ in Urgent Care ... just saying. I’m not sure how long we waited to be seen, but I’m thinking it was at least an hour ... the pain was so intense, I could only pace the hallways while waiting, still throwing up from time-to-time. As I paced, I really struggled not to answer Self Pity knocking at my door. I fully recognized the situation as warfare, but frankly I’m just tired of it. It didn’t help that there were a couple of ‘locals’ also waiting to be seen who felt it necessary to offer their personal diagnoses of my condition ... ‘I’ll bet it’s your appendix’ ... ‘Have you ever had kidney stones’ ... ‘Honey, you don’t look good at all’ ... a couple of them even felt it necessary to expand on their thoughts to tell me that when they had THEIR appendix out, they were in the hospital several days and had a ‘huge incision that never fully healed’ ... Seriously! Can’t make these things up ...
As I paced, I prayed ... pleading for mercy, really. For this conference, I had spent the last few weeks preparing a couple of teachings on which I would be evaluated. Being faced with the possibility of missing the conference all together, my mind raced over details ... Should I send Shelley on to the conference alone? I don’t want her to miss her opportunity ... Could I make it another 45 minutes to Charleston where the hospitals were bigger and better? If I get admitted to the hospital, and send Shelley on, could anyone come down to be with me ... Can I do this alone?
As my mind jumped around, the Holy Spirit spoke softly ... Jill, remember the message in your talks ...
I thought 'good idea, I could be practicing during this delay' and immediately, my talks started coming back to me ... From my testimony, Job 42:1 ‘I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.’ ... From my teaching on Genesis 1:1, ‘nothingness is precisely what God wants from us’ ... ‘until we realize our 'nothingness', we can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over us with anticipation ... ‘He brings order out of chaos’ ... ‘life out of death’ ... ‘light into darkness’ ... ‘greatness out of nothing’.
The question was, were these just talks or were these actual truths I could actually APPLY as chaos was again showing itself? The million dollar question: Did I believe what I was selling?
My 'practicing' turned to praying through those truths ... I wish I could report that my attitude immediately turned a 180, but I was still breathing through the pain when my name was finally called. After a blood draw, an exam, a CTscan and three shots of morphine (PRAISE GOD FOR DRUGS!) the diagnosis was official ... a kidney stone. Seriously ... can’t make this stuff up!
They assured me it was small enough to ‘process naturally’, so no need for anything but ‘meds to go’ (PRAISE GOD, both for the meds and the ‘to go’ part). So after the 4-hour tour of the ER, the morphine cocktail had dulled the pain and with a fist full of percocet and a promise of a ‘rolling stones’ weekend ahead (sorry, I know that was REALLY bad), we were back on the road! I was able to give into ‘lala land’ for a little bit and a couple hours later I was finally starting to feel well enough to offer to drive for a little bit, but for some reason Shelley seemed to think my slurred speech would raise concern if we were to be stopped. Yeah right, like we would ever be stopped!!
With poor Shelley doing it all herself, we finally made it safely to the hotel a little before 2am and what I believe to be the miracle of the weekend (WARNING, graphic detail ahead), I went potty and ‘tink, tink’ there was my rolling stone!! SIMPLY AMAZING! I have never heard of a stone being passed so quickly ... that is if you can call 12 stinkin hours of intense pain to be 'so quickly'!! I’m actually thinking of having it placed into a charm to remind me of God’s faithfulness ... NOT!!!!
My evaluations all went very well and I was VERY thankful to enjoy the weekend without learning how much time percocet adds to a timed talk. I received very positive feedback, but they didn't really have any other opportunities for speakers, which I thought they would. Those on the writer’s track had opportunity to meet with actual publishers, but there really wasn’t anyone like that for speakers to meet. It WAS really encouraging to learn that people other than just family and friends enjoyed and were challenged with the messages I shared. The Holy Spirit was also DEFINITELY present throughout the weekend and God gave me a lot to chew on with Him in the weeks to come. I guess what I need to do ‘next’ is just spend some time deciding if this is something in which I’m ready to step out. As terrified as I am to put this into type, I think the weekend did confirm for me that He IS calling me to do this, but having the courage to step out of the boat is a whole other Bible study.
And the Holy Spirit speaks softly ... Jill, remember the message of your talks ...
‘I know that God can do all things; no plan of His can be thwarted’ ... ‘nothingness is precisely what God wants from you, Jill’ ... ‘until you realize your 'nothingness', you can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over you with anticipation ... ‘He brings order out of your chaos’ ... ‘life out of death’ ... ‘light into your darkness’ ... ‘greatness out of your nothing’.
Nothingness. Can it really be all that He’s asking from me?
So I’m back to where I started with asking for your prayers before the weekend started (minus the kidney stone, of course) ... please continue to pray that I would remember my nothingness as I step out into what He’s calling me to do. I find it completely God-like of Him to speak a message into my heart that I ‘thought’ was for others, but ended up being for ME ... not just for this weekend, but for the path ahead. I wouldn’t be honest if I pretended that this idea of ‘nothingness’ didn’t completely terrify my, but at the same time it’s completely welcoming and almost familiar ... almost like it’s what has always been meant to be ... kind of like home.
Nothingness. Isn’t that something ...
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Shelley and I grabbed a quick lunch before getting on our way and we had made it to the south side of Columbus when I started to develop a really bad side ache. After another half hour or so, I finally told Shelley about it and asked her to stop a minute to let me try to ‘walk it out’. I walked for about 20 minutes and we got back on our way, but the pain just kept getting worse. After a couple more longer stops, we made it to I-75 but were not on it long before we had to pull over for me to throw up, the pain was getting so bad. Starting to get a little overwhelmed, we discussed looking for an Urgent Care. Getting off at the next exit, there was a hospital sign right at the bottom of the exit and with a quick right it was literally right there! Taking that as a sign that I’d better have it checked out, Shelley dropped me at the entrance and parked the car.
This is a good place to mention that in West Virginia, there is no ‘urgent’ in Urgent Care ... just saying. I’m not sure how long we waited to be seen, but I’m thinking it was at least an hour ... the pain was so intense, I could only pace the hallways while waiting, still throwing up from time-to-time. As I paced, I really struggled not to answer Self Pity knocking at my door. I fully recognized the situation as warfare, but frankly I’m just tired of it. It didn’t help that there were a couple of ‘locals’ also waiting to be seen who felt it necessary to offer their personal diagnoses of my condition ... ‘I’ll bet it’s your appendix’ ... ‘Have you ever had kidney stones’ ... ‘Honey, you don’t look good at all’ ... a couple of them even felt it necessary to expand on their thoughts to tell me that when they had THEIR appendix out, they were in the hospital several days and had a ‘huge incision that never fully healed’ ... Seriously! Can’t make these things up ...
As I paced, I prayed ... pleading for mercy, really. For this conference, I had spent the last few weeks preparing a couple of teachings on which I would be evaluated. Being faced with the possibility of missing the conference all together, my mind raced over details ... Should I send Shelley on to the conference alone? I don’t want her to miss her opportunity ... Could I make it another 45 minutes to Charleston where the hospitals were bigger and better? If I get admitted to the hospital, and send Shelley on, could anyone come down to be with me ... Can I do this alone?
As my mind jumped around, the Holy Spirit spoke softly ... Jill, remember the message in your talks ...
I thought 'good idea, I could be practicing during this delay' and immediately, my talks started coming back to me ... From my testimony, Job 42:1 ‘I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.’ ... From my teaching on Genesis 1:1, ‘nothingness is precisely what God wants from us’ ... ‘until we realize our 'nothingness', we can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over us with anticipation ... ‘He brings order out of chaos’ ... ‘life out of death’ ... ‘light into darkness’ ... ‘greatness out of nothing’.
The question was, were these just talks or were these actual truths I could actually APPLY as chaos was again showing itself? The million dollar question: Did I believe what I was selling?
My 'practicing' turned to praying through those truths ... I wish I could report that my attitude immediately turned a 180, but I was still breathing through the pain when my name was finally called. After a blood draw, an exam, a CTscan and three shots of morphine (PRAISE GOD FOR DRUGS!) the diagnosis was official ... a kidney stone. Seriously ... can’t make this stuff up!
They assured me it was small enough to ‘process naturally’, so no need for anything but ‘meds to go’ (PRAISE GOD, both for the meds and the ‘to go’ part). So after the 4-hour tour of the ER, the morphine cocktail had dulled the pain and with a fist full of percocet and a promise of a ‘rolling stones’ weekend ahead (sorry, I know that was REALLY bad), we were back on the road! I was able to give into ‘lala land’ for a little bit and a couple hours later I was finally starting to feel well enough to offer to drive for a little bit, but for some reason Shelley seemed to think my slurred speech would raise concern if we were to be stopped. Yeah right, like we would ever be stopped!!
With poor Shelley doing it all herself, we finally made it safely to the hotel a little before 2am and what I believe to be the miracle of the weekend (WARNING, graphic detail ahead), I went potty and ‘tink, tink’ there was my rolling stone!! SIMPLY AMAZING! I have never heard of a stone being passed so quickly ... that is if you can call 12 stinkin hours of intense pain to be 'so quickly'!! I’m actually thinking of having it placed into a charm to remind me of God’s faithfulness ... NOT!!!!
My evaluations all went very well and I was VERY thankful to enjoy the weekend without learning how much time percocet adds to a timed talk. I received very positive feedback, but they didn't really have any other opportunities for speakers, which I thought they would. Those on the writer’s track had opportunity to meet with actual publishers, but there really wasn’t anyone like that for speakers to meet. It WAS really encouraging to learn that people other than just family and friends enjoyed and were challenged with the messages I shared. The Holy Spirit was also DEFINITELY present throughout the weekend and God gave me a lot to chew on with Him in the weeks to come. I guess what I need to do ‘next’ is just spend some time deciding if this is something in which I’m ready to step out. As terrified as I am to put this into type, I think the weekend did confirm for me that He IS calling me to do this, but having the courage to step out of the boat is a whole other Bible study.
And the Holy Spirit speaks softly ... Jill, remember the message of your talks ...
‘I know that God can do all things; no plan of His can be thwarted’ ... ‘nothingness is precisely what God wants from you, Jill’ ... ‘until you realize your 'nothingness', you can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over you with anticipation ... ‘He brings order out of your chaos’ ... ‘life out of death’ ... ‘light into your darkness’ ... ‘greatness out of your nothing’.
Nothingness. Can it really be all that He’s asking from me?
So I’m back to where I started with asking for your prayers before the weekend started (minus the kidney stone, of course) ... please continue to pray that I would remember my nothingness as I step out into what He’s calling me to do. I find it completely God-like of Him to speak a message into my heart that I ‘thought’ was for others, but ended up being for ME ... not just for this weekend, but for the path ahead. I wouldn’t be honest if I pretended that this idea of ‘nothingness’ didn’t completely terrify my, but at the same time it’s completely welcoming and almost familiar ... almost like it’s what has always been meant to be ... kind of like home.
Nothingness. Isn’t that something ...
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Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Prayer for nothing ...
Just sending out a real quick prayer request to those who have been following and praying for us. Tomorrow, I'm following through on a fleece I put out before God a few months ago. An opportunity came up to attend a conference where I could investigate and possibly pursue a speaking and writing ministry. The ability to go was blocked by other commitments I already had on my calendar, but over time, God closed those other doors and has seemingly opened this one, including providing the money to attend. So in keeping with 'my part of the deal', I'm taking door #3!! At this conference, I will get to meet with and talk to women who are already in speaking and writing ministries, as well as some 600 other gals who are like me and also feeling called to join them. I will also get a chance to be 'evaluated' as a speaker, which is both exciting and terrifying.
Even though so many have encouraged me to pursue this path, I want to be sure that God is in it and it's not just about me going after one more thing to fill or fix anything inside me. God has shown me that nothing outside of Him can fill those needs and I'm just no longer interested in pursuing anything else. One of the talks God has had me prepare to share for this conference is based on the Job 42:2 "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." My second talk is based on Genesis 1:1 and the reality of our nothingness before Him. Here's an excerpt from that teaching:
I would appreciate your prayers for travel, as well as over the whole weekend, especially over my need to 'perform', rather than be who God wants me to be and say what God wants me to say. I know who I am without Him and it will take WAY more of Him than me to make this work.
I'm attending along with my Sis-in-Law (Shelley R) who is going to be participating in the 'writer's track' to also pursue what God has put on her heart. We leave tomorrow (Thurs). My evaluations are Friday and Saturday evening (not sure when Shelley's meetings are), and then we return late Sunday. I will keep you posted with how things go and, God willing, will have much to share with you from the refreshing, Spirit filled weekend!!
In Christ alone,
Jill
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Even though so many have encouraged me to pursue this path, I want to be sure that God is in it and it's not just about me going after one more thing to fill or fix anything inside me. God has shown me that nothing outside of Him can fill those needs and I'm just no longer interested in pursuing anything else. One of the talks God has had me prepare to share for this conference is based on the Job 42:2 "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." My second talk is based on Genesis 1:1 and the reality of our nothingness before Him. Here's an excerpt from that teaching:
- "Nothing is precisely what God wants from us. Until we realize our 'nothingness', we can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over us with anticipation. God is a Creator by nature; He brings order out of chaos, life out of death, light into darkness and greatness out of nothing. It is our formless, dark, empty, chaotic nothingness that allows us to draw near to the ever expansive love of Jesus, where He becomes our everything. We bring Him our nothingness and He exchanges it for His everything ... that's a pretty good deal! How great is our God!"
I would appreciate your prayers for travel, as well as over the whole weekend, especially over my need to 'perform', rather than be who God wants me to be and say what God wants me to say. I know who I am without Him and it will take WAY more of Him than me to make this work.
I'm attending along with my Sis-in-Law (Shelley R) who is going to be participating in the 'writer's track' to also pursue what God has put on her heart. We leave tomorrow (Thurs). My evaluations are Friday and Saturday evening (not sure when Shelley's meetings are), and then we return late Sunday. I will keep you posted with how things go and, God willing, will have much to share with you from the refreshing, Spirit filled weekend!!
In Christ alone,
Jill
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Thursday, June 9, 2011
When a hero falls ...
My heart is still heavy over the news of Jim Tressel resigning in the midst of controversy and scandal. I bounce between being angry, then sad, then frustrated, then angry again, then disappointed ... Some days, I seriously think I need to be mentally evaluated! It may sound crazy, but I’ve actually had to stop and spend some time with God about it, asking Him to show me why in the world this event has created such a reaction in me? I’ve never even met Coach Tressel (although we did receive a nice hand-written note of encouragement from him while David was in the hospital). True, I’ve been known to bleed scarlet and gray from a very young age, but seriously, it’s JUST A TEAM!! Why does it matter SO much?!
A couple months ago, I started to work through an issue with God that He had brought to my attention. I truly thought we had made some headway in it and had actually stopped thinking about it ... until this thing with Coach Tressel seemed to bring it all to surface again. The issue is one of feeling ‘entitled’ to something from God. Does that hit a chord with anyone? I, personally, hate the word ‘entitlement’ and hate even more the attitude of entitlement that is running rampant through our society. It’s one of my ‘hot buttons’ as I truly believe it’s one of the major diseases of the heart that is ruining our world ... and then one day, God told me to ‘get that plank out of my own eye’ and revealed to me how I was actually living like I was ‘entitled’ ... to certain things from Him.
I don’t know how you handle when God puts His finger on something ugly in your life, but in my seasoned walk with God, my first response always seems to be to outright deny it :) And for as long as I can get away with it, I might pretend I didn’t hear Him in hopes that the crazy thought will go away with the indigestion from last night’s pizza!! Then in continuing in my spiritual maturity, after He lets me stew on it for a few days/weeks/months, I MIGHT get brave enough to acknowledge it, but only just enough to make excuses for it. After all, doesn’t the Bible tell us that as Believers, we ARE entitled to some things from God?! His favor? His protection? His love? If I worship Him, doesn’t that entitle me to His presence? If I make sacrifices for him, doesn’t that entitle me to His love? If I keep His commands and do His deeds, doesn’t that entitle me to His favor? What about His protection, I’m sure that’s in there SOMEWHERE!
And that’s pretty much how my journaling and conversations went with the Lord for weeks, going around and around with Him trying to convince Him that I was ‘justified’ in my expectations of regularly receiving SOMETHING from Him in return for my ‘devotion’. I laid before Him all kinds of passages from the Bible like Psalm 5:12 (For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield), Psalm 18:20 (The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness), Psalm 91:9 ( If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge— then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent). My arrogance can not go unmentioned in my ‘self proclamation’ of righteousness, but that’s another issue for another day. [heavy sigh]
But God is good ... and patient ... and He had much to say to me about EACH exhibit I was all too eager to lay out for my defense (or for to His prosecution, however you want to look at it). In that time spent with Him, a change started to take place in my heart as I started to be renewed in the revelation that EVERYTHING is from Him and Him alone! That seems so ‘Genesis 101’, but that truth started to make its way from my head to my heart and I became overwhelmed with the further truth that only by the grace of what Jesus did for me on the cross am I even able to partake in ANYTHING from Him. As Believers, we’re not ENTITLED to anything, but everything is a GIFT to those who believe (Galatians 3:22). Think about it ... Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control ... all good things, ALL GIFTS of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22), and the Holy Spirit, Himself, was given to us as a GIFT by the Father after Jesus came and went (John 14:16). The ‘rewards of the righteous’ are GIFTS that await us in Heaven, but I also believe they are available to us on Earth, but only through the fruit of the Spirit (through Love, through Joy, through Peace, through Kindness, etc...). Even that I may someday be considered righteous is an overwhelming GIFT available only through the blood of Jesus (Rom 5:17) ... Oh Jesus, thank you!!! And the download just kept coming ... I don’t worship to receive His presence, it is because of His presence that I HAVE to worship!! I don’t follow His commands and do His deeds to receive His blessing, it is because He has blessed me so greatly that I WANT to bless others!! I don’t offer grace and mercy to offers just so I can get a pass from Him, it is because I've experienced grace and mercy from Him that I know that gift and that experience makes me compassionate for others and actually EASY to be full of grace and mercy towards them!! How great is our God!?!
I think with Coach Tressel, the reason it created such a reaction in me is that with all heroes, we see something in them that we someday hope to become ... and when our hero falls, our hope of becoming like them falls, too. That’s why it’s personal. That explains the excuses we make for them and the injustice we feel in the process. It’s an all-too-close reminder of how imperfect we, ourselves, are and how likely we are to make the same mistakes ... But oh, if not by grace!! Have any of us lied to protect our kids? Have any of us mislead or deceived in hopes of saving a bad situation from becoming a worse situation? Ever? I’m not saying what Coach Tressel did was right, but I am saying I’m full of grace for him because I have received grace, myself ... many times, in many ways.
As I presented Coach Tressel’s case before God, asking Him why Coach wasn’t ‘protected’ from this situation, declaring him ‘righteous’ and ‘entitled’, I was challenged with the thought ‘If this was about a non-Christian, would you be so strong to defend, so full of grace?’. It stopped me in my tracks. While I know now that I WILL be going forward, at that time, I couldn’t honestly answer ‘yes’. I realized I was playing the ‘entitlement card’ again, oh Lord have mercy. That for some reason because Coach is a Christian, he was 'entitled' to be spared from this scandal, receive a pass for his mistakes. But Jesus tells us in Luke 12:48, 'From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.'
The truth is, we are ALL in need of mercy and grace, Christian or not. Romans 3:23 says ‘we all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God’, which is why we need the blood of Jesus to be our grace and mercy when we stand before the Lord to give account for all that we have failed in. But none of us are entitled to it and there is nothing we can do to earn it. Grace and mercy are gifts. As Believers in Christ, we are entitled to nothing, but given everything. I still can’t get my head around how big that really is ... it’s the Mystery of Christ and the power of the Cross. The Good News is Jesus, the Promise Everlasting and for all of us in need of a hero, Jesus is our one true Hero ... The ONLY one to whom we can always look up and hope to become like ... but even more importantly, He alone is the Hero that will NEVER fall!!
Thank you, Jesus!!
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A couple months ago, I started to work through an issue with God that He had brought to my attention. I truly thought we had made some headway in it and had actually stopped thinking about it ... until this thing with Coach Tressel seemed to bring it all to surface again. The issue is one of feeling ‘entitled’ to something from God. Does that hit a chord with anyone? I, personally, hate the word ‘entitlement’ and hate even more the attitude of entitlement that is running rampant through our society. It’s one of my ‘hot buttons’ as I truly believe it’s one of the major diseases of the heart that is ruining our world ... and then one day, God told me to ‘get that plank out of my own eye’ and revealed to me how I was actually living like I was ‘entitled’ ... to certain things from Him.
I don’t know how you handle when God puts His finger on something ugly in your life, but in my seasoned walk with God, my first response always seems to be to outright deny it :) And for as long as I can get away with it, I might pretend I didn’t hear Him in hopes that the crazy thought will go away with the indigestion from last night’s pizza!! Then in continuing in my spiritual maturity, after He lets me stew on it for a few days/weeks/months, I MIGHT get brave enough to acknowledge it, but only just enough to make excuses for it. After all, doesn’t the Bible tell us that as Believers, we ARE entitled to some things from God?! His favor? His protection? His love? If I worship Him, doesn’t that entitle me to His presence? If I make sacrifices for him, doesn’t that entitle me to His love? If I keep His commands and do His deeds, doesn’t that entitle me to His favor? What about His protection, I’m sure that’s in there SOMEWHERE!
And that’s pretty much how my journaling and conversations went with the Lord for weeks, going around and around with Him trying to convince Him that I was ‘justified’ in my expectations of regularly receiving SOMETHING from Him in return for my ‘devotion’. I laid before Him all kinds of passages from the Bible like Psalm 5:12 (For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield), Psalm 18:20 (The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness), Psalm 91:9 ( If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge— then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent). My arrogance can not go unmentioned in my ‘self proclamation’ of righteousness, but that’s another issue for another day. [heavy sigh]
But God is good ... and patient ... and He had much to say to me about EACH exhibit I was all too eager to lay out for my defense (or for to His prosecution, however you want to look at it). In that time spent with Him, a change started to take place in my heart as I started to be renewed in the revelation that EVERYTHING is from Him and Him alone! That seems so ‘Genesis 101’, but that truth started to make its way from my head to my heart and I became overwhelmed with the further truth that only by the grace of what Jesus did for me on the cross am I even able to partake in ANYTHING from Him. As Believers, we’re not ENTITLED to anything, but everything is a GIFT to those who believe (Galatians 3:22). Think about it ... Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control ... all good things, ALL GIFTS of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22), and the Holy Spirit, Himself, was given to us as a GIFT by the Father after Jesus came and went (John 14:16). The ‘rewards of the righteous’ are GIFTS that await us in Heaven, but I also believe they are available to us on Earth, but only through the fruit of the Spirit (through Love, through Joy, through Peace, through Kindness, etc...). Even that I may someday be considered righteous is an overwhelming GIFT available only through the blood of Jesus (Rom 5:17) ... Oh Jesus, thank you!!! And the download just kept coming ... I don’t worship to receive His presence, it is because of His presence that I HAVE to worship!! I don’t follow His commands and do His deeds to receive His blessing, it is because He has blessed me so greatly that I WANT to bless others!! I don’t offer grace and mercy to offers just so I can get a pass from Him, it is because I've experienced grace and mercy from Him that I know that gift and that experience makes me compassionate for others and actually EASY to be full of grace and mercy towards them!! How great is our God!?!
I think with Coach Tressel, the reason it created such a reaction in me is that with all heroes, we see something in them that we someday hope to become ... and when our hero falls, our hope of becoming like them falls, too. That’s why it’s personal. That explains the excuses we make for them and the injustice we feel in the process. It’s an all-too-close reminder of how imperfect we, ourselves, are and how likely we are to make the same mistakes ... But oh, if not by grace!! Have any of us lied to protect our kids? Have any of us mislead or deceived in hopes of saving a bad situation from becoming a worse situation? Ever? I’m not saying what Coach Tressel did was right, but I am saying I’m full of grace for him because I have received grace, myself ... many times, in many ways.
As I presented Coach Tressel’s case before God, asking Him why Coach wasn’t ‘protected’ from this situation, declaring him ‘righteous’ and ‘entitled’, I was challenged with the thought ‘If this was about a non-Christian, would you be so strong to defend, so full of grace?’. It stopped me in my tracks. While I know now that I WILL be going forward, at that time, I couldn’t honestly answer ‘yes’. I realized I was playing the ‘entitlement card’ again, oh Lord have mercy. That for some reason because Coach is a Christian, he was 'entitled' to be spared from this scandal, receive a pass for his mistakes. But Jesus tells us in Luke 12:48, 'From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.'
The truth is, we are ALL in need of mercy and grace, Christian or not. Romans 3:23 says ‘we all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God’, which is why we need the blood of Jesus to be our grace and mercy when we stand before the Lord to give account for all that we have failed in. But none of us are entitled to it and there is nothing we can do to earn it. Grace and mercy are gifts. As Believers in Christ, we are entitled to nothing, but given everything. I still can’t get my head around how big that really is ... it’s the Mystery of Christ and the power of the Cross. The Good News is Jesus, the Promise Everlasting and for all of us in need of a hero, Jesus is our one true Hero ... The ONLY one to whom we can always look up and hope to become like ... but even more importantly, He alone is the Hero that will NEVER fall!!
Thank you, Jesus!!
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Saturday, March 12, 2011
When there is good ...
I was caught off guard by the emotions that came as I watched Emma try on the dress she would be wearing in David’s cousin’s wedding at the end of the month. She was just so big as she happily chattered about what flower girls do and so beautiful as she twisted and turned in front of the mirror, attempting to get a view of the big bow down her back. As she twirled, my heart compressed as I fought back the ache of wishing David could be a part of the moment ... our little girl as flower girl in Elaine’s wedding, who was the flower girl at our wedding ... and in that way your mind plays tricks on you, I pictured David walking into the room, snatching her up and twirling her around in his playful way, teasing her with how it’s not nice of the flower girl to be more beautiful than the bride! Tickling and kissing, as she laughed and squealed in protest ...
‘Mommy, why are you smiling?’, was the phrase that brought me back to the moment. ‘You’re just so beautiful and I was thinking of how Daddy would just be eating you up, ‘LIKE THIS!! ... and I tackled her with the hugs and kisses I knew David would have had for her.
I held onto that ache for a while that day ... I know that he has the ‘best seat in the house’ and quite often really, I hear him say ‘baby, I’m not missing a thing’ and while that does bring great comfort, I feel like it’s ME who is missing everything by not being able to share in these things with him ... hearing his laugh, seeing his smile, watching the kids benefit from the carefree way he loved me for so long ...
And then the revelation came ... when there is good, that is Him.
I don’t know about your walk with the Lord, but I sometimes struggle with feeling His presence. I’ve had those amazing moments in worship when I’m overwhelmed with the awe and fullness of everything He is! And I’ve had those moments when my insides shake as I’m talking with someone about what God is doing or that Jesus is coming soon ... but what I long for is that daily presence ... the companionship ... the consistent knowing that He’s in the house, or even right beside me, ALL the time.
James 1:17 says ‘all good things come from above’ ... It’s one of my favorite verses, and actually the one that David and I used at our wedding in attempt to express how we felt about each other: all good and from above. It’s really such a simple truth that I wonder if we’ve overlooked it altogether. So many times I struggle to know where God is and often insist that if I could just SEE Him or just FEEL Him, I could be more faithful ... and right there is this simple truth in James 1, ‘all good things come from above’ ... For the A+B=C person that I am, another way to look at it is all good = from above. So when you have that great conversation with your friend, the one when it’s time to pick up the kids ALREADY and you feel like you’ve just said ‘hello!’ ... that’s not only FROM Him, but that IS Him ... that’s His presence! When the dinner table conversation leads to giggles over the truth that you’ve snorted milk out of your nose, too ... that’s not just FROM Him, THAT is Him ... Okay, that one’s a reach, but you know what I’m trying to illustrate :) Just to be clear, when the conversation ends with yelling over snorted milk, that IS NOT Him!! :) Just clarifying, in case there's confusion ... When there is good, THAT is Him.
This revelation has really helped me in the fight for faith because for me, one of the biggest battles is questioning what is and what isn’t from Him. This week has been filled with devastating news of more destruction in the world through earthquakes, floods and fires and while we know these things must come to pass before the Lord’s return (Luke 21), in every single unthinkable event, there is something good going on. Every single time. I’ve been really struggling how to pray through these world events because in complete transparency, my heart is saying “BRING IT!!!! COME, LORD COME!!!” I was confiding in a friend that something HAS to be wrong when news of an earthquake and tsunami puts me in a GOOD mood!?!?! Is anyone with me on that, or not?! Okay, never mind then ... reality is that this recent devastation in Japan has killed thousands of people who did not know the Lord ... those are lost souls.
So how should we pray? In that chapter of Luke when Jesus tells us these things must happen, what does He say to do in that time? “Stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near” (Luke 21:23) ... So maybe my good mood isn’t completely sadistic because redemption IS the good news in this story and that IS Him and for Him, we SHOULD be crying out, ‘COME!!’ But not just for ourselves, we should be crying out for this gift of redemption for all those remaining ... that all who are watching these events have eyes to see Him, and all who have ears would hear His voice calling unto them ... and when we cry out, ‘God where are you’, just knowing that He IS the good in every situation should cause a desperation in us to seek and find what that good is in these times. Instead of dwelling in the ‘yuck’ of our days, we should be desperately searching for the good in it, because where there is good, that is where He is.
My business is really struggling and frankly, it’s not as fun as it used to be. Often, I have considered just closing it down and being done with it ... I think probably more because I just miss what it used to be. But each day that I consider that, I’m reminded that for some reason the bank account continues to support me and there is no reasonable business principle to explain it. I’m the only one left on staff and we can’t afford to advertise and by all accounts the industry is struggling so much that it shouldn’t be able to support us, either ... But God! And in that realization that it’s God who is sustaining the business ... even though it’s not always fun ... I make the decision that I’d rather be where I know God is, then to be where I don’t. I’ve decided that until I can no longer see Him in it, this is where I’m to be. When there is good, that IS Him.
When we were in the hospital with David, the days before he joined the Lord’s presence were very intense as his vital signs bounced all over the place. One particular night, we had sent out urgent prayer requests as his oxygen levels and blood pressure struggled to stabilize. I received a phone call from David’s Aunt who had received what she felt strongly was a Word from God ... “This is the night of the New Day! Rejoice and be Glad!” ... my spirit just soared with hope and joy and an uncontainable excitement that God was indeed answering our prayers!! She continued that she then heard David saying to her, “Because now I am a part of the love and peace that passes your understanding” ... At the time, even though I don’t think my mind and heart received what that truth meant for the situation, my Spirit was filled with joy for what God was doing ... It was not the first time He had spoken of a ‘New Day’ and here was a declaration that this was it!!! I remember that David’s Aunt was hesitant to share the Word with me because she didn’t know if it was ‘good news’ or not, and I now believe that perhaps that was the night that David started to leave us ... Regardless, I’m so very thankful for that Word given that night ... as with many things received during that time in my walk, I’m still sorting through much of it and as my heart continues to heal, those particular Words now bring great comfort to me in many ways ... First, it’s another encounter that reminds me GOD IS REAL and He does speak! His love and peace ARE real, and both are beyond our understanding ... Secondly, that David is a part of that now and while that has obvious comfort, what it really means to me is that when there is good, David is right there in it. Not just observing, but HE IS IN IT, he’s now A PART OF IT ... and that, too is beyond our understanding.
When I first received this revelation of ‘when there is good, that is Him’, I immediately thought it meant ‘Him’ with a capital ‘H’, meaning God. And while I’m sure that is a true statement, as Jesus has walked with me through the journaling, the gift He has given me is the understanding that ‘him’ also means David, too ... wherever there is good, Jesus is there and wherever Jesus is, David is with Him ... they are inseparable now, as is the promise to all of us for that day we join His presence. Can you imagine?!!! My Spirit just leapt again!
So this morning as I sit quietly in His presence, placing a couple more of His pieces into my puzzle, I start to remember many good things that have happened over the past couple years ... things that I never wanted to call good because David wasn’t there ... but in Jesus’ infinite kindness and gentleness, He is showing me a new way of seeing good. All those times that God kisses my checks with His sunshine, or brings me a beautiful angel or heart in the clouds, or refreshes my soul with laughter over something the kids have said or done, those are not just good moments from Him that David is observing from afar, but those are times I AM SHARING with David ... they are meant to be times when I can be with him again for a moment, rather than times to miss him ... all things good are from above and David is now a part of that.
Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the words “God is good”, doesn’t it? I know how it's changed the way I view good and how I seek good ... and for that, I'm very thankful.
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‘Mommy, why are you smiling?’, was the phrase that brought me back to the moment. ‘You’re just so beautiful and I was thinking of how Daddy would just be eating you up, ‘LIKE THIS!! ... and I tackled her with the hugs and kisses I knew David would have had for her.
I held onto that ache for a while that day ... I know that he has the ‘best seat in the house’ and quite often really, I hear him say ‘baby, I’m not missing a thing’ and while that does bring great comfort, I feel like it’s ME who is missing everything by not being able to share in these things with him ... hearing his laugh, seeing his smile, watching the kids benefit from the carefree way he loved me for so long ...
And then the revelation came ... when there is good, that is Him.
I don’t know about your walk with the Lord, but I sometimes struggle with feeling His presence. I’ve had those amazing moments in worship when I’m overwhelmed with the awe and fullness of everything He is! And I’ve had those moments when my insides shake as I’m talking with someone about what God is doing or that Jesus is coming soon ... but what I long for is that daily presence ... the companionship ... the consistent knowing that He’s in the house, or even right beside me, ALL the time.
James 1:17 says ‘all good things come from above’ ... It’s one of my favorite verses, and actually the one that David and I used at our wedding in attempt to express how we felt about each other: all good and from above. It’s really such a simple truth that I wonder if we’ve overlooked it altogether. So many times I struggle to know where God is and often insist that if I could just SEE Him or just FEEL Him, I could be more faithful ... and right there is this simple truth in James 1, ‘all good things come from above’ ... For the A+B=C person that I am, another way to look at it is all good = from above. So when you have that great conversation with your friend, the one when it’s time to pick up the kids ALREADY and you feel like you’ve just said ‘hello!’ ... that’s not only FROM Him, but that IS Him ... that’s His presence! When the dinner table conversation leads to giggles over the truth that you’ve snorted milk out of your nose, too ... that’s not just FROM Him, THAT is Him ... Okay, that one’s a reach, but you know what I’m trying to illustrate :) Just to be clear, when the conversation ends with yelling over snorted milk, that IS NOT Him!! :) Just clarifying, in case there's confusion ... When there is good, THAT is Him.
This revelation has really helped me in the fight for faith because for me, one of the biggest battles is questioning what is and what isn’t from Him. This week has been filled with devastating news of more destruction in the world through earthquakes, floods and fires and while we know these things must come to pass before the Lord’s return (Luke 21), in every single unthinkable event, there is something good going on. Every single time. I’ve been really struggling how to pray through these world events because in complete transparency, my heart is saying “BRING IT!!!! COME, LORD COME!!!” I was confiding in a friend that something HAS to be wrong when news of an earthquake and tsunami puts me in a GOOD mood!?!?! Is anyone with me on that, or not?! Okay, never mind then ... reality is that this recent devastation in Japan has killed thousands of people who did not know the Lord ... those are lost souls.
So how should we pray? In that chapter of Luke when Jesus tells us these things must happen, what does He say to do in that time? “Stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near” (Luke 21:23) ... So maybe my good mood isn’t completely sadistic because redemption IS the good news in this story and that IS Him and for Him, we SHOULD be crying out, ‘COME!!’ But not just for ourselves, we should be crying out for this gift of redemption for all those remaining ... that all who are watching these events have eyes to see Him, and all who have ears would hear His voice calling unto them ... and when we cry out, ‘God where are you’, just knowing that He IS the good in every situation should cause a desperation in us to seek and find what that good is in these times. Instead of dwelling in the ‘yuck’ of our days, we should be desperately searching for the good in it, because where there is good, that is where He is.
My business is really struggling and frankly, it’s not as fun as it used to be. Often, I have considered just closing it down and being done with it ... I think probably more because I just miss what it used to be. But each day that I consider that, I’m reminded that for some reason the bank account continues to support me and there is no reasonable business principle to explain it. I’m the only one left on staff and we can’t afford to advertise and by all accounts the industry is struggling so much that it shouldn’t be able to support us, either ... But God! And in that realization that it’s God who is sustaining the business ... even though it’s not always fun ... I make the decision that I’d rather be where I know God is, then to be where I don’t. I’ve decided that until I can no longer see Him in it, this is where I’m to be. When there is good, that IS Him.
When we were in the hospital with David, the days before he joined the Lord’s presence were very intense as his vital signs bounced all over the place. One particular night, we had sent out urgent prayer requests as his oxygen levels and blood pressure struggled to stabilize. I received a phone call from David’s Aunt who had received what she felt strongly was a Word from God ... “This is the night of the New Day! Rejoice and be Glad!” ... my spirit just soared with hope and joy and an uncontainable excitement that God was indeed answering our prayers!! She continued that she then heard David saying to her, “Because now I am a part of the love and peace that passes your understanding” ... At the time, even though I don’t think my mind and heart received what that truth meant for the situation, my Spirit was filled with joy for what God was doing ... It was not the first time He had spoken of a ‘New Day’ and here was a declaration that this was it!!! I remember that David’s Aunt was hesitant to share the Word with me because she didn’t know if it was ‘good news’ or not, and I now believe that perhaps that was the night that David started to leave us ... Regardless, I’m so very thankful for that Word given that night ... as with many things received during that time in my walk, I’m still sorting through much of it and as my heart continues to heal, those particular Words now bring great comfort to me in many ways ... First, it’s another encounter that reminds me GOD IS REAL and He does speak! His love and peace ARE real, and both are beyond our understanding ... Secondly, that David is a part of that now and while that has obvious comfort, what it really means to me is that when there is good, David is right there in it. Not just observing, but HE IS IN IT, he’s now A PART OF IT ... and that, too is beyond our understanding.
When I first received this revelation of ‘when there is good, that is Him’, I immediately thought it meant ‘Him’ with a capital ‘H’, meaning God. And while I’m sure that is a true statement, as Jesus has walked with me through the journaling, the gift He has given me is the understanding that ‘him’ also means David, too ... wherever there is good, Jesus is there and wherever Jesus is, David is with Him ... they are inseparable now, as is the promise to all of us for that day we join His presence. Can you imagine?!!! My Spirit just leapt again!
So this morning as I sit quietly in His presence, placing a couple more of His pieces into my puzzle, I start to remember many good things that have happened over the past couple years ... things that I never wanted to call good because David wasn’t there ... but in Jesus’ infinite kindness and gentleness, He is showing me a new way of seeing good. All those times that God kisses my checks with His sunshine, or brings me a beautiful angel or heart in the clouds, or refreshes my soul with laughter over something the kids have said or done, those are not just good moments from Him that David is observing from afar, but those are times I AM SHARING with David ... they are meant to be times when I can be with him again for a moment, rather than times to miss him ... all things good are from above and David is now a part of that.
Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the words “God is good”, doesn’t it? I know how it's changed the way I view good and how I seek good ... and for that, I'm very thankful.
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