Hi Friends,
I write tonight with a very full, very thankful heart ... It’s been another busy, but good week ... I would like to report that God continues to provide and sustain, but He’s really doing so much MORE than just providing and sustaining ... He’s healing, filling my heart with thanksgiving and praise! I don’t know if that means anything to any of you, but that is a very intimate answer to a very intimate prayer, for which I did not think would come for a very, very long time.
We are just getting back home from an evening with the family in Bucyrus, ‘at the farm’ ... too short of a visit, but for a school night it had to be that way. We were working on thank yous together and I am overwhelmed (I seem to be using that word a lot, lately) that even with FOUR of us, we were still unable to get all of them done in one evening ... how is that possible?! Some who know us well might say ‘too much talking’, but I say no, no, no ... we were all business (ok, maybe a little girl talk) ... I place the majority of the blame on God ... He’s on the move and has been using so many of you to bless us ... family, old friends, new friends AND complete strangers ... I lost track of how many names were on the list for which I thought for sure ONE OF US would know, once we were all together ... but as we all sat together going through the names, we just shook our heads ... He overwhelms me with His provision ... and His love ... Thank you for allowing Him to use you, to bless and speak to us.
As I drove back home, the kids (& Gracie) started to settle down in the back seat and I turned on some praise music to hear one of my all time favorites, ‘Word of God Speak’ ...
I’m finding myself at a loss for words .. and the funny thing is, it’s okay ... the last thing I need, is to be heard ... but to hear what you would say ... Word of God speak ... would you pour down like rain ... washing my eyes to see your majesty ... to be still and know you’re in this place ... please let me stay and rest in your Holiness ... Word of God speak ...
I'm in awe of the divine inspiration behind these songs ... it is as they say: music is the language for our Souls ... at that very moment, it’s exactly what I wanted to say, at the very moment I wanted to say it to Him ... and I am thankful that He knew it ...
Finding myself in the midst of you .. beyond the music, beyond the noise ... all that I need is to be with you .. In the quiet, hear your voice ...
Earlier this week, I had a crazy, crazy thought ... crazy like my peace ... I find it very interesting that for the first time in my entire life, I have the very rare opportunity to be completely dependent on my Creator ... to take care of me ... take care of my kids ... to provide for our finances ... to feed our tummies ... to direct my decisions ... to provide for my newly beautiful nails :) My entire life, I’ve had someone else on which I was dependent, or who was responsible for me ... but now it’s just me ... and Him. But the REALLY crazy thing about that thought is that I’m kind of excited about it! I KNOW!! You’re probably shaking your head right along with me ... even as I type it, I just can’t believe that something like being dependent on a God who is unseen, unpredictable and often slow to answer would be exciting (in a few months, I'm hoping you don't have to remind me that I WAS excited at one point) ... but He has ALREADY shown me His provision over and over and His love abundant through so many ... I just know there is more! Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually ... I know there’s more!
I’m finding myself at a loss for words ... and the funny thing is, it’s okay.
Small confession ... while I’ve been ‘talking things over’ with the Lord, He convicted me on something that I want to make publicly right ... I’ve been kind of flippant about all that God has done through David and my CaringBridge journal. I was very frustrated when people would thank ME our encourage ME for what was written throughout these months ... my complaint to the Lord has been something like, ‘you blew it, God!’ (give or take a few words) ... God, instead of them saying ‘look at her faith’, they could be saying ‘look at her God!’ ... but through different conversations with friends and lots and lots of ‘chats’ with my Jesus, He has reminded me of the many, many people whose lives have been changed ... really changed ... the Guestbook and my email is full of them, to God be the glory! Not one or two, but MANY ... and I know there are many we don’t even know about, but hope to some day ... all of our walks with God are so much stronger, more real ... I still don’t get it ... some are new to Him all together and others have moved out of ‘religion’ to ‘relationship’ ... He has shown me that these lives that we are changing (by your testimony, too, friends!) ARE NOT to be flippant about, but they are changes for His Kingdom ... now there are MANY more people who may not be saying ‘look at HER God’, as I imagined ... but they are saying ‘MY God!’ Even if for a time they might be crying to Him in pain or frustration, they are still calling out TO HIM and leaning on HIM, trusting and even believing that He WILL show Himself to be faithful to us ... and some day, I know He will show Himself to be faithful to them, too ... so much more than we could every expect or imagine ... I am so thankful ... Oh God, my heart can’t handle it ...
I’m finding myself at a loss for words ... and the funny thing is, it’s okay ... the last thing I need, is to be heard ... but to hear what you would say ... Word of God speak ...
Thank you, Lord, for washing my eyes to see your majesty ... More Lord, More!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
God has been busy ...
What a week! God has been busy ... and for that, I am very thankful.
The kids are back into their school routines and Isaac & Sam have even started into their baseball seasons ... we’ve been surrounded by meals and visits and prayers and encouraging phone calls and emails ... my Mom was with us throughout the first part of the week and then David’s Mom and my sister were here at the end ... my week was filled with phone calls and meetings with lawyers, insurance companies, employers while trying to catch up with the piles of bills and other personal and business stuff that has been sitting to the side for months ... busy, busy, busy ... which was good and bad.
I knew that what I really needed was some down time, to rest ... and to pray ... but I haven’t been able to speak to Him, let alone pray ... for some reason worship has continued to come easily, as I always seem to have a song on my heart, which I kept trying to fight until God revealed something to me about that, too (will share later). What has been frustrating is that over the past year, praying has become like breathing to me ... over this past week I would find myself starting to shoot up a little prayer but would then stop mid-thought when I remembered I wasn’t speaking to Him ... giving God the silent-treatment ... every try that? What I discovered is that I can't go very long without breathing ...
As the week went on, God continued to speak ... to comfort ... to love ... and I kept ignoring Him ... I went to breakfast with some friends on Thursday and through those conversations, He continued to encourage ... and to love. I returned to Bible Study on Friday morning ... more encouragement, more love ... and somewhere between here and there, I turned blue in the face and finally took in a deep, deep breath of Him.
In one of my devotionals (which I tried to ignore), the Lord lead me to Hebrews 6: 1-6 ...
Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instructions about baptism, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God willing, we will do so. It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the Word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting Him to public disgrace. Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.
Heady stuff, so let me share the same verses from The Message ...
So come on, let's leave the preschool fingerpainting exercises on Christ and get on with the grand work of art. Grow up in Christ. The basic foundational truths are in place: turning your back on "salvation by self-help" and turning in trust toward God; baptismal instructions; laying on of hands; resurrection of the dead; eternal judgment. God helping us, we'll stay true to all that. But there's so much more. Let's get on with it!
Once people have seen the light, gotten a taste of heaven and been part of the work of the Holy Spirit, once they've personally experienced the sheer goodness of God's Word and the powers breaking in on us—if then they turn their backs on it, washing their hands of the whole thing, well, they can't start over as if nothing happened. That's impossible. Why, they've re-crucified Jesus! They've repudiated him in public! Parched ground that soaks up the rain and then produces an abundance of carrots and corn for its gardener gets God's "Well done!" But if it produces weeds and thistles, it's more likely to get cussed out. Fields like that are burned, not harvested.
Are you hearing this? Now is not the time to get caught up in our childish ways, questioning if there is a God ... if He’s good ... we KNOW those answers and we can not allow the enemy to distract or delay us any longer from not only what we know to be true, but advancing ... maturing ... in Christ ... it would defeat everything that is intended for good from what we are all experiencing ... it re-crucifies Jesus! Not to mention the harvest that would be lost! I needed to hear 'Get on with it! ... Grow up! ... Let's keep going until we hear His words 'Well done!'
Once people have seen the Light ... tasted heaven ... the work of the Holy Spirit ... the sheer goodness of God’s Word and powers of the coming age ... if we turn our backs now, and pretend like nothing has happened, we are publicly disgracing Christ! Friends, we HAVE seen the Light ... we HAVE seen the work of the Holy Spirit ... we HAVE tasted a piece of heaven ... if we want to stay IN CHRIST and not loose all that we've gained, our only path is to move forward, giving praise for His sheer goodness ... trusting that our Father has taught us well enough when we were young in Him that when an assault on our faith comes at us ... like we have now ... not only should we KNOW that we can trust Him, but He should also be able to TRUST US to continue to be obedient and faithful ... even when we don't understand.
So, really nothing has changed ... even though everything has changed ... that is our great God. Even when our world is turned upside down, He never changes ... He is the rock to hold onto while the assault on our faith continues as we continue to fight for Truth ... the eternal truth that God IS good and He is in control. I will be honest in saying that I still have questions ... my sin of ‘need to know’ had me pretty stuck ... but with the encouragement and love of family & friends (I have so much to share about this love) ... and with the strength of my Jesus ... I have surrendered those questions at the foot of the cross for when ... or if ... my Father decides I am ready for answers. And for now, I turn from my childish ways and look forward to what He has for us next ... KNOWING He will take care of us (lots to share about this, too!)
So ... I'm back on the crazy bus ... crazy peace, crazy excitement ... many of my family and friends saved me a seat on what they also affectionately call the cuckoo bus ... but one thing He has said all along, and this scripture in Hebrews proclaimed again to me this week ... there is more ... and my Spirit says SO BE IT! More Lord, more!
I'm glad to have you along for the ride ... I have a feeling you might want to buckle up!
The kids are back into their school routines and Isaac & Sam have even started into their baseball seasons ... we’ve been surrounded by meals and visits and prayers and encouraging phone calls and emails ... my Mom was with us throughout the first part of the week and then David’s Mom and my sister were here at the end ... my week was filled with phone calls and meetings with lawyers, insurance companies, employers while trying to catch up with the piles of bills and other personal and business stuff that has been sitting to the side for months ... busy, busy, busy ... which was good and bad.
I knew that what I really needed was some down time, to rest ... and to pray ... but I haven’t been able to speak to Him, let alone pray ... for some reason worship has continued to come easily, as I always seem to have a song on my heart, which I kept trying to fight until God revealed something to me about that, too (will share later). What has been frustrating is that over the past year, praying has become like breathing to me ... over this past week I would find myself starting to shoot up a little prayer but would then stop mid-thought when I remembered I wasn’t speaking to Him ... giving God the silent-treatment ... every try that? What I discovered is that I can't go very long without breathing ...
As the week went on, God continued to speak ... to comfort ... to love ... and I kept ignoring Him ... I went to breakfast with some friends on Thursday and through those conversations, He continued to encourage ... and to love. I returned to Bible Study on Friday morning ... more encouragement, more love ... and somewhere between here and there, I turned blue in the face and finally took in a deep, deep breath of Him.
In one of my devotionals (which I tried to ignore), the Lord lead me to Hebrews 6: 1-6 ...
Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instructions about baptism, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God willing, we will do so. It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the Word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting Him to public disgrace. Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.
Heady stuff, so let me share the same verses from The Message ...
So come on, let's leave the preschool fingerpainting exercises on Christ and get on with the grand work of art. Grow up in Christ. The basic foundational truths are in place: turning your back on "salvation by self-help" and turning in trust toward God; baptismal instructions; laying on of hands; resurrection of the dead; eternal judgment. God helping us, we'll stay true to all that. But there's so much more. Let's get on with it!
Once people have seen the light, gotten a taste of heaven and been part of the work of the Holy Spirit, once they've personally experienced the sheer goodness of God's Word and the powers breaking in on us—if then they turn their backs on it, washing their hands of the whole thing, well, they can't start over as if nothing happened. That's impossible. Why, they've re-crucified Jesus! They've repudiated him in public! Parched ground that soaks up the rain and then produces an abundance of carrots and corn for its gardener gets God's "Well done!" But if it produces weeds and thistles, it's more likely to get cussed out. Fields like that are burned, not harvested.
Are you hearing this? Now is not the time to get caught up in our childish ways, questioning if there is a God ... if He’s good ... we KNOW those answers and we can not allow the enemy to distract or delay us any longer from not only what we know to be true, but advancing ... maturing ... in Christ ... it would defeat everything that is intended for good from what we are all experiencing ... it re-crucifies Jesus! Not to mention the harvest that would be lost! I needed to hear 'Get on with it! ... Grow up! ... Let's keep going until we hear His words 'Well done!'
Once people have seen the Light ... tasted heaven ... the work of the Holy Spirit ... the sheer goodness of God’s Word and powers of the coming age ... if we turn our backs now, and pretend like nothing has happened, we are publicly disgracing Christ! Friends, we HAVE seen the Light ... we HAVE seen the work of the Holy Spirit ... we HAVE tasted a piece of heaven ... if we want to stay IN CHRIST and not loose all that we've gained, our only path is to move forward, giving praise for His sheer goodness ... trusting that our Father has taught us well enough when we were young in Him that when an assault on our faith comes at us ... like we have now ... not only should we KNOW that we can trust Him, but He should also be able to TRUST US to continue to be obedient and faithful ... even when we don't understand.
So, really nothing has changed ... even though everything has changed ... that is our great God. Even when our world is turned upside down, He never changes ... He is the rock to hold onto while the assault on our faith continues as we continue to fight for Truth ... the eternal truth that God IS good and He is in control. I will be honest in saying that I still have questions ... my sin of ‘need to know’ had me pretty stuck ... but with the encouragement and love of family & friends (I have so much to share about this love) ... and with the strength of my Jesus ... I have surrendered those questions at the foot of the cross for when ... or if ... my Father decides I am ready for answers. And for now, I turn from my childish ways and look forward to what He has for us next ... KNOWING He will take care of us (lots to share about this, too!)
So ... I'm back on the crazy bus ... crazy peace, crazy excitement ... many of my family and friends saved me a seat on what they also affectionately call the cuckoo bus ... but one thing He has said all along, and this scripture in Hebrews proclaimed again to me this week ... there is more ... and my Spirit says SO BE IT! More Lord, more!
I'm glad to have you along for the ride ... I have a feeling you might want to buckle up!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
A New Journal ... A New Day
Hi Friends,
Welcome to my new journal ... I hope that you didn't have any problems finding me. I'm new to this site, too, so we'll see how this goes. If you want to be emailed when there is an update, you can subscribe with the subscribe link at the right. If you would like to comment and/or share your thoughts at any time, you can either sign the Guestbook on the right, or you can add comments to a specific post, too. I encourage you to participate in the discussions as you feel led, as I'm a huge believer that if we're going to walk, let's talk!
As I was researching and setting up this journal page, I found myself asking myself 'what exactly are you hoping to achieve?' To be honest, I really don't know what I'm expecting or even what I want out of it ... I'm just feeling led to continue the conversation because (1) I know that many are concerned for me and the kids and (2) I know He's not done with our story and I certainly don't want to stay where I'm at right now. I still believe that God has been speaking to us throughout the year and I believe that there is still more ... I guess that I'm hoping I can make some sense out of what I thought I was hearing versus what I'm seeing/experiencing and the only thing that makes sense is that He's just not done yet ... so ... I've decided to back up and review the things I believe He has said and try to figure out how it fits with what I know His character to be. I feel like I got to the end of a Sudoku puzzle and the last square just didn't work out ... how is it that even possible?
So, as I broaden my search to understand His character better, the first problem I'm having is getting back into the Word ... I've always believed that everything in the Bible is true and relevant ... that the Words promised to King David are also promises to us today ... the promises to rescue and restore, etc... If the Word is not meant for everyone, how do I know what is meant for me? I really felt we even had that question covered because so many times, we would 'coincidentally' be led to a verse that seemed to answer our needs at each specific turn. Is it possible we were just deceived? Or is it just a matter of our minds reading into the Word what we wanted to hear and see? Or is He STILL planning to fulfill the promises within, just not in the way that we expected it to be fulfilled. That third thought seems to be the most consistent with the Word, i.e. His timing is perfect (Hab 2:3), He does immeasurably more than what we can imagine (Eph 3:16-21) ... I know that it's possible we read into the Word what our own desires were, but I think we were very careful to process everything through the Spirit and I know that there were times that the Word showed me PLENTY of what I didn't want to hear or see ... so, I'm leaning towards the truth that every part of the Word IS true and IS relevant ... same God yesterday, today and tomorrow ... therefore, it must be just a matter of waiting for Him bring completion to what He has started (Phil 1:6) ... even if it DOES take until the day of Jesus Christ to complete it!
2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)
ALL SCRIPTURE is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
Psalms 119:160 (NIV)
Thy word is true from the beginning: and every one of thy righteous judgments endureth for ever.
As I continue to search for foundational truth, I think I will add this to my list for today ... Thy Word is true ... and here is where my choice comes in ... whether I choose to believe this truth, or not, it is still truth. So today, I choose to believe again.
Welcome to my new journal ... I hope that you didn't have any problems finding me. I'm new to this site, too, so we'll see how this goes. If you want to be emailed when there is an update, you can subscribe with the subscribe link at the right. If you would like to comment and/or share your thoughts at any time, you can either sign the Guestbook on the right, or you can add comments to a specific post, too. I encourage you to participate in the discussions as you feel led, as I'm a huge believer that if we're going to walk, let's talk!
As I was researching and setting up this journal page, I found myself asking myself 'what exactly are you hoping to achieve?' To be honest, I really don't know what I'm expecting or even what I want out of it ... I'm just feeling led to continue the conversation because (1) I know that many are concerned for me and the kids and (2) I know He's not done with our story and I certainly don't want to stay where I'm at right now. I still believe that God has been speaking to us throughout the year and I believe that there is still more ... I guess that I'm hoping I can make some sense out of what I thought I was hearing versus what I'm seeing/experiencing and the only thing that makes sense is that He's just not done yet ... so ... I've decided to back up and review the things I believe He has said and try to figure out how it fits with what I know His character to be. I feel like I got to the end of a Sudoku puzzle and the last square just didn't work out ... how is it that even possible?
So, as I broaden my search to understand His character better, the first problem I'm having is getting back into the Word ... I've always believed that everything in the Bible is true and relevant ... that the Words promised to King David are also promises to us today ... the promises to rescue and restore, etc... If the Word is not meant for everyone, how do I know what is meant for me? I really felt we even had that question covered because so many times, we would 'coincidentally' be led to a verse that seemed to answer our needs at each specific turn. Is it possible we were just deceived? Or is it just a matter of our minds reading into the Word what we wanted to hear and see? Or is He STILL planning to fulfill the promises within, just not in the way that we expected it to be fulfilled. That third thought seems to be the most consistent with the Word, i.e. His timing is perfect (Hab 2:3), He does immeasurably more than what we can imagine (Eph 3:16-21) ... I know that it's possible we read into the Word what our own desires were, but I think we were very careful to process everything through the Spirit and I know that there were times that the Word showed me PLENTY of what I didn't want to hear or see ... so, I'm leaning towards the truth that every part of the Word IS true and IS relevant ... same God yesterday, today and tomorrow ... therefore, it must be just a matter of waiting for Him bring completion to what He has started (Phil 1:6) ... even if it DOES take until the day of Jesus Christ to complete it!
2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)
ALL SCRIPTURE is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
Psalms 119:160 (NIV)
Thy word is true from the beginning: and every one of thy righteous judgments endureth for ever.
As I continue to search for foundational truth, I think I will add this to my list for today ... Thy Word is true ... and here is where my choice comes in ... whether I choose to believe this truth, or not, it is still truth. So today, I choose to believe again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)