Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Testing a new feed
In case this makes it through to everyone ... As some of you noticed and brought to my attention, I'm having trouble with the service that used to handle subscriptions to my blog. So, I'm testing a new one but am not real clear on the settings. If you get some of these random emails, please disregard and be patient with me as I work this out.
More blogging coming soon!!
THANK YOU!!!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Storm Recovery Status
Seems like a long time since Hurricane Sandy devastated the East Coast ... the storm was in October 2012, but I was reading recently that FEMA still has the relief effort listed on their website as victims are still needing help.
But that isn’t as shocking as hearing that Joplin, MO just last week received money from HUD to help their residents rebuild from the 2011 tornado ... or worse yet, there are still neighborhoods in New Orleans that have not yet been rebuilt from Hurricane Katrina which was in 2005!!
That’s what big storms do ... they come in fast and hard, often without warning, only to be gone just as quickly ... but always sure to leave evidence of its nondiscriminating malevolence on every corner ... taking what was once strong and beautiful and just strewing it carelessly across what seems like too far to travel ... destruction and injury as far as we’re willing to look ... and it just takes time to uncover and recover.
Time.
Last fall, my pastor taught a series on ‘Doubting God’, focusing on common doubts that plague both the churched and unchurched: Doubting God’s Existence, His Goodness, Doubting God’s Plan, Doubting God’s Power. I believe the type of unfathomable events we just discussed can directly result in these sort of doubts and have also led to a great deal of hopelessness both in and out of the church ... and in the same way storms steal and destroy power to our homes, hopelessness has the same effect on the power in the church ... it stresses and strains the lines that connect us (faith) to our power source (God), until eventually our faith just snaps ... and power is no more ... and we sit in the dark until Light can be restored.
For the last teaching on ‘Doubting God’s Power’ my pastor felt it would be effective for folks within the congregation to share personal testimonies and he asked me if I would be willing to share a testimony of God’s power in my own life. I was a little taken a back by this invitation because he knows my story and personally, I was really looking forward to the teaching, hoping to get hold of some real truths to combat my own chronic doubts!! Unless you consider HAVING lots of doubt as 'being worthy of testimony', I just wasn’t sure where he was going with this.
For those just joining my walk, I grew up in a Christian home and accepted Jesus at a very young age. I married my high-school sweetheart and after graduating college together, we were on our way to ‘happily ever after’.
My faith was first tested with the loss of my sister, Denise. She had struggled with cystic fibrosis all her life and she went Home to the Lord at a very young age. While that was a really hard time, I saw God in all of it and it just seemed right to let her go and I was able to stay close and continue in a strong walk with the Lord.
While that was all going on, my husband and I got involved in a small business with great friends and we did life really well for about 6-7 years ... but I was definitely living out of my own abilities and plans.
When the economy took a downturn, our little business started to have trouble and for some reason, I wasn’t able to fix it ... I was a very smart, capable gal who liked to do things above and beyond expectations but the harder I tried, the worse it seemed to get. This would be the start of what would become a shattering of my identity.
As I started to defend that identity, it put a strain on my business partnership, and the friendship ... at home, our family was growing ... having had three little ones under the age of 4, I was spinning too many plates, spread too thin and not doing anything well ... the strain of not being able to be who I wanted to be eventually started to strain our marriage and our home life and darkness just started moving in.
The whole time I was actively walking with God, involved in various ministries at church, tithing, fasting ... all of it ... to most people who knew me, I don’t think they would have ever known I was struggling at all ... but each day it was harder and harder to hear the kids laughing or to see the sun shining ... for those who have been through depression, you know the walls of the pit I’m describing.
I just couldn’t understand why God would take His hand off of our business ... why being a wife and a mom were so hard ... it was all from Him, dedicated to Him ... where was His favor, His blessing? I had served Him well, hadn’t I?!!
And this is when the storm of doubt started to brew ...
About 3-4 years into the darkness, my husband, David, was diagnosed with brain cancer. Surprisingly, we found ourselves in the book of Job, chapter 13 where Job says ‘though you slay me, yet I will hope in Him’ ... we thought ‘This is it! This is what all these trials have been about! This is where God is going to show His power and what a testimony we’ll have to share of His goodness and grace!’ We could just see ourselves walking into our destiny.
Everything in my being would love to tell you that that’s exactly what happened. But after 15 months of fighting, David went Home to the Lord. And I was devastated. Not even a month after David was gone, we had to close 2 of our businesses, one of which developed into a lawsuit that would then linger on for months.
Left with three young kids and a whole lot of broken dreams and promises everything I had known my entire adult life was gone ... I felt like I was caught up in a riptide, tumbling head over foot ... as I twisted and turned in the current of grief and confusion ... I couldn’t breathe or find my footing. You want to talk about doubting God’s existence, His goodness, His plan and His power ... I had it all!
Stay with me ...
Now you know when my pastor asked if I would be willing to share a testimony of God’s power in my life, why I didn’t get it ... Where is the power of God in this story?! How could you possibly ask ME to testify to His POWER? When I think of ‘power’, I think of miracles and healing and I just don’t have a testimony of that. But as I took my story before the Lord ONCE AGAIN and cried out to him ‘God, I just don’t get it!!’, He started to speak to me about His power ...
We often think of His power as the ‘moving of mountains’ or the ‘shaking of strongholds’ ... but sometimes His power is revealed in what is STILL STANDING after the shaking stops ... Proverbs 10:25 says ‘When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever. ‘
There are many stories in the Bible where Jesus silenced the storm or where God rescued His people from certain perilous times, but Paul also tells us in Romans that ‘suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.’ ... so it is the RESULT of some suffering that is far more powerful than being delivered FROM the suffering. The Kingdom of God is an ‘opposite world’ ... God tells us His ways are not our ways and because of that, we must learn His ways or risk missing Him altogether!
That’s what happened to many in Jesus’ time ... many missed Him altogether because they were looking for a ‘king that would conquer’ ... not for a King on a Cross. Even those closest to Him ... when He was captured it confused and terrified His followers ... to the point that all but one fled the city! Just think about what grief and torment would have been avoided if those closest to Him and had been listening to what Jesus told them ... if when He died they knew that they knew He was coming back! I picture preparation for a feast, rather than hiding in the Upper Room!!
His power revealed in surprising ways is common throughout the Word ... In 1Kings we read about Elijah running for his life ... He was hiding in a cave and God’s power showed up, but not in the way we would think ... first there was a great and powerful wind, then an earthquake, then fire ... It’s funny to me that satan knows us well and knows that any one of us seeking a ‘Lord Almighty’ would have walked out on that mountain ledge at ANY ONE of those powerful signs, only to be destroyed ... but Elijah knew His Shepherds voice and knew those signs were counterfeits ... and only when the gentle whisper came did he go out.
How many times do we miss Him because we’re looking for the bigger thing?
It reminds me of a story that Luci Swindoll once shared ... she’s a popular Bible teacher and she once shared a story of an Alaskan Cruise she went on with some friends and she was so excited to see whales ... when it came time for the tour, she disembarked the ship wrapped in a blanket of cameras and video equipment. So determined to not miss the whale that was sure to come, she sat perched with her camera to her eye ... for TWO HOURS ... but not a single whale. Finally frustrated, she puts the camera down and noticed on the glaciers they had been passing, a sea of penguins jumping in and out of the water just ‘showing off’ for her ... in her determination to see what she THOUGHT would be the ‘way God would bless the trip’, she almost missed the littlest of blessings of the penguins on the way!!
Again, how many times do we miss Him because we’re looking for the bigger thing when His Word shows us over and over His affinity for the lesser of all things.
In the Gospels, Jesus teaches us the power of turning the other cheek, NOT engaging in the fight ... in extending forgiveness and mercy, NOT in casting the first stone ... in dining with tax collectors and prostitutes, NOT in handing out condemnation ... He above all others certainly was in the position to do all of these things, but because He chose differently He reveals the POWER OF RESTRAINT.
It’s the same restraint He showed on the Cross ... It would have been an awesome scene for Jesus to call on legions of Angels waiting for Him to say the word ... but think about it ... if that would have happened, today He would just be a great man that we celebrate in our traditions ... instead, He RESTRAINED Himself for the bigger and better plan ... for His greater power to be revealed through His resurrection ... because He did that, our hope now is not just in a great king that once lived and led ... our hope is in a RESURRECTED SAVIOR who has defeated death once and for all!!
You see, I know God could have healed my David ... one word ... that’s all it would have taken ... much in the same way that I know He could have rescued Jesus from the cross ... and satan worked really hard to get me to live in offense and call Him ‘unfaithful’ when my whale watching didn’t turn out the way I had believed it would. But in the same way of the Cross, I now believe God actually SHOWED RESTRAINT in not healing David for a greater plan that I can’t see or comprehend ... through this experience, He is revealing to me a greater power than the power of healing ... don’t get me wrong, healing is VERY powerful and would have been an AWESOME thing to be able to testify ... but His GREATER power ... I believe His GREATEST POWER ... which was won at the cross is the RESURRECTION POWER of Christ ... it is the power of the resurrection that brings life out of death, beauty out of ashes, hope out of darkness ... whatever you want to call it, however you want to package it, it’s 100% Him ... resurrection is what happens when He breathes life into the very scene where death once was ... and that is the power to which I can now testify!
Romans 6:4 says ‘We were buried with Him by the baptism into death, so that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious [power] of the Father, so we too might live and behave in newness of life.’
Good news is that you don’t have to go through great loss in your own lives to experience and gain a testimony of this resurrection power ... when we accept Jesus and are baptized, this verse tells us just as Christ was raised from the dead ... with that very same resurrection power ... we can live and behave as a new person ... that’s resurrection power!!
I pray you can get a hold of that ... I know the darkness of death, so resurrection is very exciting to me!!
And what happens when we really get a hold of this? When we can actually witness and testify to this resurrection power in our lives? Let me close by jumping to Acts 4 and see what happened to the Apostles AFTER they witnessed the resurrection of Jesus ...
Acts 4:13-20
The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men with no special training in the Scriptures. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus. But since they could see the man who had been healed standing right there among them, there was nothing the council could say. So they ordered Peter and John out of the council chamber and conferred among themselves. “What should we do with these men?” they asked each other. “We can’t deny that they have performed a miraculous sign, and everybody in Jerusalem knows about it. But to keep them from spreading their propaganda any further, we must warn them not to speak to anyone in Jesus’ name again.” So they called the apostles back in and commanded them never again to speak or teach in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John replied, “Do you think God wants us to obey you rather than him? We cannot stop telling about everything we have seen and heard.”
When we experience the resurrection power of Jesus, we become courageous and we start to see miracles and ‘we cannot help but speak about what we have seen and heard.’ ==> SOUNDS LIKE POWER TO ME!
When we see the power of God in our lives, that encounter moves what we know from our head to our heart and we cannot help but to speak about it ... it changes us ... it’s like fixing the downed wires in our life caused by a storm and power is restored!!
So let me leave you with the same challenging question my pastor asked me ... can you share a testimony of God’s power in your life? Maybe it’s the power of forgiveness? The power of love for His people ... maybe you are privileged to signs and wonders everywhere you go ... that is my hope one day! I do know that the more I get to know Him, the more I recognize Him!
Maybe you are like I once was and maybe your struggling with doubt and feeling powerless ... maybe your storms have not involved the death of a loved one ... maybe the death you know is a different kind ... emotional, spiritual ... loss of a dream, loss of hope ...
If that is you, I encourage you to let me pray for you and to then get away with God and ask Him to speak to you about His power in your life ... don’t get so distracted with the shaking that is going on that you’re tempted to call Him unfaithful ... HE IS FAITHFUL ... He is good and He loves you ... please consider that God may be restraining Himself in your circumstances, so that you can know something greater about Him ... maybe He’s setting you up to experience His greatest power ... the power that Jesus won on the cross ... HIS RESURRECTION POWER!! While you’re in this ‘Friday’ of your walk, know that Sunday is coming!!
And it’s certainly going to be better than any stinkin whale!!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
But that isn’t as shocking as hearing that Joplin, MO just last week received money from HUD to help their residents rebuild from the 2011 tornado ... or worse yet, there are still neighborhoods in New Orleans that have not yet been rebuilt from Hurricane Katrina which was in 2005!!
That’s what big storms do ... they come in fast and hard, often without warning, only to be gone just as quickly ... but always sure to leave evidence of its nondiscriminating malevolence on every corner ... taking what was once strong and beautiful and just strewing it carelessly across what seems like too far to travel ... destruction and injury as far as we’re willing to look ... and it just takes time to uncover and recover.
Time.
Last fall, my pastor taught a series on ‘Doubting God’, focusing on common doubts that plague both the churched and unchurched: Doubting God’s Existence, His Goodness, Doubting God’s Plan, Doubting God’s Power. I believe the type of unfathomable events we just discussed can directly result in these sort of doubts and have also led to a great deal of hopelessness both in and out of the church ... and in the same way storms steal and destroy power to our homes, hopelessness has the same effect on the power in the church ... it stresses and strains the lines that connect us (faith) to our power source (God), until eventually our faith just snaps ... and power is no more ... and we sit in the dark until Light can be restored.
For the last teaching on ‘Doubting God’s Power’ my pastor felt it would be effective for folks within the congregation to share personal testimonies and he asked me if I would be willing to share a testimony of God’s power in my own life. I was a little taken a back by this invitation because he knows my story and personally, I was really looking forward to the teaching, hoping to get hold of some real truths to combat my own chronic doubts!! Unless you consider HAVING lots of doubt as 'being worthy of testimony', I just wasn’t sure where he was going with this.
For those just joining my walk, I grew up in a Christian home and accepted Jesus at a very young age. I married my high-school sweetheart and after graduating college together, we were on our way to ‘happily ever after’.
My faith was first tested with the loss of my sister, Denise. She had struggled with cystic fibrosis all her life and she went Home to the Lord at a very young age. While that was a really hard time, I saw God in all of it and it just seemed right to let her go and I was able to stay close and continue in a strong walk with the Lord.
While that was all going on, my husband and I got involved in a small business with great friends and we did life really well for about 6-7 years ... but I was definitely living out of my own abilities and plans.
When the economy took a downturn, our little business started to have trouble and for some reason, I wasn’t able to fix it ... I was a very smart, capable gal who liked to do things above and beyond expectations but the harder I tried, the worse it seemed to get. This would be the start of what would become a shattering of my identity.
As I started to defend that identity, it put a strain on my business partnership, and the friendship ... at home, our family was growing ... having had three little ones under the age of 4, I was spinning too many plates, spread too thin and not doing anything well ... the strain of not being able to be who I wanted to be eventually started to strain our marriage and our home life and darkness just started moving in.
The whole time I was actively walking with God, involved in various ministries at church, tithing, fasting ... all of it ... to most people who knew me, I don’t think they would have ever known I was struggling at all ... but each day it was harder and harder to hear the kids laughing or to see the sun shining ... for those who have been through depression, you know the walls of the pit I’m describing.
I just couldn’t understand why God would take His hand off of our business ... why being a wife and a mom were so hard ... it was all from Him, dedicated to Him ... where was His favor, His blessing? I had served Him well, hadn’t I?!!
And this is when the storm of doubt started to brew ...
About 3-4 years into the darkness, my husband, David, was diagnosed with brain cancer. Surprisingly, we found ourselves in the book of Job, chapter 13 where Job says ‘though you slay me, yet I will hope in Him’ ... we thought ‘This is it! This is what all these trials have been about! This is where God is going to show His power and what a testimony we’ll have to share of His goodness and grace!’ We could just see ourselves walking into our destiny.
Everything in my being would love to tell you that that’s exactly what happened. But after 15 months of fighting, David went Home to the Lord. And I was devastated. Not even a month after David was gone, we had to close 2 of our businesses, one of which developed into a lawsuit that would then linger on for months.
Left with three young kids and a whole lot of broken dreams and promises everything I had known my entire adult life was gone ... I felt like I was caught up in a riptide, tumbling head over foot ... as I twisted and turned in the current of grief and confusion ... I couldn’t breathe or find my footing. You want to talk about doubting God’s existence, His goodness, His plan and His power ... I had it all!
Stay with me ...
Now you know when my pastor asked if I would be willing to share a testimony of God’s power in my life, why I didn’t get it ... Where is the power of God in this story?! How could you possibly ask ME to testify to His POWER? When I think of ‘power’, I think of miracles and healing and I just don’t have a testimony of that. But as I took my story before the Lord ONCE AGAIN and cried out to him ‘God, I just don’t get it!!’, He started to speak to me about His power ...
We often think of His power as the ‘moving of mountains’ or the ‘shaking of strongholds’ ... but sometimes His power is revealed in what is STILL STANDING after the shaking stops ... Proverbs 10:25 says ‘When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever. ‘
There are many stories in the Bible where Jesus silenced the storm or where God rescued His people from certain perilous times, but Paul also tells us in Romans that ‘suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.’ ... so it is the RESULT of some suffering that is far more powerful than being delivered FROM the suffering. The Kingdom of God is an ‘opposite world’ ... God tells us His ways are not our ways and because of that, we must learn His ways or risk missing Him altogether!
That’s what happened to many in Jesus’ time ... many missed Him altogether because they were looking for a ‘king that would conquer’ ... not for a King on a Cross. Even those closest to Him ... when He was captured it confused and terrified His followers ... to the point that all but one fled the city! Just think about what grief and torment would have been avoided if those closest to Him and had been listening to what Jesus told them ... if when He died they knew that they knew He was coming back! I picture preparation for a feast, rather than hiding in the Upper Room!!
His power revealed in surprising ways is common throughout the Word ... In 1Kings we read about Elijah running for his life ... He was hiding in a cave and God’s power showed up, but not in the way we would think ... first there was a great and powerful wind, then an earthquake, then fire ... It’s funny to me that satan knows us well and knows that any one of us seeking a ‘Lord Almighty’ would have walked out on that mountain ledge at ANY ONE of those powerful signs, only to be destroyed ... but Elijah knew His Shepherds voice and knew those signs were counterfeits ... and only when the gentle whisper came did he go out.
How many times do we miss Him because we’re looking for the bigger thing?
It reminds me of a story that Luci Swindoll once shared ... she’s a popular Bible teacher and she once shared a story of an Alaskan Cruise she went on with some friends and she was so excited to see whales ... when it came time for the tour, she disembarked the ship wrapped in a blanket of cameras and video equipment. So determined to not miss the whale that was sure to come, she sat perched with her camera to her eye ... for TWO HOURS ... but not a single whale. Finally frustrated, she puts the camera down and noticed on the glaciers they had been passing, a sea of penguins jumping in and out of the water just ‘showing off’ for her ... in her determination to see what she THOUGHT would be the ‘way God would bless the trip’, she almost missed the littlest of blessings of the penguins on the way!!
Again, how many times do we miss Him because we’re looking for the bigger thing when His Word shows us over and over His affinity for the lesser of all things.
In the Gospels, Jesus teaches us the power of turning the other cheek, NOT engaging in the fight ... in extending forgiveness and mercy, NOT in casting the first stone ... in dining with tax collectors and prostitutes, NOT in handing out condemnation ... He above all others certainly was in the position to do all of these things, but because He chose differently He reveals the POWER OF RESTRAINT.
It’s the same restraint He showed on the Cross ... It would have been an awesome scene for Jesus to call on legions of Angels waiting for Him to say the word ... but think about it ... if that would have happened, today He would just be a great man that we celebrate in our traditions ... instead, He RESTRAINED Himself for the bigger and better plan ... for His greater power to be revealed through His resurrection ... because He did that, our hope now is not just in a great king that once lived and led ... our hope is in a RESURRECTED SAVIOR who has defeated death once and for all!!
You see, I know God could have healed my David ... one word ... that’s all it would have taken ... much in the same way that I know He could have rescued Jesus from the cross ... and satan worked really hard to get me to live in offense and call Him ‘unfaithful’ when my whale watching didn’t turn out the way I had believed it would. But in the same way of the Cross, I now believe God actually SHOWED RESTRAINT in not healing David for a greater plan that I can’t see or comprehend ... through this experience, He is revealing to me a greater power than the power of healing ... don’t get me wrong, healing is VERY powerful and would have been an AWESOME thing to be able to testify ... but His GREATER power ... I believe His GREATEST POWER ... which was won at the cross is the RESURRECTION POWER of Christ ... it is the power of the resurrection that brings life out of death, beauty out of ashes, hope out of darkness ... whatever you want to call it, however you want to package it, it’s 100% Him ... resurrection is what happens when He breathes life into the very scene where death once was ... and that is the power to which I can now testify!
Romans 6:4 says ‘We were buried with Him by the baptism into death, so that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious [power] of the Father, so we too might live and behave in newness of life.’
Good news is that you don’t have to go through great loss in your own lives to experience and gain a testimony of this resurrection power ... when we accept Jesus and are baptized, this verse tells us just as Christ was raised from the dead ... with that very same resurrection power ... we can live and behave as a new person ... that’s resurrection power!!
I pray you can get a hold of that ... I know the darkness of death, so resurrection is very exciting to me!!
And what happens when we really get a hold of this? When we can actually witness and testify to this resurrection power in our lives? Let me close by jumping to Acts 4 and see what happened to the Apostles AFTER they witnessed the resurrection of Jesus ...
Acts 4:13-20
The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men with no special training in the Scriptures. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus. But since they could see the man who had been healed standing right there among them, there was nothing the council could say. So they ordered Peter and John out of the council chamber and conferred among themselves. “What should we do with these men?” they asked each other. “We can’t deny that they have performed a miraculous sign, and everybody in Jerusalem knows about it. But to keep them from spreading their propaganda any further, we must warn them not to speak to anyone in Jesus’ name again.” So they called the apostles back in and commanded them never again to speak or teach in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John replied, “Do you think God wants us to obey you rather than him? We cannot stop telling about everything we have seen and heard.”
When we experience the resurrection power of Jesus, we become courageous and we start to see miracles and ‘we cannot help but speak about what we have seen and heard.’ ==> SOUNDS LIKE POWER TO ME!
When we see the power of God in our lives, that encounter moves what we know from our head to our heart and we cannot help but to speak about it ... it changes us ... it’s like fixing the downed wires in our life caused by a storm and power is restored!!
So let me leave you with the same challenging question my pastor asked me ... can you share a testimony of God’s power in your life? Maybe it’s the power of forgiveness? The power of love for His people ... maybe you are privileged to signs and wonders everywhere you go ... that is my hope one day! I do know that the more I get to know Him, the more I recognize Him!
Maybe you are like I once was and maybe your struggling with doubt and feeling powerless ... maybe your storms have not involved the death of a loved one ... maybe the death you know is a different kind ... emotional, spiritual ... loss of a dream, loss of hope ...
If that is you, I encourage you to let me pray for you and to then get away with God and ask Him to speak to you about His power in your life ... don’t get so distracted with the shaking that is going on that you’re tempted to call Him unfaithful ... HE IS FAITHFUL ... He is good and He loves you ... please consider that God may be restraining Himself in your circumstances, so that you can know something greater about Him ... maybe He’s setting you up to experience His greatest power ... the power that Jesus won on the cross ... HIS RESURRECTION POWER!! While you’re in this ‘Friday’ of your walk, know that Sunday is coming!!
And it’s certainly going to be better than any stinkin whale!!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Friday, June 29, 2012
Dream: The Withered Tree
Last week, I attended a conference at a church where many people are having dreams and visions and I went forward to receive prayer for an increase in these areas ... more of God, right?!!! What could possibly be bad about that!?!
In one of those prayer sessions, I was told to keep a journal by the side of my bed as these giftings WOULD certainly increase and if I would be a good steward about writing things down, the gift would CONTINUE to increase.
Well, my journal has been packed away in my suitcase but last night I brought it back to the side of my bed ... and last night I had a dream ...
I dreamed I was walking along a river, praying through a list of names ... with each name, I came to a tree standing along the river bank ... as I would say the next name, I would step in front of the next tree. Many trees were hearty and strong with big, green, rubbery leaves ... very healthy.
As I named one particular gal and came before her tree, it was different ... many leaves were brown and withered, obviously not as healthy as the others. I searched for the water source and found her tree to be standing IN the water, so there was apparently plenty, as the stream was vibrant and abundant ... HOWEVER, the withered leaves had fallen off the tree and gathered at its foot and were blocking the water, like a dam. As I cleared that clog away, life returned to the tree and its leaves became green and shiny again.
Here is what He showed me about the dream ...
There are many references to trees in the Bible ... specifically to 'strong oaks' planted by the water whose roots go deep (Isaiah 61:3, Jeremiah 17:8) ... even though these trees in my dream were not Oak trees, I felt it was the same type of reference to the health of the tree being symbolic of the health of our relationship with God and living life abundantly.
The leaves on this gal's tree were withered due to hopelessness and specifically due to shattered dreams. As her dreams would fall, her leaves would fall and gather in a pile below. Interesting enough, the Holy Spirit pointed out that there was a direct relationship to her physical health and the health of the tree ... the more withered the tree, the 'tighter and shriveled' her physical body became in the natural world. I had never really thought of her in this way ... as 'tight', but that exactly describes her in so many ways ... physically, emotionally and maybe even spiritually.
The revelation to me was that we often associate lost dreams and hopes to God withholding His blessings from us (water), much like not watering a plant will CAUSE a plant's leaves to wither (trust me, I have MANY personal testimonies to this!!!) However, in this dream the truth revealed here is that His blessings and favor (the water) NEVER stop flowing... they are ABUNDANT like a river ... but because we allow these fallen dreams and disappointments to pile up (leaves), they can actually dam the water supply and clog His favor and blessings, causing even more leaves (dreams) to wither and die and fall. When we keep that clog cleared out, a floodgate of life rushes back in and our lives can receive the nourishment and life that only His Water can offer ... a thirst quenching Water (John 4:13-14) ... and our dreams and hopes will flourish again (green leaves).
Such an awesome revelation of His favor and blessing being like a river that never stops flowing!! I know this feeling of hopelessness, disappointment and broken dreams ... I've spent many years buying into the lie that God was withholding something from me ... diverting His river completely away from me, if you will ... so the revelation that this flow of His love is just being 'dammed up' by something that can be cleared out to allow His Living Water to flow freely again just healed something in my heart!! (It also helps my heart to hear David running through his endless list of 'Dam jokes' as I write :) )
Anyway ... the question I was left with was 'how do we clear the clog?!'
One thing I noted from the dream is that this gal could not do it herself ... for a couple of reasons ... first, because of the nature of the limbs, she could not see under the tree, therefore she didn't even know that the leaves had even piled up. Secondly, it was evident that she really didn't even know her tree had a problem at all ... she was just miserable and weak and withered and just going with that ... she seemed to not know that her tree COULD BE healthy and strong ... I noted that the revelation there was a problem was given to ME, not to her ... I was able to notice her leaves were withered and falling because I knew that wasn't the way these trees were supposed to look and that is what sent me searching for what was causing the issue ... withering leaves were the symptom of a problem that was not as obvious.
How many times do we see someone withering? Maybe she doesn't smile or laugh like she used to ... maybe he seems to get angry faster and stay angry longer? Maybe it's the friend whose schedule has gotten so busy lately they haven't been able to get to church for a while, or are slower to return your calls. I often see it, that's not the problem ... but so many times I just don't know what to do ... and in full transparency, sometimes I don't want something more to do :(
We have to understand that the fact that we NOTICE someone is hurting or in need is not our own revelation at all ... did you know that our sin nature makes it impossible to think of anyone outside of ourselves ... it's true ... that is what sin is ... if we are thinking of anyone other than ourselves, that is the Holy Spirit working inside of us, prompting us ... and we have a choice ...
Step 1 to clearing the clog: GO DEEPER ... if we see someone's leaves are withering, don't just stop there with the revelation ... go deeper and help them to find the clog ... something is blocking the River of Life from his/her life and it needs to be cleared out!! The Word promises that if we seek Him, He will be found ... so if we ask, I believe He WILL reveal what the clog is!
Step 2 ... HELP CLEAR THE CLOG ... In the dream, once the problem was revealed, I didn't just tell her she had a problem ... revelation isn't ever for the purpose of just knowing ... the Holy Spirit isn't prompting us so we can just be more knowledgeable or point fingers at someone (Matthew 7:5 seems appropriate here ... in the terms of this example, clear your own darn dam first :) ) ... The Holy Spirit is intentional in all things ... so when something is revealed, our response should be 'Thank you for showing me, now what do you want me to do with this?!' Revelation is often meant to bring action, but that sometimes means we have to be willing to get messy ... I've not seen many clogs that aren't!!
Maybe it's Truth that will be needed, maybe it's accountability, maybe it's vulnerability ... I think it will probably look different with each situation, but what I remember from the dream was that there was an abundant amount of love and compassion for this gal as I got down on my knees and helped clean up the mess. I don't remember any profound truth that came out or was shared ... I just remember the fact that I SAW the withered leaves and I WENT LOOKING for the problem and WAS WILLING to get messy ... those facts alone seemed to touch her profoundly and new leaves immediately started to appear.
I don't know ... maybe I COULD get into this gardening thing ... I always believed it would take a miracle to turn these black thumbs, green ... but apparently His miracles (as well as His favor and blessings) are abundant and ever-flowing ... and on the move, I might add!! More of the Lord, right?!?
What could possibly be bad about that?!!
Isaiah 61:3 'They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
James 5:19-20 My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
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In one of those prayer sessions, I was told to keep a journal by the side of my bed as these giftings WOULD certainly increase and if I would be a good steward about writing things down, the gift would CONTINUE to increase.
Well, my journal has been packed away in my suitcase but last night I brought it back to the side of my bed ... and last night I had a dream ...
I dreamed I was walking along a river, praying through a list of names ... with each name, I came to a tree standing along the river bank ... as I would say the next name, I would step in front of the next tree. Many trees were hearty and strong with big, green, rubbery leaves ... very healthy.
As I named one particular gal and came before her tree, it was different ... many leaves were brown and withered, obviously not as healthy as the others. I searched for the water source and found her tree to be standing IN the water, so there was apparently plenty, as the stream was vibrant and abundant ... HOWEVER, the withered leaves had fallen off the tree and gathered at its foot and were blocking the water, like a dam. As I cleared that clog away, life returned to the tree and its leaves became green and shiny again.
Here is what He showed me about the dream ...
There are many references to trees in the Bible ... specifically to 'strong oaks' planted by the water whose roots go deep (Isaiah 61:3, Jeremiah 17:8) ... even though these trees in my dream were not Oak trees, I felt it was the same type of reference to the health of the tree being symbolic of the health of our relationship with God and living life abundantly.
The leaves on this gal's tree were withered due to hopelessness and specifically due to shattered dreams. As her dreams would fall, her leaves would fall and gather in a pile below. Interesting enough, the Holy Spirit pointed out that there was a direct relationship to her physical health and the health of the tree ... the more withered the tree, the 'tighter and shriveled' her physical body became in the natural world. I had never really thought of her in this way ... as 'tight', but that exactly describes her in so many ways ... physically, emotionally and maybe even spiritually.
The revelation to me was that we often associate lost dreams and hopes to God withholding His blessings from us (water), much like not watering a plant will CAUSE a plant's leaves to wither (trust me, I have MANY personal testimonies to this!!!) However, in this dream the truth revealed here is that His blessings and favor (the water) NEVER stop flowing... they are ABUNDANT like a river ... but because we allow these fallen dreams and disappointments to pile up (leaves), they can actually dam the water supply and clog His favor and blessings, causing even more leaves (dreams) to wither and die and fall. When we keep that clog cleared out, a floodgate of life rushes back in and our lives can receive the nourishment and life that only His Water can offer ... a thirst quenching Water (John 4:13-14) ... and our dreams and hopes will flourish again (green leaves).
Such an awesome revelation of His favor and blessing being like a river that never stops flowing!! I know this feeling of hopelessness, disappointment and broken dreams ... I've spent many years buying into the lie that God was withholding something from me ... diverting His river completely away from me, if you will ... so the revelation that this flow of His love is just being 'dammed up' by something that can be cleared out to allow His Living Water to flow freely again just healed something in my heart!! (It also helps my heart to hear David running through his endless list of 'Dam jokes' as I write :) )
Anyway ... the question I was left with was 'how do we clear the clog?!'
One thing I noted from the dream is that this gal could not do it herself ... for a couple of reasons ... first, because of the nature of the limbs, she could not see under the tree, therefore she didn't even know that the leaves had even piled up. Secondly, it was evident that she really didn't even know her tree had a problem at all ... she was just miserable and weak and withered and just going with that ... she seemed to not know that her tree COULD BE healthy and strong ... I noted that the revelation there was a problem was given to ME, not to her ... I was able to notice her leaves were withered and falling because I knew that wasn't the way these trees were supposed to look and that is what sent me searching for what was causing the issue ... withering leaves were the symptom of a problem that was not as obvious.
How many times do we see someone withering? Maybe she doesn't smile or laugh like she used to ... maybe he seems to get angry faster and stay angry longer? Maybe it's the friend whose schedule has gotten so busy lately they haven't been able to get to church for a while, or are slower to return your calls. I often see it, that's not the problem ... but so many times I just don't know what to do ... and in full transparency, sometimes I don't want something more to do :(
We have to understand that the fact that we NOTICE someone is hurting or in need is not our own revelation at all ... did you know that our sin nature makes it impossible to think of anyone outside of ourselves ... it's true ... that is what sin is ... if we are thinking of anyone other than ourselves, that is the Holy Spirit working inside of us, prompting us ... and we have a choice ...
Step 1 to clearing the clog: GO DEEPER ... if we see someone's leaves are withering, don't just stop there with the revelation ... go deeper and help them to find the clog ... something is blocking the River of Life from his/her life and it needs to be cleared out!! The Word promises that if we seek Him, He will be found ... so if we ask, I believe He WILL reveal what the clog is!
Step 2 ... HELP CLEAR THE CLOG ... In the dream, once the problem was revealed, I didn't just tell her she had a problem ... revelation isn't ever for the purpose of just knowing ... the Holy Spirit isn't prompting us so we can just be more knowledgeable or point fingers at someone (Matthew 7:5 seems appropriate here ... in the terms of this example, clear your own darn dam first :) ) ... The Holy Spirit is intentional in all things ... so when something is revealed, our response should be 'Thank you for showing me, now what do you want me to do with this?!' Revelation is often meant to bring action, but that sometimes means we have to be willing to get messy ... I've not seen many clogs that aren't!!
Maybe it's Truth that will be needed, maybe it's accountability, maybe it's vulnerability ... I think it will probably look different with each situation, but what I remember from the dream was that there was an abundant amount of love and compassion for this gal as I got down on my knees and helped clean up the mess. I don't remember any profound truth that came out or was shared ... I just remember the fact that I SAW the withered leaves and I WENT LOOKING for the problem and WAS WILLING to get messy ... those facts alone seemed to touch her profoundly and new leaves immediately started to appear.
I don't know ... maybe I COULD get into this gardening thing ... I always believed it would take a miracle to turn these black thumbs, green ... but apparently His miracles (as well as His favor and blessings) are abundant and ever-flowing ... and on the move, I might add!! More of the Lord, right?!?
What could possibly be bad about that?!!
Isaiah 61:3 'They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
James 5:19-20 My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
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Thursday, April 5, 2012
He arose!
This will be our fourth Easter without David ... isn’t that crazy ... actually, if you count the time lost in the hospital, it’s been five years since I’ve enjoyed his baritone harmonizing next to me during our favorite of hymns ... Easter!
In all respects, this season should be hard for me ... I recently realized what a miracle it is that it’s not ... not because 'time heals all wounds', because frankly, it doesn't ... there is still a sizeable hole in my heart and in complete transparency, I’m not real sure it will ever stop hurting or be fully healed. However, I think more than ever I am just more and more in awe of what it means for Jesus to take the sting out of death. This season is joyful to me ONLY because of what Jesus has done on the cross ... He has DEFEATED death, friends ... death is NO MORE!!! The grave can not steal anything from us anymore!! Can you join the chorus in one big ‘Hallelujah’!!!!
In first Thessalonians, Paul tells us that as Christians, ‘We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him (friends/family who have gone on to Heaven before us) ...
Paul continues that according to the Lord’s OWN WORDS, ‘the Lord HIMSELF will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will RISE FIRST. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught TOGETHER with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever!! ...
How awesome is that! But then Paul finishes with a command, ‘Therefore, ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER WITH THESE WORDS.’ (1 Thes 4:13-18).
Isaac recently had to learn this cluster of verses by memory for school and as he rehearsed throughout the week, I asked him if he understood what the verses were saying and he said ‘Yep, that’s Dad!’ :) You’d better believe it’s Dad ... and my sister Denise and Aunt Roberta and our Grandmas & Grandpas and ALL of our other friends/family who have gone before us ... and that’s just the BEGINNING of the party!! Friends, if we have accepted what Christ has done on the cross for us, if we have allowed His blood to wash our sins from us, then this Resurrection Sunday is a PERFECT time to also celebrate the defeat of death and the promise that it offers us in seeing our loved ones again! We will be meeting them in the air at the trumpet call of God ... Oh that day!
I often allow myself to imagine that day, have you ever done that ... the sound of the trumpet, the chaos of graves opening up everywhere, the color of the sky overwhelmed with the brightness of His presence ... I can only imagine that day would have the most intense smells of Spring that we’ve ever encountered as we witness the Creator himself at work, commanding life to come forth!!! It overwhelms my soul ... Come Lord, Come!!
Friends, I am sooo thankful for my loving Father who continues to carry our hearts and for each year when this season rolls around, how He allows me a miracle as He fills me anew with the 'spirit of life' given to me through the cross, rather than the 'spirit of death' which so lingers and tempts me to be caught up in the memory of those painful and dark days three short years ago ... Instead, each year in this season, my belief that He is coming soon is RENEWED & STRENGTHENED and I am just so thankful. I guess I’m just wanting to encourage and share a little of that with you as I wish you and yours a VERY HAPPY EASTER ... We so appreciate your prayers and thoughts, not only for my kids and me, but also for the entire family who continue to miss David so intensely ... He’s just a hard guy to stop missing, you know? But to be honest, I don’t think it is ever God’s intent for us to ‘let go’ of anyone who gets to join His presence before us ... I believe that where David is, Jesus is and where Jesus is, David is and so the best way to keep close to those we love and miss is to stay close to Jesus. In many ways, I feel more close to David now than I ever have ... Something else for which I am very thankful.
So please CELEBRATE with us in this season by allowing Jesus’ spirit of LIFE to fill you ... and encourage each other with the truth that He IS coming for us soon!!
He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!’
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 ... The Coming of the Lord
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.
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- ‘Up from the grave He arose, with a mighty triumph o’er His foes ... He arose a Victor from the dark domain and He lives forever with His saints to reign! He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!’
In all respects, this season should be hard for me ... I recently realized what a miracle it is that it’s not ... not because 'time heals all wounds', because frankly, it doesn't ... there is still a sizeable hole in my heart and in complete transparency, I’m not real sure it will ever stop hurting or be fully healed. However, I think more than ever I am just more and more in awe of what it means for Jesus to take the sting out of death. This season is joyful to me ONLY because of what Jesus has done on the cross ... He has DEFEATED death, friends ... death is NO MORE!!! The grave can not steal anything from us anymore!! Can you join the chorus in one big ‘Hallelujah’!!!!
In first Thessalonians, Paul tells us that as Christians, ‘We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him (friends/family who have gone on to Heaven before us) ...
Paul continues that according to the Lord’s OWN WORDS, ‘the Lord HIMSELF will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will RISE FIRST. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught TOGETHER with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever!! ...
How awesome is that! But then Paul finishes with a command, ‘Therefore, ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER WITH THESE WORDS.’ (1 Thes 4:13-18).
Isaac recently had to learn this cluster of verses by memory for school and as he rehearsed throughout the week, I asked him if he understood what the verses were saying and he said ‘Yep, that’s Dad!’ :) You’d better believe it’s Dad ... and my sister Denise and Aunt Roberta and our Grandmas & Grandpas and ALL of our other friends/family who have gone before us ... and that’s just the BEGINNING of the party!! Friends, if we have accepted what Christ has done on the cross for us, if we have allowed His blood to wash our sins from us, then this Resurrection Sunday is a PERFECT time to also celebrate the defeat of death and the promise that it offers us in seeing our loved ones again! We will be meeting them in the air at the trumpet call of God ... Oh that day!
I often allow myself to imagine that day, have you ever done that ... the sound of the trumpet, the chaos of graves opening up everywhere, the color of the sky overwhelmed with the brightness of His presence ... I can only imagine that day would have the most intense smells of Spring that we’ve ever encountered as we witness the Creator himself at work, commanding life to come forth!!! It overwhelms my soul ... Come Lord, Come!!
Friends, I am sooo thankful for my loving Father who continues to carry our hearts and for each year when this season rolls around, how He allows me a miracle as He fills me anew with the 'spirit of life' given to me through the cross, rather than the 'spirit of death' which so lingers and tempts me to be caught up in the memory of those painful and dark days three short years ago ... Instead, each year in this season, my belief that He is coming soon is RENEWED & STRENGTHENED and I am just so thankful. I guess I’m just wanting to encourage and share a little of that with you as I wish you and yours a VERY HAPPY EASTER ... We so appreciate your prayers and thoughts, not only for my kids and me, but also for the entire family who continue to miss David so intensely ... He’s just a hard guy to stop missing, you know? But to be honest, I don’t think it is ever God’s intent for us to ‘let go’ of anyone who gets to join His presence before us ... I believe that where David is, Jesus is and where Jesus is, David is and so the best way to keep close to those we love and miss is to stay close to Jesus. In many ways, I feel more close to David now than I ever have ... Something else for which I am very thankful.
So please CELEBRATE with us in this season by allowing Jesus’ spirit of LIFE to fill you ... and encourage each other with the truth that He IS coming for us soon!!
He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!’
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 ... The Coming of the Lord
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.
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Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Prepare!
I was recently reading a devotion on a man who almost missed Christmas. Expecting a current day story of someone, I was surprised to find the focus on Joseph, Mary’s husband-to-be. As a God-fearing man, Joseph had every lawful right to turn Mary away. But if he had allowed the traditions of the law to overcome his love for Mary, he would have missed that very first Christmas, and the coming of the Christ Child ... as well as ALL that God had for him in the years to follow, as his earthly father.
As we get caught up in trying to 'think and plan' through the season, I wonder how many of our ‘traditions’ are actually causing us to MISS Christmas. Ironic, isn't it?! As we deck the halls and buy the presents and bake the cookies, if this is what it’s about, then why are we exhausted and cranky?! These weeks fly past so fast only to be greeted with the ‘holiday let down’ in the weeks to follow. Seems like there should be more to come out of all the prep, doesn’t it?!!
How DID Christmas get so complicated? I’m pretty sure Jesus was never surrounded by bows of holly and fancy treats. Remembering the story, He came to us in a cold, dark barn with no smells of gingerbread or peppermint ... I’m actually encouraged by this revelation because right now, my house looks like a bunch of animals live here!! But you know, the condition of our home or heart is never clean enough BEFORE He arrives ... He did not come for those who have it all together ... He came to do the cleaning and restoring, Himself ... I imagine that manger was pretty dirty and stinky before it became a throne ...
It is Christ who changes everything.
It’s a scary thing to put aside traditions and ignore those screaming ‘to do’ lists. But much like Joseph and Mary were asked to do that silent night years ago, all we are really asked to do in this season is to RECEIVE HIM!! He does not require ceremony or decoration ... He just needs a place to lay His head. We have an enemy who would love for us to miss Him ... and to keep it complicated, he distracts us with things that 'seem' to be of the right heart. Wanting the house to be 'decked out' and all ready for family to come SEEMS right ... but even if we are able to get it all done, if what we do is not in preparation for Jesus, it will ultimately disappoint ... our family needs to see the Light of the World, not the artificial lights on the tree ... our hearts are designed to receive Him, and Him alone ... nothing else will fill.
Much like Joseph, we find ourselves with a choice: the love of our traditions, or our love of Him. Is there room in our hearts for Jesus, this season? Or, just the Inn Keepers of old, will we turn Him away because there is there no more room? Imagine what all those Inn Keepers missed that night!! Imagine what Joseph would have missed if he had stayed with what he had known and been taught all his life? Don’t miss that it is a choice. I encourage you to not miss another day of a true ‘season of preparation’ ... open your heart and RECEIVE all that Jesus has come to be!!
OUR KING IS COMING!!! PREPARE YE THE WAY!!!
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As we get caught up in trying to 'think and plan' through the season, I wonder how many of our ‘traditions’ are actually causing us to MISS Christmas. Ironic, isn't it?! As we deck the halls and buy the presents and bake the cookies, if this is what it’s about, then why are we exhausted and cranky?! These weeks fly past so fast only to be greeted with the ‘holiday let down’ in the weeks to follow. Seems like there should be more to come out of all the prep, doesn’t it?!!
How DID Christmas get so complicated? I’m pretty sure Jesus was never surrounded by bows of holly and fancy treats. Remembering the story, He came to us in a cold, dark barn with no smells of gingerbread or peppermint ... I’m actually encouraged by this revelation because right now, my house looks like a bunch of animals live here!! But you know, the condition of our home or heart is never clean enough BEFORE He arrives ... He did not come for those who have it all together ... He came to do the cleaning and restoring, Himself ... I imagine that manger was pretty dirty and stinky before it became a throne ...
It is Christ who changes everything.
It’s a scary thing to put aside traditions and ignore those screaming ‘to do’ lists. But much like Joseph and Mary were asked to do that silent night years ago, all we are really asked to do in this season is to RECEIVE HIM!! He does not require ceremony or decoration ... He just needs a place to lay His head. We have an enemy who would love for us to miss Him ... and to keep it complicated, he distracts us with things that 'seem' to be of the right heart. Wanting the house to be 'decked out' and all ready for family to come SEEMS right ... but even if we are able to get it all done, if what we do is not in preparation for Jesus, it will ultimately disappoint ... our family needs to see the Light of the World, not the artificial lights on the tree ... our hearts are designed to receive Him, and Him alone ... nothing else will fill.
Much like Joseph, we find ourselves with a choice: the love of our traditions, or our love of Him. Is there room in our hearts for Jesus, this season? Or, just the Inn Keepers of old, will we turn Him away because there is there no more room? Imagine what all those Inn Keepers missed that night!! Imagine what Joseph would have missed if he had stayed with what he had known and been taught all his life? Don’t miss that it is a choice. I encourage you to not miss another day of a true ‘season of preparation’ ... open your heart and RECEIVE all that Jesus has come to be!!
OUR KING IS COMING!!! PREPARE YE THE WAY!!!
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Saturday, October 29, 2011
Marketing God ...
Recently in my Mom’s Group, we were discussing the role that trials play in our lives and someone made the statement, ‘I know God wants us to suffer for Him, but ...’ I missed a lot of what she said next because that statement literally hurt my heart ... I can’t explain it, but I couldn’t get past it.
Does God really WANT us to suffer for Him? It sounded just right enough to almost accept it, but something kept me from moving on. Often, one of satan’s lies begins with a subtle distortion of truth ... he rarely comes right out with a black/white lie because those are easier to spot ... it’s the gray ones that you have to watch out for ... if he can just tweak the truth ever so slightly ... those are much harder to discern, and often more dangerous.
I recognized that she’s not alone in her thought, as I believe many of us who have been through hard times have just accepted that suffering and trials are a normal part of the Christian walk, though often begrudgingly. Interesting enough, many who haven’t yet experienced their ‘unthinkable circumstance’ are often walking in fear of WHEN that seemingly inevitable day will come for them. In some Christian circles, there might even be a concensus that suffering is necessary to be ‘godly’, or at the very least as Christians, we should be ‘willing’ to suffer, if it’s asked of us. It seems like we are walking from ‘trial to trial’, instead of from ‘glory to glory’, as the Bible instructs.
It got me thinking ... what DOES God intend with suffering? Does He cause it? Does He allow it? Does He want it for us?
As a student of marketing/advertising, I’ve had many a discussion with God about parts of the Christian walk that are not very ‘marketable’ – things that wouldn’t go well in a ‘God brochure’, if you know what I mean. Suffering certainly qualifies as one of those unmarketable things, no matter what font you use! And trust me, I’ve combed my own ‘agreement’ with Him more than once looking for the paragraph, thinking what in the heck have I signed up for?!? It must be buried in the small print, somewhere!! In the Bible, Jesus and others are very clear that trials SHOULD be an expected part of our Christian walk. There really isn’t much pussyfooting around John 16 where Jesus says ‘In this world you will have trouble’ ... pretty clear stuff ... although we do often quit reading there, when the best part is next: ‘But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ PRAISE JESUS!!
So, the distortion in truth isn’t the part about us suffering or not suffering ... along with these words, the Bible also gives us many examples of those who HAVE suffered in their walk before us. But contrary to common complaints against God, I was very interested to discover how few of those examples were actually ‘caused’ by Him.
Does God CAUSE suffering?
This is an interesting question to me because it seems that most of us, believers or not, blame God for our suffering. And yet, the only example I could find in the Bible of God actually CAUSING suffering was in the case of His son, Jesus ... In a prophetic passage from Isaiah 43, it does say ‘the Lord’s will was to crush [Jesus] and to cause [Jesus] to suffer.’ To 'cause’ someone to do something means to ‘make it happen’ ... this Scripture is saying that God was the SOURCE of the actions that caused Jesus to suffer; implying that if God had NOT caused it to be, it would not have been. Is that overwhelming to anyone else? The fact that the only example in the Bible of God causing someone to suffer was of His Son ... FOR ME ... overwhelms my heart! And yet, how quickly am I to accuse God in my suffering when the only suffering He has caused was to Jesus, for the purpose of saving me from an eternity of suffering? Ironic, isn’t it?? Or maybe the word I’m looking for is ‘selfish’?!
Does God ALLOW suffering?
To me, there is a difference between ‘allowing’ and ‘causing’ and the dictionary agrees ... ‘To allow’ means ‘to permit, to concede, to accept’, implying the person giving the permission does have the ultimate control, but is not doing the actual action. In contrast, remember that ‘to cause’ means ‘to make it happen’, implying the person in control is doing the actual action ... a point that can not go unnoticed is that no matter whether God is ‘causing’ or ‘allowing’, He IS in control (PRAISE GOD!). To me, this difference is huge when understanding the character of God, maybe you disagree? Maybe it’s just me, but understanding that God does not cause suffering but MAY allow it makes a big difference in my ability to trust Him. Does it for you?
Most examples of suffering in the Bible are either a consequence of one’s sin or ALLOWED by God for purposes that are varied, but not always clarified. The story of the Prodigal Son is an example of suffering caused by sin (selfishness), which interestingly enough, I think we can all readily accept. Isn’t it funny how quickly we can accept someone elses suffering for them, especially when we consider them to be a ‘sinner’?! (Matthew 7:3-5 comes to mind)
However, when we read about the suffering of Job, one of God’s faithful, we can’t get to the end of the chapter fast enough where it tells us that God blessed the latter part of Job’s life, more than the first. Ahhh, that’s much better reading!! But coming from someone who feels like much of her walk is right out of the pages of Job, I am completely honest when I say that the promise of being blessed later does not help one get through the ‘allowing to suffer’ part ... at all! New daughters just do not replace the loss of the ones you loved first.
But after questioning God a great deal about Job’s story, He showed me something ... for years, I’ve heard teaching on it, but it never made sense to me ... it always seemed so uncharacteristic of God to seemingly pick on one of His most faithful servants, just to settle a wager with satan, the deceiver?! And let’s be honest, when we are in the midst of our ‘allowing to suffer’, isn’t it the character of God that we often question? As I questioned God on this particular example of ‘allowing to suffer’, He lead me to Job 42, which I believe is what the Book of Job is all about ... and consequently, what I believe to be the point of all ‘allowing to suffer’.
Giving context to this portion of the story, Job has just finished pounding on the chest of God, asking Him, ‘Why, God why?” ... maybe you’ve been there? God answers him with something like ‘who do you think you are’, which is an entirely different discussion on it’s own ... but for now, I want to focus on Job’s response to God’s answer ...
Job’s response: Job 42:5-6
“My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
This story isn’t about God grandstanding with satan and poor Job getting in the middle of it (although satan would surely like to lead us in assassinating God’s character in that way) ... God wasn’t picking on Job ... He was promoting him!! While God did ‘allow’ satan to run havoc and chaos in Job’s life (and I’m sure satan thought he was even winning for a time), I believe God’s intention in Job’s suffering was so that Job would be promoted in his faith to the point of SEEING GOD!! Do not miss the point that at the end of ourselves is where we see God ... Once we see who we are, next to Him, everything drops into place ... our priorities, our responsibilities, our roles. I can totally testify to this as I remember the very day I discovered who I was next to God ... David had been diagnosed and I was huddled in the corner of a hospital bathroom, completely helpless and terrified ... priorities, responsibilities and roles fell right into place ... and yet, here in the midst of Job’s unjust suffering, the Bible testifies that Job was satisfied!! How is that possible?! Job asked a lot of questions and didn’t really get ANY ‘real’ answers ... and neither have I ... ‘but now my eyes have seen you’ ... I believe Job’s satisfaction is a sole result of this experience with God in chapter 42. I believe that the fact God blessed him more in his later years didn’t even matter to Job because HE HAD EXPERIENCED GOD ... the One who gives and takes away!
Does God cause suffering? He did cause Jesus’ suffering.
Does God allow suffering? The Bible show us yes, many times over and over.
Does He want us to suffer? It was not His original plan (no suffering in Garden of Eden), but in this fallen world, if it corrects our path or is what it takes for us to see Him, then yes, He does!
But perhaps the more relevant question is what do we do in and as a result of our suffering and trials? Will we keep our eyes inward, asking ‘why, God why’ or justifying why we should be ‘protected’ from suffering? Is it our ‘righteousness’ that should protect us? Is satan telling us, ‘if God loved you, He wouldn’t allow you to suffer?’ Or maybe satan is saying ‘you made your bed, now you get to lie in ... you deserve to suffer’. The truth is, we ALL deserve to suffer ... none of us are exempt from sin and the penalty of sin is death ... BUT GOD!!
There is only one answer for satan ... Jesus!! Who is more righteous or more loved by God than Jesus? And yet He suffered beyond anything we can comprehend ... we can’t even watch it in videos, let alone imagine living it. But, we can’t have a Sunday, without the Friday!! His suffering at the hand of our Father was FOR US to receive our own resurrection (life!) in our own suffering ... He has walked that path ahead of us, THANK YOU JESUS!
For the past couple years, I have actually been praying that God would change my heart so that I would truly understand and believe Paul’s crazy words in 1Peter 4, where he says ‘Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But REJOICE that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.’
I really like the ‘overjoyed in His glory’ part, but ‘do not be surprised by painful trial’ and ‘rejoice in sufferings’ ?!? Not so much! But I think I’m starting to get it ... when we KNOW that our suffering is going to lead us to an experience with God (His glory revealed), we can truly rejoice in the midst of our ‘allowing to suffer’. Unfortunately, there’s that pesky, unmarketable ‘death to self’ issue that lingers somewhere in between ...
But, I’m starting to understand that ‘marketable’ isn’t what Jesus came to be.
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Does God really WANT us to suffer for Him? It sounded just right enough to almost accept it, but something kept me from moving on. Often, one of satan’s lies begins with a subtle distortion of truth ... he rarely comes right out with a black/white lie because those are easier to spot ... it’s the gray ones that you have to watch out for ... if he can just tweak the truth ever so slightly ... those are much harder to discern, and often more dangerous.
I recognized that she’s not alone in her thought, as I believe many of us who have been through hard times have just accepted that suffering and trials are a normal part of the Christian walk, though often begrudgingly. Interesting enough, many who haven’t yet experienced their ‘unthinkable circumstance’ are often walking in fear of WHEN that seemingly inevitable day will come for them. In some Christian circles, there might even be a concensus that suffering is necessary to be ‘godly’, or at the very least as Christians, we should be ‘willing’ to suffer, if it’s asked of us. It seems like we are walking from ‘trial to trial’, instead of from ‘glory to glory’, as the Bible instructs.
It got me thinking ... what DOES God intend with suffering? Does He cause it? Does He allow it? Does He want it for us?
As a student of marketing/advertising, I’ve had many a discussion with God about parts of the Christian walk that are not very ‘marketable’ – things that wouldn’t go well in a ‘God brochure’, if you know what I mean. Suffering certainly qualifies as one of those unmarketable things, no matter what font you use! And trust me, I’ve combed my own ‘agreement’ with Him more than once looking for the paragraph, thinking what in the heck have I signed up for?!? It must be buried in the small print, somewhere!! In the Bible, Jesus and others are very clear that trials SHOULD be an expected part of our Christian walk. There really isn’t much pussyfooting around John 16 where Jesus says ‘In this world you will have trouble’ ... pretty clear stuff ... although we do often quit reading there, when the best part is next: ‘But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ PRAISE JESUS!!
So, the distortion in truth isn’t the part about us suffering or not suffering ... along with these words, the Bible also gives us many examples of those who HAVE suffered in their walk before us. But contrary to common complaints against God, I was very interested to discover how few of those examples were actually ‘caused’ by Him.
Does God CAUSE suffering?
This is an interesting question to me because it seems that most of us, believers or not, blame God for our suffering. And yet, the only example I could find in the Bible of God actually CAUSING suffering was in the case of His son, Jesus ... In a prophetic passage from Isaiah 43, it does say ‘the Lord’s will was to crush [Jesus] and to cause [Jesus] to suffer.’ To 'cause’ someone to do something means to ‘make it happen’ ... this Scripture is saying that God was the SOURCE of the actions that caused Jesus to suffer; implying that if God had NOT caused it to be, it would not have been. Is that overwhelming to anyone else? The fact that the only example in the Bible of God causing someone to suffer was of His Son ... FOR ME ... overwhelms my heart! And yet, how quickly am I to accuse God in my suffering when the only suffering He has caused was to Jesus, for the purpose of saving me from an eternity of suffering? Ironic, isn’t it?? Or maybe the word I’m looking for is ‘selfish’?!
Does God ALLOW suffering?
To me, there is a difference between ‘allowing’ and ‘causing’ and the dictionary agrees ... ‘To allow’ means ‘to permit, to concede, to accept’, implying the person giving the permission does have the ultimate control, but is not doing the actual action. In contrast, remember that ‘to cause’ means ‘to make it happen’, implying the person in control is doing the actual action ... a point that can not go unnoticed is that no matter whether God is ‘causing’ or ‘allowing’, He IS in control (PRAISE GOD!). To me, this difference is huge when understanding the character of God, maybe you disagree? Maybe it’s just me, but understanding that God does not cause suffering but MAY allow it makes a big difference in my ability to trust Him. Does it for you?
Most examples of suffering in the Bible are either a consequence of one’s sin or ALLOWED by God for purposes that are varied, but not always clarified. The story of the Prodigal Son is an example of suffering caused by sin (selfishness), which interestingly enough, I think we can all readily accept. Isn’t it funny how quickly we can accept someone elses suffering for them, especially when we consider them to be a ‘sinner’?! (Matthew 7:3-5 comes to mind)
However, when we read about the suffering of Job, one of God’s faithful, we can’t get to the end of the chapter fast enough where it tells us that God blessed the latter part of Job’s life, more than the first. Ahhh, that’s much better reading!! But coming from someone who feels like much of her walk is right out of the pages of Job, I am completely honest when I say that the promise of being blessed later does not help one get through the ‘allowing to suffer’ part ... at all! New daughters just do not replace the loss of the ones you loved first.
But after questioning God a great deal about Job’s story, He showed me something ... for years, I’ve heard teaching on it, but it never made sense to me ... it always seemed so uncharacteristic of God to seemingly pick on one of His most faithful servants, just to settle a wager with satan, the deceiver?! And let’s be honest, when we are in the midst of our ‘allowing to suffer’, isn’t it the character of God that we often question? As I questioned God on this particular example of ‘allowing to suffer’, He lead me to Job 42, which I believe is what the Book of Job is all about ... and consequently, what I believe to be the point of all ‘allowing to suffer’.
Giving context to this portion of the story, Job has just finished pounding on the chest of God, asking Him, ‘Why, God why?” ... maybe you’ve been there? God answers him with something like ‘who do you think you are’, which is an entirely different discussion on it’s own ... but for now, I want to focus on Job’s response to God’s answer ...
Job’s response: Job 42:5-6
“My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
This story isn’t about God grandstanding with satan and poor Job getting in the middle of it (although satan would surely like to lead us in assassinating God’s character in that way) ... God wasn’t picking on Job ... He was promoting him!! While God did ‘allow’ satan to run havoc and chaos in Job’s life (and I’m sure satan thought he was even winning for a time), I believe God’s intention in Job’s suffering was so that Job would be promoted in his faith to the point of SEEING GOD!! Do not miss the point that at the end of ourselves is where we see God ... Once we see who we are, next to Him, everything drops into place ... our priorities, our responsibilities, our roles. I can totally testify to this as I remember the very day I discovered who I was next to God ... David had been diagnosed and I was huddled in the corner of a hospital bathroom, completely helpless and terrified ... priorities, responsibilities and roles fell right into place ... and yet, here in the midst of Job’s unjust suffering, the Bible testifies that Job was satisfied!! How is that possible?! Job asked a lot of questions and didn’t really get ANY ‘real’ answers ... and neither have I ... ‘but now my eyes have seen you’ ... I believe Job’s satisfaction is a sole result of this experience with God in chapter 42. I believe that the fact God blessed him more in his later years didn’t even matter to Job because HE HAD EXPERIENCED GOD ... the One who gives and takes away!
Does God cause suffering? He did cause Jesus’ suffering.
Does God allow suffering? The Bible show us yes, many times over and over.
Does He want us to suffer? It was not His original plan (no suffering in Garden of Eden), but in this fallen world, if it corrects our path or is what it takes for us to see Him, then yes, He does!
But perhaps the more relevant question is what do we do in and as a result of our suffering and trials? Will we keep our eyes inward, asking ‘why, God why’ or justifying why we should be ‘protected’ from suffering? Is it our ‘righteousness’ that should protect us? Is satan telling us, ‘if God loved you, He wouldn’t allow you to suffer?’ Or maybe satan is saying ‘you made your bed, now you get to lie in ... you deserve to suffer’. The truth is, we ALL deserve to suffer ... none of us are exempt from sin and the penalty of sin is death ... BUT GOD!!
There is only one answer for satan ... Jesus!! Who is more righteous or more loved by God than Jesus? And yet He suffered beyond anything we can comprehend ... we can’t even watch it in videos, let alone imagine living it. But, we can’t have a Sunday, without the Friday!! His suffering at the hand of our Father was FOR US to receive our own resurrection (life!) in our own suffering ... He has walked that path ahead of us, THANK YOU JESUS!
For the past couple years, I have actually been praying that God would change my heart so that I would truly understand and believe Paul’s crazy words in 1Peter 4, where he says ‘Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But REJOICE that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.’
I really like the ‘overjoyed in His glory’ part, but ‘do not be surprised by painful trial’ and ‘rejoice in sufferings’ ?!? Not so much! But I think I’m starting to get it ... when we KNOW that our suffering is going to lead us to an experience with God (His glory revealed), we can truly rejoice in the midst of our ‘allowing to suffer’. Unfortunately, there’s that pesky, unmarketable ‘death to self’ issue that lingers somewhere in between ...
But, I’m starting to understand that ‘marketable’ isn’t what Jesus came to be.
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Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Something out of nothing ...
Thank you to everyone for your prayers for the weekend. Keeping true to form of one of my adventures, it did not lack excitement. While this one didn’t involve lost computers, nearly missed flights, detours or cars breaking down, this one DID include a trip to the emergency room :( An emergency room in West Virginia, about two hours into the trip, to be more exact! I’m not kidding ... can’t make these things up!!
Shelley and I grabbed a quick lunch before getting on our way and we had made it to the south side of Columbus when I started to develop a really bad side ache. After another half hour or so, I finally told Shelley about it and asked her to stop a minute to let me try to ‘walk it out’. I walked for about 20 minutes and we got back on our way, but the pain just kept getting worse. After a couple more longer stops, we made it to I-75 but were not on it long before we had to pull over for me to throw up, the pain was getting so bad. Starting to get a little overwhelmed, we discussed looking for an Urgent Care. Getting off at the next exit, there was a hospital sign right at the bottom of the exit and with a quick right it was literally right there! Taking that as a sign that I’d better have it checked out, Shelley dropped me at the entrance and parked the car.
This is a good place to mention that in West Virginia, there is no ‘urgent’ in Urgent Care ... just saying. I’m not sure how long we waited to be seen, but I’m thinking it was at least an hour ... the pain was so intense, I could only pace the hallways while waiting, still throwing up from time-to-time. As I paced, I really struggled not to answer Self Pity knocking at my door. I fully recognized the situation as warfare, but frankly I’m just tired of it. It didn’t help that there were a couple of ‘locals’ also waiting to be seen who felt it necessary to offer their personal diagnoses of my condition ... ‘I’ll bet it’s your appendix’ ... ‘Have you ever had kidney stones’ ... ‘Honey, you don’t look good at all’ ... a couple of them even felt it necessary to expand on their thoughts to tell me that when they had THEIR appendix out, they were in the hospital several days and had a ‘huge incision that never fully healed’ ... Seriously! Can’t make these things up ...
As I paced, I prayed ... pleading for mercy, really. For this conference, I had spent the last few weeks preparing a couple of teachings on which I would be evaluated. Being faced with the possibility of missing the conference all together, my mind raced over details ... Should I send Shelley on to the conference alone? I don’t want her to miss her opportunity ... Could I make it another 45 minutes to Charleston where the hospitals were bigger and better? If I get admitted to the hospital, and send Shelley on, could anyone come down to be with me ... Can I do this alone?
As my mind jumped around, the Holy Spirit spoke softly ... Jill, remember the message in your talks ...
I thought 'good idea, I could be practicing during this delay' and immediately, my talks started coming back to me ... From my testimony, Job 42:1 ‘I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.’ ... From my teaching on Genesis 1:1, ‘nothingness is precisely what God wants from us’ ... ‘until we realize our 'nothingness', we can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over us with anticipation ... ‘He brings order out of chaos’ ... ‘life out of death’ ... ‘light into darkness’ ... ‘greatness out of nothing’.
The question was, were these just talks or were these actual truths I could actually APPLY as chaos was again showing itself? The million dollar question: Did I believe what I was selling?
My 'practicing' turned to praying through those truths ... I wish I could report that my attitude immediately turned a 180, but I was still breathing through the pain when my name was finally called. After a blood draw, an exam, a CTscan and three shots of morphine (PRAISE GOD FOR DRUGS!) the diagnosis was official ... a kidney stone. Seriously ... can’t make this stuff up!
They assured me it was small enough to ‘process naturally’, so no need for anything but ‘meds to go’ (PRAISE GOD, both for the meds and the ‘to go’ part). So after the 4-hour tour of the ER, the morphine cocktail had dulled the pain and with a fist full of percocet and a promise of a ‘rolling stones’ weekend ahead (sorry, I know that was REALLY bad), we were back on the road! I was able to give into ‘lala land’ for a little bit and a couple hours later I was finally starting to feel well enough to offer to drive for a little bit, but for some reason Shelley seemed to think my slurred speech would raise concern if we were to be stopped. Yeah right, like we would ever be stopped!!
With poor Shelley doing it all herself, we finally made it safely to the hotel a little before 2am and what I believe to be the miracle of the weekend (WARNING, graphic detail ahead), I went potty and ‘tink, tink’ there was my rolling stone!! SIMPLY AMAZING! I have never heard of a stone being passed so quickly ... that is if you can call 12 stinkin hours of intense pain to be 'so quickly'!! I’m actually thinking of having it placed into a charm to remind me of God’s faithfulness ... NOT!!!!
My evaluations all went very well and I was VERY thankful to enjoy the weekend without learning how much time percocet adds to a timed talk. I received very positive feedback, but they didn't really have any other opportunities for speakers, which I thought they would. Those on the writer’s track had opportunity to meet with actual publishers, but there really wasn’t anyone like that for speakers to meet. It WAS really encouraging to learn that people other than just family and friends enjoyed and were challenged with the messages I shared. The Holy Spirit was also DEFINITELY present throughout the weekend and God gave me a lot to chew on with Him in the weeks to come. I guess what I need to do ‘next’ is just spend some time deciding if this is something in which I’m ready to step out. As terrified as I am to put this into type, I think the weekend did confirm for me that He IS calling me to do this, but having the courage to step out of the boat is a whole other Bible study.
And the Holy Spirit speaks softly ... Jill, remember the message of your talks ...
‘I know that God can do all things; no plan of His can be thwarted’ ... ‘nothingness is precisely what God wants from you, Jill’ ... ‘until you realize your 'nothingness', you can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over you with anticipation ... ‘He brings order out of your chaos’ ... ‘life out of death’ ... ‘light into your darkness’ ... ‘greatness out of your nothing’.
Nothingness. Can it really be all that He’s asking from me?
So I’m back to where I started with asking for your prayers before the weekend started (minus the kidney stone, of course) ... please continue to pray that I would remember my nothingness as I step out into what He’s calling me to do. I find it completely God-like of Him to speak a message into my heart that I ‘thought’ was for others, but ended up being for ME ... not just for this weekend, but for the path ahead. I wouldn’t be honest if I pretended that this idea of ‘nothingness’ didn’t completely terrify my, but at the same time it’s completely welcoming and almost familiar ... almost like it’s what has always been meant to be ... kind of like home.
Nothingness. Isn’t that something ...
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Shelley and I grabbed a quick lunch before getting on our way and we had made it to the south side of Columbus when I started to develop a really bad side ache. After another half hour or so, I finally told Shelley about it and asked her to stop a minute to let me try to ‘walk it out’. I walked for about 20 minutes and we got back on our way, but the pain just kept getting worse. After a couple more longer stops, we made it to I-75 but were not on it long before we had to pull over for me to throw up, the pain was getting so bad. Starting to get a little overwhelmed, we discussed looking for an Urgent Care. Getting off at the next exit, there was a hospital sign right at the bottom of the exit and with a quick right it was literally right there! Taking that as a sign that I’d better have it checked out, Shelley dropped me at the entrance and parked the car.
This is a good place to mention that in West Virginia, there is no ‘urgent’ in Urgent Care ... just saying. I’m not sure how long we waited to be seen, but I’m thinking it was at least an hour ... the pain was so intense, I could only pace the hallways while waiting, still throwing up from time-to-time. As I paced, I really struggled not to answer Self Pity knocking at my door. I fully recognized the situation as warfare, but frankly I’m just tired of it. It didn’t help that there were a couple of ‘locals’ also waiting to be seen who felt it necessary to offer their personal diagnoses of my condition ... ‘I’ll bet it’s your appendix’ ... ‘Have you ever had kidney stones’ ... ‘Honey, you don’t look good at all’ ... a couple of them even felt it necessary to expand on their thoughts to tell me that when they had THEIR appendix out, they were in the hospital several days and had a ‘huge incision that never fully healed’ ... Seriously! Can’t make these things up ...
As I paced, I prayed ... pleading for mercy, really. For this conference, I had spent the last few weeks preparing a couple of teachings on which I would be evaluated. Being faced with the possibility of missing the conference all together, my mind raced over details ... Should I send Shelley on to the conference alone? I don’t want her to miss her opportunity ... Could I make it another 45 minutes to Charleston where the hospitals were bigger and better? If I get admitted to the hospital, and send Shelley on, could anyone come down to be with me ... Can I do this alone?
As my mind jumped around, the Holy Spirit spoke softly ... Jill, remember the message in your talks ...
I thought 'good idea, I could be practicing during this delay' and immediately, my talks started coming back to me ... From my testimony, Job 42:1 ‘I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.’ ... From my teaching on Genesis 1:1, ‘nothingness is precisely what God wants from us’ ... ‘until we realize our 'nothingness', we can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over us with anticipation ... ‘He brings order out of chaos’ ... ‘life out of death’ ... ‘light into darkness’ ... ‘greatness out of nothing’.
The question was, were these just talks or were these actual truths I could actually APPLY as chaos was again showing itself? The million dollar question: Did I believe what I was selling?
My 'practicing' turned to praying through those truths ... I wish I could report that my attitude immediately turned a 180, but I was still breathing through the pain when my name was finally called. After a blood draw, an exam, a CTscan and three shots of morphine (PRAISE GOD FOR DRUGS!) the diagnosis was official ... a kidney stone. Seriously ... can’t make this stuff up!
They assured me it was small enough to ‘process naturally’, so no need for anything but ‘meds to go’ (PRAISE GOD, both for the meds and the ‘to go’ part). So after the 4-hour tour of the ER, the morphine cocktail had dulled the pain and with a fist full of percocet and a promise of a ‘rolling stones’ weekend ahead (sorry, I know that was REALLY bad), we were back on the road! I was able to give into ‘lala land’ for a little bit and a couple hours later I was finally starting to feel well enough to offer to drive for a little bit, but for some reason Shelley seemed to think my slurred speech would raise concern if we were to be stopped. Yeah right, like we would ever be stopped!!
With poor Shelley doing it all herself, we finally made it safely to the hotel a little before 2am and what I believe to be the miracle of the weekend (WARNING, graphic detail ahead), I went potty and ‘tink, tink’ there was my rolling stone!! SIMPLY AMAZING! I have never heard of a stone being passed so quickly ... that is if you can call 12 stinkin hours of intense pain to be 'so quickly'!! I’m actually thinking of having it placed into a charm to remind me of God’s faithfulness ... NOT!!!!
My evaluations all went very well and I was VERY thankful to enjoy the weekend without learning how much time percocet adds to a timed talk. I received very positive feedback, but they didn't really have any other opportunities for speakers, which I thought they would. Those on the writer’s track had opportunity to meet with actual publishers, but there really wasn’t anyone like that for speakers to meet. It WAS really encouraging to learn that people other than just family and friends enjoyed and were challenged with the messages I shared. The Holy Spirit was also DEFINITELY present throughout the weekend and God gave me a lot to chew on with Him in the weeks to come. I guess what I need to do ‘next’ is just spend some time deciding if this is something in which I’m ready to step out. As terrified as I am to put this into type, I think the weekend did confirm for me that He IS calling me to do this, but having the courage to step out of the boat is a whole other Bible study.
And the Holy Spirit speaks softly ... Jill, remember the message of your talks ...
‘I know that God can do all things; no plan of His can be thwarted’ ... ‘nothingness is precisely what God wants from you, Jill’ ... ‘until you realize your 'nothingness', you can never come face-to-face with Him, who hovers near and broods over you with anticipation ... ‘He brings order out of your chaos’ ... ‘life out of death’ ... ‘light into your darkness’ ... ‘greatness out of your nothing’.
Nothingness. Can it really be all that He’s asking from me?
So I’m back to where I started with asking for your prayers before the weekend started (minus the kidney stone, of course) ... please continue to pray that I would remember my nothingness as I step out into what He’s calling me to do. I find it completely God-like of Him to speak a message into my heart that I ‘thought’ was for others, but ended up being for ME ... not just for this weekend, but for the path ahead. I wouldn’t be honest if I pretended that this idea of ‘nothingness’ didn’t completely terrify my, but at the same time it’s completely welcoming and almost familiar ... almost like it’s what has always been meant to be ... kind of like home.
Nothingness. Isn’t that something ...
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