If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase ‘tis the season’ ... and not always in the intended positive way! Kids throwing up, ‘tis the season’ ... Crazy weekends, ‘tis the season’ ... Early mornings, late nights, ‘tis the season’ ... So many bills to pay, ‘tis the season’ ... Cranky kids, ‘tis the season’ ... Crankier mom, ‘tis the season’ ...
This year, this season has brought about a whole new batch of challenges, many of which I’ve been dreading for several months now. Even Christmas cards, which I normally can’t wait to tear open, are set aside for days as I dread the sentiments that are written in complete love for us, but are still hard to open as they remind me of the ultimate challenge of the season this year ... a loss of what used to make it all fun ... worth the chaos.
Today, when I got the mail, almost out of habit I just started to open the cards, rather than set them aside ... the first one was from one of David's friends, which I would definitely have set aside for another day if it wasn’t for the sheer appreciation for how hard it had to be for them to send it, too. Opening it, I found the kindest hand-written note ... May God bless you with a peace that passes all understanding and a joy that can not be taken from you.
A peace that passes understanding ... A joy that can not be taken from you ...
While it is rare for my peace to be stolen, I really am guilty of not allowing it to go beyond my understanding very often. I’m pretty good about thinking things through or having a plan and as I’ve shared many times, my sin of ‘need to know’ often keeps me searching for the understanding behind things, until I find it ... Why, when, how, who ... All good questions, in my book ... I’m working on it, though. In spite of myself, I am thankful that I have often experienced the peace that just doesn’t make sense, especially with the kids. I recently asked them how they were doing without their Dad, and they joyfully answered ‘Good!’ ... Sometimes it makes me mad :) It certainly passes ANY understanding, but I’m growing more and more comfortable with not having to know the how or the why behind it.
Joy is another issue ... I’ll be honest, it’s just hard to be joyful. I want to be ... or at least I THINK I want to be ... It’s one of those things that I think God is revealing to me ‘the way’, but I’m not sure I’m ready to be well, yet. I know that sounds crazy, but Jesus does sometimes ask first, ‘do you want to be well.’ Sometimes it is our choice and God has been revealing to me how selfishness plays a role on this path ... It is an ‘ouchy’ road, and not one that I am yet ready to share, but I believe there is a great deal of truth in understanding that ‘woes is me’ is as selfish as ‘look at me’ and satan is doing all he can to keep me without joy.
And yet I know that ‘a joy that can not be taken’ is the real promise of this season ... It is the hidden truth swaddled in that manger ... It is the power of a King who came as a defenseless baby into a dark, cold world. I stood on those hills that overlook Bethlehem ... On those hills where shepherds watched their sheep ... It was not night, but as I overlooked the little town, I did look to the sky and imagined how bright the star must have been to be seen so far, shining down on the promise of ‘a Joy that could not be taken’ from us. The same hills are still there and I know that the promise is, too.
While babies make it easy to be joyful, we can not forget that Christ’s birth is really the beginning of His road to the Cross, where He ultimately invites all of us to go ... And so I am reminded that ‘a joy that can not be taken’ must first go by way of the cross where Joy had to first be killed and buried. If I stop there, joylessness would be the result, but a grave can certainly not contain a ‘Joy that can not be taken’ ... Only a risen Joy fulfills the definition and a Savior who is coming again is our ultimate ‘joy that can not be taken’ ... A Savior who came first to rescue us from our sin, but will come again to rescue us from our hopelessness ... Our joylessness ... It is in the role of His awaiting Bride where we find our ‘joy that can not be taken’ ... It is the promise of no more tears ... No more mourning ... A promise of everything being made right and a celebration that never ends!!
I received that powerful blessing sent by way of a thoughtful Christmas greeting and in the Spirit of the season, I’m willing to share :) May God bless you with a peace that passes understanding and a Joy that can not be taken away ... it is a gift that I pray you will receive.
Tis the season ...
HOSANNA! HOSANNA! HOSANNA!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
He was, He is, He is to come ...
I’ve been praying about how to summarize our trip to Israel, without just using the word ‘amazing’ over and over ... I think I’ve had a revelation that the reason I’m having such a hard time ‘summarizing’ is because to summarize implies a finished event and I believe that what I experienced in Israel is far from being completed within me.
He was ...
How do you describe the experience of walking where Jesus walked ... overlooking the same seas and the same mountains that Jesus looked over ... sitting on the very Temple steps where Jesus taught ... praying in the Garden where Jesus prayed ... standing in the tomb where Jesus stood on that third and glorious day ... Where do you start? So many things were so different than what I expected ... I really thought His presence would feel ‘victorious’, ‘majestic’ or ‘holy’ ... I’ve been at some pretty incredible sights in my life and I’m thankful that I’m not a stranger to the presence of the Lord that feels ‘victorious’ ... in the Galilee region, where 90% of Jesus’ ministry took place, the Spirit wasn’t victorious at all, but sweet! So, so sweet ... As we took a boat ride across the Sea of Galilee, it was peaceful and calm and so sweet ... It even smelled ‘sweet’ (except for that whole fish we were served for lunch that day! ... Literally head, eyeballs, fins, scales and all!). When we took communion near the Garden Tomb, it wasn’t sad or heavy at all, but actually very light and peaceful ... almost ‘joyful’, if you can imagine ... But then again, He is risen!! Standing on the Mt. of Beatitudes (where Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mount), we had a incredible view of the whole area and it was easy to see the Bible come to life! When it was written ‘He said to His disciples, ‘Let us go to the other side (of the Sea)’, we could see the ‘other side’ ... when Jesus went up on a mountainside to pray and watched the disciples boat be tossed by the waves before walking out to them, we stood on a mountainside overlooking the sea and it was so easy to imagine how easy it would have been for Him to see from that vantage point ... Or to imagine how the crowds would be able to see Jesus get on a boat at one side and make their way to meet Him at the other side ... that mountainside was also filled with mustard seed plants, making it very easy to imagine how Jesus might have simply reached out to gather a handful of mustard seeds in His hand as He encouraged our little faith. Each site was filled with confirmations of scenes from the Bible that I had only read (and many that I had not quite gotten to yet :) Every site had an incredible story of God’s love and provision for His people ... how do you put into words what it was like to see and experience first hand that He indeed was ...
He is ...
Every day, we heard the most amazing stories of miracles in the Land ... whether it was passing the creek where David picked up those five smooth stones that defeated Goliath ... or overlooking a valley where God brought victory to modern day Israel whose tanks were outnumbered 4 to 1 in the Yom Kippur War ... or meeting a gal near Gaza who had experienced the horror of Hamas rockets, and yet God was teaching English to her in her dreams ... There is no question that miracles are abundant in the Land! I will even go as far as claiming one for myself, as my computer turned up missing when we transferred from our Tel Aviv hotel to the one in Galilee ... it took three days, but God did return it to me safe and sound, PRAISE THE LORD ... there must be something special about 'three days' in the Land :)
Much of every day referenced the Bible in some way ... just amazing to be immersed in the Word like that! You would think so much reference to the Word would cause us to grow tired of it, but in fact the exact opposite happened as it was like pouring water on parched ground ... We sucked it up as quickly as it could be given to us and thirsted for more ... We didn’t realize how thirsty we really were as we found ourselves in awe and amazement of how much of the Bible refers to His love for His Land and for His people!
One of our very first days included a worship service with a congregation of fellow ‘followers of Jesus’ at the top of Mt. Carmel, where God answered Elijah’s prayer for fire from heaven to defeat the prophets of Baal ... It was a Hebrew service and where we first learned the Hebrew name for Jesus, which is Yeshua (Yu-shoe-wa) ... As we sang His name over and over, someone commented about how for a while in the land, Jesus' name was actually CHANGED and it wasn't until recently that His name was restored to the region ... how pleased Jesus must be to hear His name, in His native tongue, after waiting so long to hear it called out in His land ... All we have to do is call on His name, friends ... Yeshua ... Yeshua ... Yeshua! How do I explain what it was like to praise His name a top such a place, asking for His return to the Land while IN the Land! His presence was overwhelming and emotional and too much to take in, let alone put into words. Somewhere between the Biblical sites and stories and the miraculous testimonies from people in our group and from the Land, I was reminded again that He indeed is ...
He is to come ...
One of my initial draws to going to Israel with this particular tour was that it was being lead by Joel Rosenberg, who is a Bible teacher of End Times prophecy. If you don’t know who he is, I could go on and on about him, especially after meeting him and his family and getting to know his heart behind his love for Israel and her neighbors. I encourage you to check into his books at your local library, or drop me an email and I’d be happy to expound further on who he is, what he believes and why I believe in what he’s doing.
The question we must first ask ourselves is do we believe that any of this is true? Elijah calling down fire from the top of Mt. Carmel ... Moses being saved in a basket sent downstream .. David killing a giant with a slingshot and a stone ... God parting the Red Sea ... a Virgin giving birth to a baby boy ... Jesus walking on water, feeding 5000 people with a couple loaves of bread and fishes, or casting out demons into a herd of pigs and casting them into the sea (I saw that mountain slope) ... Do we believe any of it? The question is do we believe the Bible for what it is, the very breath of God, sent to instruct and encourage us with truth? Do we believe Jesus to be God’s one and only son, sent to fulfill the original law, for which the wage of sin was death ... Do we believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sin, even before we were sinners ... Do we believe He was innocent of all charges, yet brutally crucified on a cross and buried ... Do we believe He arose from the dead and joined our Father in heaven ... Do we actually believe that? Do we believe Jesus went away to prepare a place for us in Heaven and intends to return one day so that we can join Him in His reign forever ... Do we believe it? Some of it? Any of it?
I just finished another great book by David Jeremiah, called ‘What in the World is Going On’ ... In it, he states an amazing fact ... did you know that Scripture references the Second Coming of Jesus Christ EIGHT TIMES MORE than it refers to His First Coming? EIGHT TIMES MORE! If we believe any of what I’ve been sharing about these amazing sites throughout Israel, and truly believe them to be accurately represented in the Bible and true to world history ... true to our heritage ... How much more should we believe and expect that Jesus is coming again, especially if His Second Coming is taught EIGHT TIMES MORE in the Bible than any other reference!?! Think about that.
Friends, He is coming ... and I’m not the only one who believes that He’s coming very soon ... in the Land, it was encouraging and overwhelming to talk to so many who believe He’s coming soon ... How do I put into words the experience of hearing a teaching on End Times prophecy as we looked out upon the Mt. of Olives (where Jesus is believed to return) and imagine His triumphant entrance into the city ... Or while looking out upon the hills of Syria and Lebanon, which Joel taught is the direction that enemies are prophesied to come during the prophetic war detailed in Ezekiel 38-39 ... Or sitting a top Mt Megiddo (Armageddon) looking over the Jezreel Valley where Scripture prophesizes the final battle between good and evil will take place, when satan will finally receive his destiny in the lake of fire. It all seems so ‘out there’ ... until you see actual signs of other prophecy already fulfilled, and then it’s not so crazy.
Many may not know that when Israel became it’s own state in 1948, that was a fulfillment of prophecy in Ezekiel 37 ... I had no idea how much of a miracle becoming its own state was until we visited the Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum and saw the degree to which the Jews had been scattered and persecuted throughout the world, or when hearing the history of the Land of how many different people have possessed the Land from the time of Jesus, until now. Some archeological sites show 27-some different types of settlements of the Land over the last 2000 years! Why so much argument over the Land? I was joking that the real reason for so much tension in the Middle East was obvious to me as soon as I stepped foot in the Land ... No Mt. Dew!! Seriously. No wonder they’re cranky!!!! But most likely it has to do with 2 Chronicles 6:6 when God declares 'I have chosen Jerusalem, that My name might be there'. And what God declares for Himself, satan wants.
More evidence of prophecy fulfilled ... when we went to the Gaza area to do our outreach project, we passed through deserts that were literally blooming with crops of all kinds (fulfillment of Isaiah 35). Desserts blooming! This is in stark contrast to Mark Twain’s infamous synopsis of the Land when he called it ‘desolate country’ in the 1800s. Ezekiel 47 also refers to the Dead Sea being ‘healed and made fresh’ from a river that flows into it, which many think is either ‘symbolic prophecy’, or just plain ‘crazy’ ... while we were at the Dead Sea we heard plans about bringing water up from the Red Sea to the Dead Sea because so much evaporation has taken place and they are concerned about it drying up ‘unless something is done’. Maybe the remnant of people who have joked about opening up bass shops on the shores of the Dead Sea should take that prompting from the Holy Spirit a little more seriously :) With regard to that prophecy in Ezekiel 38-39, which refers to a war against Israel in the End times, no one comes to her aid, except God ... the enemy named is a coalition of forces which include Iran, Russia, Lebanon, Syria, Turkey and more ... If you follow any geopolitical news, you have heard that such a coalition is already forming. Right before we left on the trip, a resolution was passed within the UN to file war crime charges against Israel for their recent fighting in Gaza ... Just a reminder, the only reason Israel went into Gaza was to defend themselves against some 4000 Hamas rockets that were being fired upon them and before entering, Israel warned Hamas numerous times to stop or face military action ... That resolution to press charges against Israel passed with a vote of 118 to 14 ... Only 14 countries supported Israel’s right to defend itself (thank God, the US was one of them!) ... Only 14 ... most of which were very tiny countries ... France and Britain abstained from the vote altogether ... the US was the only one with any kind of ‘weight’, and it’s no secret how the US’s support of Israel isn’t as definite as it used to be ... Less than 4% of Israelis even consider the current administration favorable to Israel! Less than 4%! ... Does that sound like ‘no allies to defend Israel, except God Himself’? When we discussed ANY of these injustices with Israelis, their overwhelming consistent response was ‘it does not surprise us ... it is written.’
Something else is also written ... Genesis 12:2-3, God says this of Israel ... "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." While Israel’s political allies may be dwindling and we may feel as if we have little to no control over that, we CAN step up as their spiritual and financial allies ... we can continue to pray for peace and blessing upon Israel and their neighbors and ask God what He wants us to do to bless His people and His Land.
Whew ... apparently I DID have a lot to share and I haven't even broke out my pictures and videos yet!!! Can you see now why it is taking me some time to process all that we saw, and heard, and learned, and experienced ... There are so many layers to it ... Historical (both Biblical and modern day history), social, geopolitical, spiritual, emotional ... I think I got a little sense of what God is talking about in Habakkuk when He says ‘for I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.’ I certainly KNOW now that I don’t have the capacity to get it all ... so I praise Him for calling me to go ... for meeting us while we were there ... for showing us His love for His people and His Land ... for bringing us home safely ... and for allowing me to just marinate in all of it, trusting that He will continue to show me what He wants me to see, when it is time to see it.
So, how was the trip?
Amazing ...
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
He was ...
How do you describe the experience of walking where Jesus walked ... overlooking the same seas and the same mountains that Jesus looked over ... sitting on the very Temple steps where Jesus taught ... praying in the Garden where Jesus prayed ... standing in the tomb where Jesus stood on that third and glorious day ... Where do you start? So many things were so different than what I expected ... I really thought His presence would feel ‘victorious’, ‘majestic’ or ‘holy’ ... I’ve been at some pretty incredible sights in my life and I’m thankful that I’m not a stranger to the presence of the Lord that feels ‘victorious’ ... in the Galilee region, where 90% of Jesus’ ministry took place, the Spirit wasn’t victorious at all, but sweet! So, so sweet ... As we took a boat ride across the Sea of Galilee, it was peaceful and calm and so sweet ... It even smelled ‘sweet’ (except for that whole fish we were served for lunch that day! ... Literally head, eyeballs, fins, scales and all!). When we took communion near the Garden Tomb, it wasn’t sad or heavy at all, but actually very light and peaceful ... almost ‘joyful’, if you can imagine ... But then again, He is risen!! Standing on the Mt. of Beatitudes (where Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mount), we had a incredible view of the whole area and it was easy to see the Bible come to life! When it was written ‘He said to His disciples, ‘Let us go to the other side (of the Sea)’, we could see the ‘other side’ ... when Jesus went up on a mountainside to pray and watched the disciples boat be tossed by the waves before walking out to them, we stood on a mountainside overlooking the sea and it was so easy to imagine how easy it would have been for Him to see from that vantage point ... Or to imagine how the crowds would be able to see Jesus get on a boat at one side and make their way to meet Him at the other side ... that mountainside was also filled with mustard seed plants, making it very easy to imagine how Jesus might have simply reached out to gather a handful of mustard seeds in His hand as He encouraged our little faith. Each site was filled with confirmations of scenes from the Bible that I had only read (and many that I had not quite gotten to yet :) Every site had an incredible story of God’s love and provision for His people ... how do you put into words what it was like to see and experience first hand that He indeed was ...
He is ...
Every day, we heard the most amazing stories of miracles in the Land ... whether it was passing the creek where David picked up those five smooth stones that defeated Goliath ... or overlooking a valley where God brought victory to modern day Israel whose tanks were outnumbered 4 to 1 in the Yom Kippur War ... or meeting a gal near Gaza who had experienced the horror of Hamas rockets, and yet God was teaching English to her in her dreams ... There is no question that miracles are abundant in the Land! I will even go as far as claiming one for myself, as my computer turned up missing when we transferred from our Tel Aviv hotel to the one in Galilee ... it took three days, but God did return it to me safe and sound, PRAISE THE LORD ... there must be something special about 'three days' in the Land :)
Much of every day referenced the Bible in some way ... just amazing to be immersed in the Word like that! You would think so much reference to the Word would cause us to grow tired of it, but in fact the exact opposite happened as it was like pouring water on parched ground ... We sucked it up as quickly as it could be given to us and thirsted for more ... We didn’t realize how thirsty we really were as we found ourselves in awe and amazement of how much of the Bible refers to His love for His Land and for His people!
One of our very first days included a worship service with a congregation of fellow ‘followers of Jesus’ at the top of Mt. Carmel, where God answered Elijah’s prayer for fire from heaven to defeat the prophets of Baal ... It was a Hebrew service and where we first learned the Hebrew name for Jesus, which is Yeshua (Yu-shoe-wa) ... As we sang His name over and over, someone commented about how for a while in the land, Jesus' name was actually CHANGED and it wasn't until recently that His name was restored to the region ... how pleased Jesus must be to hear His name, in His native tongue, after waiting so long to hear it called out in His land ... All we have to do is call on His name, friends ... Yeshua ... Yeshua ... Yeshua! How do I explain what it was like to praise His name a top such a place, asking for His return to the Land while IN the Land! His presence was overwhelming and emotional and too much to take in, let alone put into words. Somewhere between the Biblical sites and stories and the miraculous testimonies from people in our group and from the Land, I was reminded again that He indeed is ...
He is to come ...
One of my initial draws to going to Israel with this particular tour was that it was being lead by Joel Rosenberg, who is a Bible teacher of End Times prophecy. If you don’t know who he is, I could go on and on about him, especially after meeting him and his family and getting to know his heart behind his love for Israel and her neighbors. I encourage you to check into his books at your local library, or drop me an email and I’d be happy to expound further on who he is, what he believes and why I believe in what he’s doing.
The question we must first ask ourselves is do we believe that any of this is true? Elijah calling down fire from the top of Mt. Carmel ... Moses being saved in a basket sent downstream .. David killing a giant with a slingshot and a stone ... God parting the Red Sea ... a Virgin giving birth to a baby boy ... Jesus walking on water, feeding 5000 people with a couple loaves of bread and fishes, or casting out demons into a herd of pigs and casting them into the sea (I saw that mountain slope) ... Do we believe any of it? The question is do we believe the Bible for what it is, the very breath of God, sent to instruct and encourage us with truth? Do we believe Jesus to be God’s one and only son, sent to fulfill the original law, for which the wage of sin was death ... Do we believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sin, even before we were sinners ... Do we believe He was innocent of all charges, yet brutally crucified on a cross and buried ... Do we believe He arose from the dead and joined our Father in heaven ... Do we actually believe that? Do we believe Jesus went away to prepare a place for us in Heaven and intends to return one day so that we can join Him in His reign forever ... Do we believe it? Some of it? Any of it?
I just finished another great book by David Jeremiah, called ‘What in the World is Going On’ ... In it, he states an amazing fact ... did you know that Scripture references the Second Coming of Jesus Christ EIGHT TIMES MORE than it refers to His First Coming? EIGHT TIMES MORE! If we believe any of what I’ve been sharing about these amazing sites throughout Israel, and truly believe them to be accurately represented in the Bible and true to world history ... true to our heritage ... How much more should we believe and expect that Jesus is coming again, especially if His Second Coming is taught EIGHT TIMES MORE in the Bible than any other reference!?! Think about that.
Friends, He is coming ... and I’m not the only one who believes that He’s coming very soon ... in the Land, it was encouraging and overwhelming to talk to so many who believe He’s coming soon ... How do I put into words the experience of hearing a teaching on End Times prophecy as we looked out upon the Mt. of Olives (where Jesus is believed to return) and imagine His triumphant entrance into the city ... Or while looking out upon the hills of Syria and Lebanon, which Joel taught is the direction that enemies are prophesied to come during the prophetic war detailed in Ezekiel 38-39 ... Or sitting a top Mt Megiddo (Armageddon) looking over the Jezreel Valley where Scripture prophesizes the final battle between good and evil will take place, when satan will finally receive his destiny in the lake of fire. It all seems so ‘out there’ ... until you see actual signs of other prophecy already fulfilled, and then it’s not so crazy.
Many may not know that when Israel became it’s own state in 1948, that was a fulfillment of prophecy in Ezekiel 37 ... I had no idea how much of a miracle becoming its own state was until we visited the Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum and saw the degree to which the Jews had been scattered and persecuted throughout the world, or when hearing the history of the Land of how many different people have possessed the Land from the time of Jesus, until now. Some archeological sites show 27-some different types of settlements of the Land over the last 2000 years! Why so much argument over the Land? I was joking that the real reason for so much tension in the Middle East was obvious to me as soon as I stepped foot in the Land ... No Mt. Dew!! Seriously. No wonder they’re cranky!!!! But most likely it has to do with 2 Chronicles 6:6 when God declares 'I have chosen Jerusalem, that My name might be there'. And what God declares for Himself, satan wants.
More evidence of prophecy fulfilled ... when we went to the Gaza area to do our outreach project, we passed through deserts that were literally blooming with crops of all kinds (fulfillment of Isaiah 35). Desserts blooming! This is in stark contrast to Mark Twain’s infamous synopsis of the Land when he called it ‘desolate country’ in the 1800s. Ezekiel 47 also refers to the Dead Sea being ‘healed and made fresh’ from a river that flows into it, which many think is either ‘symbolic prophecy’, or just plain ‘crazy’ ... while we were at the Dead Sea we heard plans about bringing water up from the Red Sea to the Dead Sea because so much evaporation has taken place and they are concerned about it drying up ‘unless something is done’. Maybe the remnant of people who have joked about opening up bass shops on the shores of the Dead Sea should take that prompting from the Holy Spirit a little more seriously :) With regard to that prophecy in Ezekiel 38-39, which refers to a war against Israel in the End times, no one comes to her aid, except God ... the enemy named is a coalition of forces which include Iran, Russia, Lebanon, Syria, Turkey and more ... If you follow any geopolitical news, you have heard that such a coalition is already forming. Right before we left on the trip, a resolution was passed within the UN to file war crime charges against Israel for their recent fighting in Gaza ... Just a reminder, the only reason Israel went into Gaza was to defend themselves against some 4000 Hamas rockets that were being fired upon them and before entering, Israel warned Hamas numerous times to stop or face military action ... That resolution to press charges against Israel passed with a vote of 118 to 14 ... Only 14 countries supported Israel’s right to defend itself (thank God, the US was one of them!) ... Only 14 ... most of which were very tiny countries ... France and Britain abstained from the vote altogether ... the US was the only one with any kind of ‘weight’, and it’s no secret how the US’s support of Israel isn’t as definite as it used to be ... Less than 4% of Israelis even consider the current administration favorable to Israel! Less than 4%! ... Does that sound like ‘no allies to defend Israel, except God Himself’? When we discussed ANY of these injustices with Israelis, their overwhelming consistent response was ‘it does not surprise us ... it is written.’
Something else is also written ... Genesis 12:2-3, God says this of Israel ... "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." While Israel’s political allies may be dwindling and we may feel as if we have little to no control over that, we CAN step up as their spiritual and financial allies ... we can continue to pray for peace and blessing upon Israel and their neighbors and ask God what He wants us to do to bless His people and His Land.
Whew ... apparently I DID have a lot to share and I haven't even broke out my pictures and videos yet!!! Can you see now why it is taking me some time to process all that we saw, and heard, and learned, and experienced ... There are so many layers to it ... Historical (both Biblical and modern day history), social, geopolitical, spiritual, emotional ... I think I got a little sense of what God is talking about in Habakkuk when He says ‘for I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.’ I certainly KNOW now that I don’t have the capacity to get it all ... so I praise Him for calling me to go ... for meeting us while we were there ... for showing us His love for His people and His Land ... for bringing us home safely ... and for allowing me to just marinate in all of it, trusting that He will continue to show me what He wants me to see, when it is time to see it.
So, how was the trip?
Amazing ...
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Monday, November 9, 2009
Shalom!
A quick update to let you know that we are safe and having a great time in Israel ... We’ve had quite the adventure thus far, but God has been gracious in so many ways ... We can not wait until we get a chance to share with you all that we have experienced ... Just today, we had an End Times teaching while at the top of one of highest mountains in the Golan Heights ... From that military vantage point, we could see the Lebanon border, the Syrian border and while looking over those valleys, we read and discussed the War of Gog and Magog (Ezekiel 38-39) and how that very prophecy will be fulfilled right there ... RIGHT THERE!!! ... I just can’t describe to you how incredible it is to be in the Land ... One of the most incredible experiences thus far! (I can’t believe we’ve only been here 3 days!) Another overwhelming experience was a chance to worship with a Messianic Jewish congregation (Jews who believe in Jesus) at the very top of Mt. Carmel ... Mt. Carmel is where Elijah called fire down from heaven to prove the prophets of Baal to be false ... We were there ... Praising the Lord ... singing in Hebrew ... Calling out for our Saviour, Yeshua to come! In the Land that He WILL COME! ... I don’t know what to say or how to put that experience into words ... humbling ... emotional ... overwhelming ... incredible.
Tomorrow, we make our ‘ascent’ to Jerusalem ... We will enter the city by walking down the Mount of Olives, just as Jesus is expected to return. KEEP PRAYING! Specifically, thank you to those who are praying for all of the ‘little distractions’ that have popped up on the trip (broken camera, missing computer) ... I am thankful for a prayer-hearing, prayer-answering God! Keep praying for us and for all that God has!
Just one more quick note to settle your concerns ... Until today, we had not seen ONE soldier or even security guard!! We were shocked to walk into the airport with no security AT ALL! Even the customs was so relaxed, it was unreal. Today, as drove through the countryside, we did see several who were doing military maneuvers in the fields, but other than that there has been no security issues at all, or even concern for safety. It is a beautiful, peaceful land, despite the news and despite the threats just over the mountain ridges ... I can not explain the sweet, sweet presence of the Lord. I’ve been to many places that make me want to just shout His name at the top of my lungs at the sight of His majesty ... But here ... The emotion is more of just sweet peace ... Complete love ... I just feel held.
It’s a wonderful Land.
More stories and details later ... Keep praying ... GOD IS ON THE MOVE, Friends! He IS coming! PRAY FOR ISRAEL!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Tomorrow, we make our ‘ascent’ to Jerusalem ... We will enter the city by walking down the Mount of Olives, just as Jesus is expected to return. KEEP PRAYING! Specifically, thank you to those who are praying for all of the ‘little distractions’ that have popped up on the trip (broken camera, missing computer) ... I am thankful for a prayer-hearing, prayer-answering God! Keep praying for us and for all that God has!
Just one more quick note to settle your concerns ... Until today, we had not seen ONE soldier or even security guard!! We were shocked to walk into the airport with no security AT ALL! Even the customs was so relaxed, it was unreal. Today, as drove through the countryside, we did see several who were doing military maneuvers in the fields, but other than that there has been no security issues at all, or even concern for safety. It is a beautiful, peaceful land, despite the news and despite the threats just over the mountain ridges ... I can not explain the sweet, sweet presence of the Lord. I’ve been to many places that make me want to just shout His name at the top of my lungs at the sight of His majesty ... But here ... The emotion is more of just sweet peace ... Complete love ... I just feel held.
It’s a wonderful Land.
More stories and details later ... Keep praying ... GOD IS ON THE MOVE, Friends! He IS coming! PRAY FOR ISRAEL!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Thursday, November 5, 2009
More . . .
Hi Friends ... I’m going to try to keep this post short, as it’s late AGAIN and I really need to get to bed ... I want to ask if you would remember to pray for our trip to Israel ... We leave today (Thurs)! Our flight leaves at 1pm EST and lands around 2:30am EST (9:30am next day, their time). We return very late on 11/17. I’m hoping to get the chance to update this blog while over there, but I have no idea what to expect in the way of free time. Thank you for praying as God prompts you!!! The kids are doing really well and even tonight as I was tucking Emma into bed she said, 'Mama, I am REALLY excited for you ... I really am! It will be wonderful for you to walk where Jesus walked ... can you bring us back a camel?' ... Do you think God's heart swells like ours? If it does, there's no doubt that it did tonight!
This week has been at the top of the crazy meter with arranging last minute details for the kids, their school, my work, packing ... In it all, I’ve been really trying to take time each night to listen to what God wants me to hear about the trip. It’s amazing the noise that satan can create when you’re trying to make room for God to speak! I’ve been reading lots of literature, looking at many maps, researching many Bible stories, trying to soak in as much as I can, as quickly as I can ... Nothing like trying to absorb 3500 years of history into just a few short weeks! I’ve often resorted to laying my head down on the books, praying for some kind of spiritual osmosis, asking God for help in retaining it all. As I’ve prayed over the trip, I keep getting an overwhelming feeling that He has something special He wants me to see ... The word ‘Home’ brings me to tears and the thought of eating the food of His Land and seeing things that Jesus saw is just overwhelming ... my prayer is that I don’t miss what God wants me to see because I’m too busy trying to see what I want to see. My prayer is that INSPITE OF MYSELF, His presence refreshes me ... that His Land inspires me and His voice restores me ... I know He is able ... and more.
SHALOM!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
This week has been at the top of the crazy meter with arranging last minute details for the kids, their school, my work, packing ... In it all, I’ve been really trying to take time each night to listen to what God wants me to hear about the trip. It’s amazing the noise that satan can create when you’re trying to make room for God to speak! I’ve been reading lots of literature, looking at many maps, researching many Bible stories, trying to soak in as much as I can, as quickly as I can ... Nothing like trying to absorb 3500 years of history into just a few short weeks! I’ve often resorted to laying my head down on the books, praying for some kind of spiritual osmosis, asking God for help in retaining it all. As I’ve prayed over the trip, I keep getting an overwhelming feeling that He has something special He wants me to see ... The word ‘Home’ brings me to tears and the thought of eating the food of His Land and seeing things that Jesus saw is just overwhelming ... my prayer is that I don’t miss what God wants me to see because I’m too busy trying to see what I want to see. My prayer is that INSPITE OF MYSELF, His presence refreshes me ... that His Land inspires me and His voice restores me ... I know He is able ... and more.
SHALOM!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Listening ...
How many know there’s a big difference between hearing and listening? This difference is one that I’m constantly experiencing with the kids ... The other night, I was ‘passionately parenting’, trying to get the kids to help get the table set for dinner. As I repeated the request at least a half dozen times, I finally elevated my voice to that level that wakes the dog and shakes the windows ... apparently the only level my kids can hear ... and said ‘DOES ANYONE HEAR ME?!?!’. Although they did stop the wrestling, I was met with blank stares and muffled responses. Pressing, I said 'Emma, what did I say?!' ... With a question in her voice she responded, 'Quit wrestling?'... frustrated, I directed my glare to number two and asked 'Sam, what did I say?!' ... 'Get ready for bed?' was his guess ... Looking to Isaac, I asked again 'Isaac, what did I say?' ... 'Clean the table off.', he flatly answered. Exasperated, I asked 'If you can hear me, why don’t you listen?', to which he gave a classic answer, 'I didn’t know you were talking to me.'
I’ve come to the conclusion that while hearing is a gift from God, listening is a choice.
I would like to think I’m a good listener, but I’m just not. I want to be, but I’m such a task-oriented person that my mind is usually running a mile a minute thinking beyond the conversation in which I’m currently engaged. Can anyone relate to that? I’ve started to wonder if this applies to my walk with God ... I want nothing more then to hear from God, but I no longer think it’s a matter of Him not speaking, or me not hearing ... I’m becoming more aware that it is me not listening ... to actively pay attention with the intention to obey.
The Bible has much to say about hearing AND listening ... In Luke 8:8, Jesus ends a parable teaching with the words 'He who has ears to hear, let him hear.' ... The Message reads, ‘Are you listening to this? Really listening?’ ... essentially, he who has the ability to hear, let him LISTEN ... (I wonder if Jesus' voice ever reached the level that shook windows!?!) What’s interesting about this verse is that just this past week in services, the teaching was on Luke 8:4-7, but God lead me to verse 8 just today, at which time I realized it was the end to the verses from Sunday's teaching ... While the title of the sermon was ‘Greater Hearing’, the focus was on the concept of understanding what comes naturally is not necessarily what God wants for us ... sometimes it takes work to follow the supernatural promptings from God. The parable in versus 4-7 is the one about the different grounds that a farmer can sow seeds ... Pastor pointed out that weeds are natural to the ground and grow without any effort ... but seeds are not natural. To grow as they are intended, they must be carefully planted and nurtured ... As is the same with Kingdom seeds ... While God tries to plant His seeds in our life ... the kinds that will prosper us and bear fruit ... there are so many things of this world that can actually act as weeds that choke out the real fruit that God intends ... some of which are quite natural to our lives (jobs, family, church, kids, goals, desires, wants). Sometimes we have to pull these things away from the seeds that God plants, so that what He plants can grow strong, without competition for everything it needs to be fruitful.
The question is, how do you pull those weeds of the world ... the ones that entangle and confuse responsibilities with God’s calling on our heart ... or our wants with our needs ... our dreams with God-given longings ... Our busy schedules with our time meant for the Lord.
Another teaching I recently heard was on the voice of a shepherd and how in Biblical times, the shepherds did not ‘herd’ their sheep, but LEAD them from place to place. No horses or dogs, the sheep were so in tune to their shepherds voice that he just called after them and they followed ... How fitting that God would use this example for His church ... Not that we would be herded or forced to follow, but that we would learn to hear His voice and yearn to be with Him, knowing He was the source of our safety and provision. Yet ANOTHER, recent teaching reminded me that when a sheep does wander in the other direction, the further it gets away from his shepherd’s voice, the harder it is to hear and to know which way to go ... eventually they become lost but not because the shepherd quit calling, but because they stopped listening and eventually could no longer hear ... Sometimes it’s good to just head in the direction of the voice, just to make sure we can still hear ... listening is a choice.
My heart is no longer to just to hear God, but to LISTEN to Him ... to move out in that Word to where I know He wants me to be ... To cultivate what God is planting, not allowing it to be choked out with fear or pride, confusion or frustration ... but sometimes those weeds are pretty complicated buggers ... It’s not so easy to trade what is natural for something that is not, and sometimes it’s a lot of work to obey each time you receive a command ... like calling a friend or taking dinner to a neighbor ... sending money to someone or forgiving a debt ... forgiving a friend, or asking to be forgiven ... It can be a little ouchy or maybe even seem a little ‘cuckoo’, but the more that we move towards His voice, the more that we will hear ... the more the ground is worked, the easier it is to farm.
At the end of September, my dear friend Sheri and I booked a trip to Israel ... we leave in three weeks (Nov 5) and will be gone for 12 days (thru Nov 17). PLEASE BE PRAYING! I don’t know when God first whispered the thought to me, but soon after thinking about it, I opened an email that said ‘Have you ever wanted to go to Israel’? ... I picked up the phone and called Sheri and said “I think God wants me to go to Israel and I want you to go with me.” She said, ‘I’m in!’, but then we both agreed we should probably pray about it :) We dedicated it to prayer throughout the summer in which I have never met more people who had ‘just got back from Israel’! I even had a customer call back that turned into a testimony of her recent trip to Israel and ended with her praying for my decision and provision to go! Even with all of the coincidences that God kept bringing to our path, we still questioned if we were really hearing Him ... After all, it’s crazy, right?!? When it came time to decide, we agreed that all along we HAD been hearing from Him, but now it was up to us if we were going to listen, or not. We feel that whether we chose to go or to stay we will be okay; but if we don't go, we both felt like we are going to miss out on something. I can’t explain it ... I’ve had several people ask ‘why now’ and all I can answer is ‘I don’t know’ ... but the closer we get, the more confident I am that it’s what He is saying and I just have to move out in that.
Once again, my exchange with my kids caused me to pause and ask God ‘what are you wanting me to see here’ ... I don’t want to be so distracted with my wrestling with life that I’m not able to hear Him at all ... when I do hear His voice, I don’t want to miss what He has for me to do ... It takes discipline to step out whenever I hear Him speaking, but I believe that there is something big here with nurturing the Kingdom seeds that He is scattering into my field ... trusting that it’s a move towards my Shepherds voice and that the harvest is sure to come ... I just know that some day I’m going to stand in front of Him and I don’t want my response to be ‘but I didn’t know you were talking to me’. I continue to listen for my Shepherds voice because I am desperately dependent on Him and I want to be so in tune to His voice, that I don’t miss one step on this path ... following wherever He leads ...
... even if it’s on a cuckoo bus to Israel ...
MORE LORD, MORE!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
I’ve come to the conclusion that while hearing is a gift from God, listening is a choice.
I would like to think I’m a good listener, but I’m just not. I want to be, but I’m such a task-oriented person that my mind is usually running a mile a minute thinking beyond the conversation in which I’m currently engaged. Can anyone relate to that? I’ve started to wonder if this applies to my walk with God ... I want nothing more then to hear from God, but I no longer think it’s a matter of Him not speaking, or me not hearing ... I’m becoming more aware that it is me not listening ... to actively pay attention with the intention to obey.
The Bible has much to say about hearing AND listening ... In Luke 8:8, Jesus ends a parable teaching with the words 'He who has ears to hear, let him hear.' ... The Message reads, ‘Are you listening to this? Really listening?’ ... essentially, he who has the ability to hear, let him LISTEN ... (I wonder if Jesus' voice ever reached the level that shook windows!?!) What’s interesting about this verse is that just this past week in services, the teaching was on Luke 8:4-7, but God lead me to verse 8 just today, at which time I realized it was the end to the verses from Sunday's teaching ... While the title of the sermon was ‘Greater Hearing’, the focus was on the concept of understanding what comes naturally is not necessarily what God wants for us ... sometimes it takes work to follow the supernatural promptings from God. The parable in versus 4-7 is the one about the different grounds that a farmer can sow seeds ... Pastor pointed out that weeds are natural to the ground and grow without any effort ... but seeds are not natural. To grow as they are intended, they must be carefully planted and nurtured ... As is the same with Kingdom seeds ... While God tries to plant His seeds in our life ... the kinds that will prosper us and bear fruit ... there are so many things of this world that can actually act as weeds that choke out the real fruit that God intends ... some of which are quite natural to our lives (jobs, family, church, kids, goals, desires, wants). Sometimes we have to pull these things away from the seeds that God plants, so that what He plants can grow strong, without competition for everything it needs to be fruitful.
The question is, how do you pull those weeds of the world ... the ones that entangle and confuse responsibilities with God’s calling on our heart ... or our wants with our needs ... our dreams with God-given longings ... Our busy schedules with our time meant for the Lord.
Another teaching I recently heard was on the voice of a shepherd and how in Biblical times, the shepherds did not ‘herd’ their sheep, but LEAD them from place to place. No horses or dogs, the sheep were so in tune to their shepherds voice that he just called after them and they followed ... How fitting that God would use this example for His church ... Not that we would be herded or forced to follow, but that we would learn to hear His voice and yearn to be with Him, knowing He was the source of our safety and provision. Yet ANOTHER, recent teaching reminded me that when a sheep does wander in the other direction, the further it gets away from his shepherd’s voice, the harder it is to hear and to know which way to go ... eventually they become lost but not because the shepherd quit calling, but because they stopped listening and eventually could no longer hear ... Sometimes it’s good to just head in the direction of the voice, just to make sure we can still hear ... listening is a choice.
My heart is no longer to just to hear God, but to LISTEN to Him ... to move out in that Word to where I know He wants me to be ... To cultivate what God is planting, not allowing it to be choked out with fear or pride, confusion or frustration ... but sometimes those weeds are pretty complicated buggers ... It’s not so easy to trade what is natural for something that is not, and sometimes it’s a lot of work to obey each time you receive a command ... like calling a friend or taking dinner to a neighbor ... sending money to someone or forgiving a debt ... forgiving a friend, or asking to be forgiven ... It can be a little ouchy or maybe even seem a little ‘cuckoo’, but the more that we move towards His voice, the more that we will hear ... the more the ground is worked, the easier it is to farm.
At the end of September, my dear friend Sheri and I booked a trip to Israel ... we leave in three weeks (Nov 5) and will be gone for 12 days (thru Nov 17). PLEASE BE PRAYING! I don’t know when God first whispered the thought to me, but soon after thinking about it, I opened an email that said ‘Have you ever wanted to go to Israel’? ... I picked up the phone and called Sheri and said “I think God wants me to go to Israel and I want you to go with me.” She said, ‘I’m in!’, but then we both agreed we should probably pray about it :) We dedicated it to prayer throughout the summer in which I have never met more people who had ‘just got back from Israel’! I even had a customer call back that turned into a testimony of her recent trip to Israel and ended with her praying for my decision and provision to go! Even with all of the coincidences that God kept bringing to our path, we still questioned if we were really hearing Him ... After all, it’s crazy, right?!? When it came time to decide, we agreed that all along we HAD been hearing from Him, but now it was up to us if we were going to listen, or not. We feel that whether we chose to go or to stay we will be okay; but if we don't go, we both felt like we are going to miss out on something. I can’t explain it ... I’ve had several people ask ‘why now’ and all I can answer is ‘I don’t know’ ... but the closer we get, the more confident I am that it’s what He is saying and I just have to move out in that.
Once again, my exchange with my kids caused me to pause and ask God ‘what are you wanting me to see here’ ... I don’t want to be so distracted with my wrestling with life that I’m not able to hear Him at all ... when I do hear His voice, I don’t want to miss what He has for me to do ... It takes discipline to step out whenever I hear Him speaking, but I believe that there is something big here with nurturing the Kingdom seeds that He is scattering into my field ... trusting that it’s a move towards my Shepherds voice and that the harvest is sure to come ... I just know that some day I’m going to stand in front of Him and I don’t want my response to be ‘but I didn’t know you were talking to me’. I continue to listen for my Shepherds voice because I am desperately dependent on Him and I want to be so in tune to His voice, that I don’t miss one step on this path ... following wherever He leads ...
... even if it’s on a cuckoo bus to Israel ...
MORE LORD, MORE!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Friday, October 2, 2009
Reading on ...
A couple weeks ago, I got the opportunity to sit down with my pastor. He was very kind to check in on me, and our conversation covered many topics. One particular topic was related to hearing from God ... specifically, what do you do when you think you’ve heard from God, you receive what you think are many confirmations of that Word from God, and you walk in faith of that Word from God ... but that Word just doesn’t come true ... No reason, just asking for a friend ... what should she do with that?
His answer was from 1 Corinthians 13:9, ‘we know in part and we prophesy in part’ ... the Bible says that even when we receive what we truly believe to be a prophetic Word, it is only in part ... we just can’t possibly comprehend what God fully intends, even if God wants us to get it.
[heavy sigh] I just want to ‘get it’.
Verse 10 does give some hope, though, as it continues with ‘but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away ... for now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.’
I totally know, in my Spirit, that this is God’s answer to me when I ask about all that has happened with David. If I just stop with what I see has happened and try to match it up with what I hear and/or how I feel we were being directed, it just doesn’t make sense to me ... the mirror is indeed dim ... but when I allow myself to extend the reference of time and believe that what has been promised is still yet to come, it ALL makes sense ... Oh, how I long for ‘The Perfect’ to come ...
Pastor Rich then took me to Psalm 73 ... I can’t say that this Psalm was one that I was really familiar with (which is a bummer because when your Pastor takes you to scripture in your Bible, your hope is that the page he turns to is filled with notes and highlighter ... not so much) ... I was not really familiar with this chapter, but I wish I could say the same for its theme ... it starts with a complaint ... ‘Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart’ ... Surely God is good, right? Especially to those who love Him, who seek Him, who have spent their life trying to do His will ... Surely?!? Anyone else ever have these thoughts, or is it just me? The next several verses basically continue with similar sentiments ... God, where are you? What is going on? My feet have slipped and yet the arrogant prosper ... The wicked succeed and are free of burden ... God?! The case against God continues all the way through verse 16, which says ‘all day long I have been plagued, I have been punished every morning ...’
Whew ... WAY too familiar with those sentiments.
But my pastor’s point in taking me to that Psalm was not to point out that I and the Psalmist have similar ‘issues’, as well as the same questions and complaints for God, but his real direction for me was to keep reading verses 17-28. Verse 17 continues ‘... TILL I entered the sanctuary of God, THEN I understood their final destiny’. The next verses continue ... ‘Surely I WILL place them on slippery ground, Jill ... Surely they will be destroyed and swept away ...’ and then we see a change of heart for the Psalmist ... ‘My spirit was embittered, I was senseless and confused YET YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME, you hold me by my right hand ... you will guide me and counsel me' ... I will guide you and counsel you, Jill.
And in his revelation of how great his God is, the Psalmist is overwhelmed with praise ... ‘whom do I have but you, oh God ... The earth has nothing I desire, my flesh and heart may fail [I may feel weak and helpless and even broken hearted], but God is the strength and my portion forever. Those who are far, WILL perish ... He WILL destroy those who are unfaithful, but as for me, it is good to be near my God.
Pastor Rich’s point was what a shame if we were to just stop at verse 16 ... If we stop there, nothing DOES make sense ... Nothing is fair, nothing is right, nothing is just ... we ARE left confused and disoriented ... Frustrated and brokenhearted. But there is more to the story ... there IS more. My heart started beating faster as I received that Word to what I know God has been telling me, that there is more. For a while now, whenever I’m in His presence ... through worship or Bible study or even just a conversation with Him or about Him ... everything makes sense. But when I step out of that, I’m so confused, it’s truly almost instantaneous. When someone asks me how we’re doing and I have the opportunity to tell them how good God has been to us, it all makes sense ... but when I focus on what all we’ve lost and the chaos that surrounds me, my feet start slipping and the darkness closes in fast ...
‘All day long, I have been plagued and have been punished every morning, TILL I entered the sanctuary of God, THEN I understood ...’
This week has been crazy ... I met another young Mom who lost her husband a few years ago, I checked in on another friend who lost her husband last year, I learned that another friend just lost her husband in August (also to brain tumor), am praying for close friends who are seriously fighting the H1N1 virus, praying for another friend whose brother is in critical care with a 'mysterious infection', and went to calling hours to support friends who lost their daughter tragically this week. It would be so easy to give up ... to just stop at verse 16 and close the book ... and you know that satan tries all that he can to get us to do just that and say ‘I don’t get it, God’, or maybe if he can just get us twirling in disorientation with ‘surely you take care of your people, don’t you ... surely you can’t let this happen any more’ ... Or frustrated with anger, ‘when will the wicked no longer succeed?! When God?!? Do you even care?!’
OF COURSE satan doesn’t want us to read verses 17-24 ... he doesn’t want tragedy to lead us into the sanctuary of God, that's just crazy ... he can’t risk us understanding his ‘final destiny’ ... he knows it, but he certainly doesn’t want to be reminded of it ... for if we would keep reading, we would surely know that the earth has nothing that we desire, that God is all that we need, that this world offers us nothing but what makes our heart and flesh fail ... If we were to keep reading, we would learn that God is the strength of our heart, or as The Message says it ‘You're all I want in heaven! You're all I want on earth! When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, God is rock-firm and faithful. Look! Those who left you are falling apart! Deserters, they'll never be heard from again. But I'm in the very presence of God— oh, how refreshing it is! I've made Lord God my home. God, I'm telling the world what you do!’
‘But when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.’
I guess that’s where I’m at right now ... longing for ‘The Perfect’ to come ... for the partial to be done away ... to be face-to-face and to know fully, as well as I know He knows me ... Can you imagine? For His presence to be enough, our portion forever ...
Isn’t it good to know, though, that as we continue to wait ... in this crazy world ... isn’t it good to know it doesn’t stop at verse 16. Friends, don’t stop at verse 16 ... read on ... the best is yet to come ...
It is good to be near my God.
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
His answer was from 1 Corinthians 13:9, ‘we know in part and we prophesy in part’ ... the Bible says that even when we receive what we truly believe to be a prophetic Word, it is only in part ... we just can’t possibly comprehend what God fully intends, even if God wants us to get it.
[heavy sigh] I just want to ‘get it’.
Verse 10 does give some hope, though, as it continues with ‘but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away ... for now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.’
I totally know, in my Spirit, that this is God’s answer to me when I ask about all that has happened with David. If I just stop with what I see has happened and try to match it up with what I hear and/or how I feel we were being directed, it just doesn’t make sense to me ... the mirror is indeed dim ... but when I allow myself to extend the reference of time and believe that what has been promised is still yet to come, it ALL makes sense ... Oh, how I long for ‘The Perfect’ to come ...
Pastor Rich then took me to Psalm 73 ... I can’t say that this Psalm was one that I was really familiar with (which is a bummer because when your Pastor takes you to scripture in your Bible, your hope is that the page he turns to is filled with notes and highlighter ... not so much) ... I was not really familiar with this chapter, but I wish I could say the same for its theme ... it starts with a complaint ... ‘Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart’ ... Surely God is good, right? Especially to those who love Him, who seek Him, who have spent their life trying to do His will ... Surely?!? Anyone else ever have these thoughts, or is it just me? The next several verses basically continue with similar sentiments ... God, where are you? What is going on? My feet have slipped and yet the arrogant prosper ... The wicked succeed and are free of burden ... God?! The case against God continues all the way through verse 16, which says ‘all day long I have been plagued, I have been punished every morning ...’
Whew ... WAY too familiar with those sentiments.
But my pastor’s point in taking me to that Psalm was not to point out that I and the Psalmist have similar ‘issues’, as well as the same questions and complaints for God, but his real direction for me was to keep reading verses 17-28. Verse 17 continues ‘... TILL I entered the sanctuary of God, THEN I understood their final destiny’. The next verses continue ... ‘Surely I WILL place them on slippery ground, Jill ... Surely they will be destroyed and swept away ...’ and then we see a change of heart for the Psalmist ... ‘My spirit was embittered, I was senseless and confused YET YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME, you hold me by my right hand ... you will guide me and counsel me' ... I will guide you and counsel you, Jill.
And in his revelation of how great his God is, the Psalmist is overwhelmed with praise ... ‘whom do I have but you, oh God ... The earth has nothing I desire, my flesh and heart may fail [I may feel weak and helpless and even broken hearted], but God is the strength and my portion forever. Those who are far, WILL perish ... He WILL destroy those who are unfaithful, but as for me, it is good to be near my God.
Pastor Rich’s point was what a shame if we were to just stop at verse 16 ... If we stop there, nothing DOES make sense ... Nothing is fair, nothing is right, nothing is just ... we ARE left confused and disoriented ... Frustrated and brokenhearted. But there is more to the story ... there IS more. My heart started beating faster as I received that Word to what I know God has been telling me, that there is more. For a while now, whenever I’m in His presence ... through worship or Bible study or even just a conversation with Him or about Him ... everything makes sense. But when I step out of that, I’m so confused, it’s truly almost instantaneous. When someone asks me how we’re doing and I have the opportunity to tell them how good God has been to us, it all makes sense ... but when I focus on what all we’ve lost and the chaos that surrounds me, my feet start slipping and the darkness closes in fast ...
‘All day long, I have been plagued and have been punished every morning, TILL I entered the sanctuary of God, THEN I understood ...’
This week has been crazy ... I met another young Mom who lost her husband a few years ago, I checked in on another friend who lost her husband last year, I learned that another friend just lost her husband in August (also to brain tumor), am praying for close friends who are seriously fighting the H1N1 virus, praying for another friend whose brother is in critical care with a 'mysterious infection', and went to calling hours to support friends who lost their daughter tragically this week. It would be so easy to give up ... to just stop at verse 16 and close the book ... and you know that satan tries all that he can to get us to do just that and say ‘I don’t get it, God’, or maybe if he can just get us twirling in disorientation with ‘surely you take care of your people, don’t you ... surely you can’t let this happen any more’ ... Or frustrated with anger, ‘when will the wicked no longer succeed?! When God?!? Do you even care?!’
OF COURSE satan doesn’t want us to read verses 17-24 ... he doesn’t want tragedy to lead us into the sanctuary of God, that's just crazy ... he can’t risk us understanding his ‘final destiny’ ... he knows it, but he certainly doesn’t want to be reminded of it ... for if we would keep reading, we would surely know that the earth has nothing that we desire, that God is all that we need, that this world offers us nothing but what makes our heart and flesh fail ... If we were to keep reading, we would learn that God is the strength of our heart, or as The Message says it ‘You're all I want in heaven! You're all I want on earth! When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, God is rock-firm and faithful. Look! Those who left you are falling apart! Deserters, they'll never be heard from again. But I'm in the very presence of God— oh, how refreshing it is! I've made Lord God my home. God, I'm telling the world what you do!’
‘But when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.’
I guess that’s where I’m at right now ... longing for ‘The Perfect’ to come ... for the partial to be done away ... to be face-to-face and to know fully, as well as I know He knows me ... Can you imagine? For His presence to be enough, our portion forever ...
Isn’t it good to know, though, that as we continue to wait ... in this crazy world ... isn’t it good to know it doesn’t stop at verse 16. Friends, don’t stop at verse 16 ... read on ... the best is yet to come ...
It is good to be near my God.
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Friday, September 11, 2009
Lest we forget ...
I really hope that your day today was spent like mine ... remembering 9/11 and praying for all the families affected as well as for our Troops and our leaders as they continue to fight the war on terror, on our behalf ... praying for God’s Kingdom to come to right the wrongs, but also praying for abundant forgiveness in all of our hearts, as we need to know how satan uses unforgiveness to continue stealing from lives for many years if it’s not laid down and covered with the blood of Christ. I woke up this morning burdened and heavy ... I think I was anticipating to be fully bombarded with media coverage of the somber anniversary, after all there were days and weeks dedicated to recent high-profile funerals ... but the only networks where I found any coverage, AT ALL, was on Fox News and the History Channel ... the History Channel?! Oh, lest we forget ...
As I watched the History channel specials, I was amazed at how many details of that day I had never heard before ... how many different perspectives there were to be told ... I’m sure that we’ve all heard that nearly 3000 people were killed when the towers tumbled, but have you ever heard that more than 20,000 were saved!?! ALL of the salvation stories were filled with miraculous ‘coincidences’ ... ALL OF THEM ... listening to them, I had goosebumps all over my body, while the tears flowed freely. There is no way that you could mistake God’s presence on that day ... or the fact of how many lives He saved, physically and spiritually ... Oh how satan wants to steal from His glory and to confuse us by trying to blame his stealing and the many losses on God so that we will cry out ‘where is our God’ ... rather than to see the multiple victories in God’s grace that we may cry out ‘how merciful is our God’ ... Lest we forget ...
I couldn’t help but reflect on how easily we humans ... not just Americans, but the human race as a whole ... how easily we forget what we have seen and heard ... Never mind how we forget what we’re told, but you would think the things we actually see and hear would not fade as quickly ... my faith walk has had some testimony of this as I have struggled to remember who God is, even though I fully know what He has said and has done ... 9/11 is another example I think to which we can all see this weakness in ourselves. There are so many teachings in the Bible where we are told to ‘remember’ and/or to ‘teach others’, ‘teach your children’ ... remember, remember, remember ... He knows us well, but I also think He knows our enemy well ... How many know that the lessons from our Creator are not so that we will be bound by rules, but so that we would be FREE from bondage ... so that we may walk in VICTORY in all that satan schemes against us ... He knows that satan uses our weaknesses, like short memory, to distract ... to discourage ... to bring discontentment ... Ultimately to pull us away from God and the truth that HE IS GOOD and HE IS ABLE! We must get wise to satan’s game plan and realize that his toolbox is full of all the same tricks ... actually, he really is pretty limited and uncreative if you think about it ... Lest we forget ...
This past week, God has really been challenging me with this thought ... if we guarded the gifts that He gives us in the same way that we guard our earthly possessions, how much more would we be ... how much more could we do? We go to great lengths to secure our homes, our possessions, our kids, our finances ... but how do we protect our hope ... our joy ... His love for us, or our peace ... How easily do we allow our circumstances to steal these from us? We just allow satan to take them at will, not giving up much of a fight at all ... he walks in, walks out and we mope around like there’s nothing we can do about it. What if we took what we have SEEN our Lord and Savior do ... or what we have HEARD Him say to us in the Word or in us and around us ... what if we used all that we know to be true and posted it up as a strong guard around our hope, our joy, our love and our peace and said ‘no way satan ... you’re not getting these from me because I KNOW the truth!’ What if ...
Psalm 61:3
For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.
He is good ... He is great ... He is big ... He is mighty ... He is strong ... He is just ... He is loving ... He is kind ... He is merciful ... He is purposeful ... He is all knowing ... He is in control ... He is on the move ... and He’s coming soon ... Lest we forget.
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
As I watched the History channel specials, I was amazed at how many details of that day I had never heard before ... how many different perspectives there were to be told ... I’m sure that we’ve all heard that nearly 3000 people were killed when the towers tumbled, but have you ever heard that more than 20,000 were saved!?! ALL of the salvation stories were filled with miraculous ‘coincidences’ ... ALL OF THEM ... listening to them, I had goosebumps all over my body, while the tears flowed freely. There is no way that you could mistake God’s presence on that day ... or the fact of how many lives He saved, physically and spiritually ... Oh how satan wants to steal from His glory and to confuse us by trying to blame his stealing and the many losses on God so that we will cry out ‘where is our God’ ... rather than to see the multiple victories in God’s grace that we may cry out ‘how merciful is our God’ ... Lest we forget ...
I couldn’t help but reflect on how easily we humans ... not just Americans, but the human race as a whole ... how easily we forget what we have seen and heard ... Never mind how we forget what we’re told, but you would think the things we actually see and hear would not fade as quickly ... my faith walk has had some testimony of this as I have struggled to remember who God is, even though I fully know what He has said and has done ... 9/11 is another example I think to which we can all see this weakness in ourselves. There are so many teachings in the Bible where we are told to ‘remember’ and/or to ‘teach others’, ‘teach your children’ ... remember, remember, remember ... He knows us well, but I also think He knows our enemy well ... How many know that the lessons from our Creator are not so that we will be bound by rules, but so that we would be FREE from bondage ... so that we may walk in VICTORY in all that satan schemes against us ... He knows that satan uses our weaknesses, like short memory, to distract ... to discourage ... to bring discontentment ... Ultimately to pull us away from God and the truth that HE IS GOOD and HE IS ABLE! We must get wise to satan’s game plan and realize that his toolbox is full of all the same tricks ... actually, he really is pretty limited and uncreative if you think about it ... Lest we forget ...
This past week, God has really been challenging me with this thought ... if we guarded the gifts that He gives us in the same way that we guard our earthly possessions, how much more would we be ... how much more could we do? We go to great lengths to secure our homes, our possessions, our kids, our finances ... but how do we protect our hope ... our joy ... His love for us, or our peace ... How easily do we allow our circumstances to steal these from us? We just allow satan to take them at will, not giving up much of a fight at all ... he walks in, walks out and we mope around like there’s nothing we can do about it. What if we took what we have SEEN our Lord and Savior do ... or what we have HEARD Him say to us in the Word or in us and around us ... what if we used all that we know to be true and posted it up as a strong guard around our hope, our joy, our love and our peace and said ‘no way satan ... you’re not getting these from me because I KNOW the truth!’ What if ...
Psalm 61:3
For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.
He is good ... He is great ... He is big ... He is mighty ... He is strong ... He is just ... He is loving ... He is kind ... He is merciful ... He is purposeful ... He is all knowing ... He is in control ... He is on the move ... and He’s coming soon ... Lest we forget.
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Monday, August 31, 2009
A Great Adventure ...
Hi Friends,
A few of you out there already know about this adventure, but since it has been so long since I've updated the site, I thought I would go ahead and post this as an update of something new I've learned in my walk ...
This past week, I asked for prayer from many family and friends as I traveled to Chicago for a business meeting. I decided to take David's Corvette out of storage and make a road-trip of it, hoping to also get some much needed quality quiet time with God ... The trip was definitely an adventure, but not really in the way I was hoping. It started off with car problems, lead to more car problems and ended in car problems! This is a lengthy report of how satan tries to steal and destory, so if you want the summary just drop down to the last paragraph ... but if you want to hear how BIG, yet intimate my God is ... Read the details :)
I originally planned to leave right after I got the kids into school, but Emma was not feeling well that morning, so I decided I needed to hang close to home for a little bit to make sure she was able to stay at school ... I think she was just tired after 2 full days of Kindergarten, but was also very aware that the last thing satan wanted me to do was leave town, so in prayer, I returned home to wait it out ... it turned out it was a good thing because I ended up needing to be there for a few important work emails ... after taking care of those and not hearing from the school, I thought I was a ‘go’. As I finished packing the case of Mt Dew for the trip, I was ready to head north to get the Vette (stored at the farm) ... much to my frustration, I discovered the Pilot was completely dead. Plagued with various issues with this car this summer, I determined it was a dead battery ... putting it on the charger, I decided to take the 15-20 minutes to pick up around the house, unload dishwasher, water flowers and change laundry ... Thanking God for the ‘free 20 mins’ to get so much done, I checked on the car and it was still dead!! I called my brother to get a refresher on how to hook a charger up to a car, to make sure I had done it right. Talking through different things, I decided to unattach/reattach the cables ... When I reattached them, the car alarm starts blaring, lights flashing and gauges clicking on/off. My remote would not turn the alarm off, so all I could think to do was take the charger off, which, by the way, is counterproductive to charging a dead battery. After talking it through with my brother, I had a thought of manually unlocking the doors to turn the alarm off ... It worked! Alarm off ... Battery charging ... 20 minutes later, I was on the road!
I made it to Bucyrus and switched over to the Vette and was on my way! About an hour into the trip, I decide to plug in the iPod for some Worship. Much to my frustration, the iPod was registering as a dead battery! (Catching a theme here? CHARGE ME LORD, CHARGE ME!!) This was actually very odd, as I was pretty sure I had charged it the night before. I pulled my computer out and plugged the iPod into it to charge it a little bit, and my computer died! Now I KNOW it has a 3 hour battery!! Ok, whatever ... Maybe God just wants me to listen for a little bit. So I traveled along in silence, trying to hear ... But nothing ... I tried to talk ... But I really didn’t have anything to say. I tried to think of the different things I wanted to discuss, but my mind was completely blank. Just odd ... I really felt like He was just saying ‘don’t force anything Jill ... just enjoy the drive’. So I did .... All 6 hours of it, pretty much in silence.
As I got closer to Chicago, I was REALLY regretting not staying downtown. I had decided to not bother with downtown area since my meeting was in the suburbs, but as the skyline got closer and closer, I was REALLY wishing I had been more brave. Finally, I thought ... I’m going to order a famous Gino’s Pizza and drive downtown to pick it up on the way to my hotel. A quick google search on my phone gave me a number, I called and ordered and redirected my GPS. As I was getting off the highway, my fuel light came on so I decided to stop for gas on the way to Ginos ... The city was just beautiful, starting to light up as I exited the highway ... I pulled into the first gas station I found, filled up and then back to finding my way to get the pizza! One problem ... The vette wouldn’t start! Nothing. Dead. I got out, looked at the gas cap thinking maybe I forgot to do something, but all looked okay ... Got back in the car ... Nothing. It almost sounded like it was flooded. I had all my interior lights and gauges, but it would not start. So, I called my Dad ... Dad/Mom happened to be away that weekend, too, on a bus tour to Michigan ... he just so happened to be at a table with a bunch of other Corvette guys, so after Q&A and discussing possibilities, the consensus was either a dead battery or a bad alternator. Recap ... downtown Chicago ... starting to get dark ... in a car with no power ... a Corvette, no less! I started to panic. Dad is suggesting I call AAA, see if it can be jumped, but if it was indeed the alternator, there was always a chance it would stop running on the highway ... did I mention I was in downtown Chicago?!? Ever been on those highways? Not a good place to loose power!!! I was still 45 minutes from my hotel (which by the way, Vic, was in Schaumburg!!!) ... now in a full sweat, I hung up with Dad and prayed ‘God help me’ ... I looked around trying to see if I thought anyone ‘looked trustworthy' to ask for a jump ... but, didn’t Ted Bundy ‘look trustworthy’ ... just as my mind was wandering to more horrendous thoughts, I looked up into my rearview mirror to see a tow truck pull up right behind me! Thank you, God! I jumped out and asked him if he could give me a jump ... he was able to and the car started right up! Now to find out if it was the battery or alternator ... If it’s the battery, we’re talking $100 repair that can be done in a parking lot of an Autozone ... if it’s the alternator, we’re probably talking double that or more and having to find a mechanic to do it ... in downtown Chicago, now at 8:00 at night, while still making my meeting tomorrow, which is why I’m here, remember?!?! Not to mention that if it is the alternator, GETTING to a mechanic is going to be a difficult task, in itself.
With the car now running, I was reminded not to turn it off again, until I knew I was where I needed to be, possibly for the night ... Of course, I still have a pizza I need to get ... At this point, though, I’m starting to get emotional ... Ticked off, more like it ... I FINALLY have something to say to God ... ‘God, all I wanted to do was get away with you this weekend ... I just wanted some time with you! Where are you!? I don’t understand why this has to be so difficult, where are you!?!’
I continue to work myself towards the pizza place, while at the same time googling on my phone to find the nearest Autozone (I later find out that it is ILLEGAL to talk/text on your phone while driving in Chicago ... Thankfully, I was not ‘officially warned’ of this, but I did receive many honks, gestures and eventually the guy at my hotel front desk warned me!) ... I pulled up to a valet next to the restaurant and explained the situation to the bellhop ... He kindly watched my car while I ran to get the pizza ... Thank you, God the car was still there when I returned! Back in the car, with what is becoming a VERY EXPENSIVE pizza, I finally got a number for an Autozone and called them ... They were open until 9pm (now 8:30), but were in the opposite direction of my hotel ... I decided it was my best option, but THANK GOD as the guy was finalizing directions with me, he ‘happened to mention’ that they were located in the ‘black neighborhood, but not to worry we’ve got you covered’. I hung up with him in another full sweat with all the warnings from my Moms running in my head about watching my surroundings and not doing anything dumb ... Hey, even without their warnings, I’ve seen Griswold’s Vacation and know EXACTLY what happens to hubcaps in those neighborhoods ... Can you imagine ... white girl from Ohio in Corvette?! I called him back and thanked him for his kindness, but not to wait for me because I had decided to head to my hotel and handle the issue in the morning. What do you suppose made him tell me he was in a black neighborhood?? Thank you, God.
PRAISE GOD I had my GPS because with each reroute of the plan, I had to pull over and redirect the GPS ... Ever drive downtown Chicago? Those cabbies are not very kind with needing to pull over for ANYTHING!! Between multiple calls to/from my family, I decided to call my hotel to ask them of an Autozone near the hotel. Turns out, there was one about 10-15 minutes away, so I rerouted the GPS AGAIN and prayed it was not in a bad neighborhood, that they would not close before I got there AND that the issue was the battery, not the alternator ... Oh yeah, and please let me be able to make the meeting tomorrow.
They were open until 10pm ... Thank you God ... They were able to test the car and confirmed the alternator was fine, it was a very dead battery ... They were able to change it right in the parking lot, as I chatted with a guy about his own 64 Corvette and the Lotus he used to own! Now, how I got 6 hours away with a very dead battery, who knows ... Probably the whole time I’m trying to have that conversation with God, He’s probably thinking ‘honey, can you hold off on that deep stuff ... I’m concentrating on something big here!’
So, after the crazy day, I FINALLY headed to the hotel ... made all the necessary calls to my praying family ... ate my cold $120 pizza with a warm Dew and went to bed, too tired to do anything else. While I did thank Him for keeping me safe, I ‘secretly’ hoped He had much more than this planned for the weekend!
The next morning, I got up early to prepare for my meeting and to make sure the car would start while it was early, just in case. All was good and I made it to my meeting and it went great ... Really great! God is truly opening some doors in the business, no other way to explain it. I went to find some lunch ... but after lunch, I got back into the car for my NEXT adventure ... The computer was now telling me ‘service car soon, check tire pressure’. Another call to my Dad ... Is this a big deal, or do I just need to check them? Remind me what SHOULD the tire pressure be ... I then found a gas station to check the tires. Thankfully David, being a true car guy + VERY responsible, has a tire gauge in each car! I started to put air in the tires and after a couple pumps, it stopped working! I looked at the hose attachment and the little do-hickey in the center broke! It’s metal, how does it break!?! Do things like this happen to any of you?!?!?!!! As I’m fiddling with it, these guys pull up and ask if I need help (I’m such a target!!) ... They confirm that it’s broke and redirect me to another gas station down the road. Of course, I’m so paranoid at this point that as I pull out of the first gas station, I watch my mirror to make sure those guys don’t follow me ... This next one worked and all the tires seemed to be fine ... But I pushed a little air in all 4 and the warnings turned off. Returning to my hotel, I’m starting to wonder if maybe God just wants me to stay in the room?!?
Later that night, my Mom calls to check in on me and to try to one-up my adventure by telling me that while they were on the dinner cruise they had traveled to do, their tour bus was stolen!!! STOLEN!! Have you ever heard of that before, other than in a movie?!?! Yep, our family seems to like to experience it all!!!!! They eventually found out that it was actually towed by what they were told was one big truck! I told her that if she wanted to one-up my adventure, she was welcome to it ... I did thank her, though, for encouraging me because I was thinking my trip had been pretty crappy, but at least the vette hadn’t been stolen!!!
The rest of the evening was pretty quiet, as was the following morning as I checked out and headed home. Too quiet, for for what I was hoping. As I headed home, I decided to at least spend some time in Worship, but the iPod battery AGAIN was dead, even after I INTENTIONALLY charged it all night this time!! Interesting, huh. As I passed through the city, I did not venture downtown this time ... no craving for pizza ... and just as I got to the other side of the city, the car computer chimed a warning again ... ‘check gauges/low fuel’ ... then the fuel gauge dropped from 3/4 tank to EMPTY! I had just filled up and could see that I was not leaking anything, so I knew it was okay ... just like that, the gauge just broke! So, I rode 6 hours in silence, with no idea of how much fuel I had ... Hearing nothing.
The moral of the adventure ... God is good, even when He doesn’t speak. I can’t explain how I feel about that. In an intimate way, I think God was showing me a couple of things ... first, there really isn’t a whole lot that I need to say, and not a whole lot that He needs to tell me right now ... I’m actually okay with that ... I also really feel satan tried to use the trip as an attack on my confidence in being able to do things like this on my own, all the while God continues to show me that I CAN’T do ANYTHING on my own ... That is not His plan ... He wants us to need Him in EVERYTHING, big and small ... Remember, our need is all that we have to give Him. Not only that, but He puts people in our lives for us, too ... to help us when we need help ... to pray for us when we need prayer ... to call when we need help ... to cry with us when we cry and to laugh with us when we laugh ... My peeps! That is a lesson that is just killing me. I don’t like to be so needy. I hate it. It’s one thing to be needy of Him, but it is quite another to need my family and friends ... I hate it. I know there is more for me to learn here, but it is killing something huge in me ... I think named Pride ... which I know all too well will not want to go easily, or quietly.
So, in summary ... trip was an adventure ... God showed up, even though He was silent ... meeting went well ... very well ... and both the Vette and I returned home safely .... both of which still need a thing or two worked on. Thank you for your prayers. WHO KNOWS how the weekend would have turned out WITHOUT the prayer coverage!!
WHITE GIRL FOUND ON CURB EATING PIZZA IN CHICAGO HOOD.
Thank you, also, for your grace in allowing me to be so needy ... wait ‘til I tell you about the next adventure I think God may be sending me on this fall ... If I can survive Chicago, can I survive Israel? Hmmmm .....
Please keep praying ...
Jill
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
A few of you out there already know about this adventure, but since it has been so long since I've updated the site, I thought I would go ahead and post this as an update of something new I've learned in my walk ...
This past week, I asked for prayer from many family and friends as I traveled to Chicago for a business meeting. I decided to take David's Corvette out of storage and make a road-trip of it, hoping to also get some much needed quality quiet time with God ... The trip was definitely an adventure, but not really in the way I was hoping. It started off with car problems, lead to more car problems and ended in car problems! This is a lengthy report of how satan tries to steal and destory, so if you want the summary just drop down to the last paragraph ... but if you want to hear how BIG, yet intimate my God is ... Read the details :)
I originally planned to leave right after I got the kids into school, but Emma was not feeling well that morning, so I decided I needed to hang close to home for a little bit to make sure she was able to stay at school ... I think she was just tired after 2 full days of Kindergarten, but was also very aware that the last thing satan wanted me to do was leave town, so in prayer, I returned home to wait it out ... it turned out it was a good thing because I ended up needing to be there for a few important work emails ... after taking care of those and not hearing from the school, I thought I was a ‘go’. As I finished packing the case of Mt Dew for the trip, I was ready to head north to get the Vette (stored at the farm) ... much to my frustration, I discovered the Pilot was completely dead. Plagued with various issues with this car this summer, I determined it was a dead battery ... putting it on the charger, I decided to take the 15-20 minutes to pick up around the house, unload dishwasher, water flowers and change laundry ... Thanking God for the ‘free 20 mins’ to get so much done, I checked on the car and it was still dead!! I called my brother to get a refresher on how to hook a charger up to a car, to make sure I had done it right. Talking through different things, I decided to unattach/reattach the cables ... When I reattached them, the car alarm starts blaring, lights flashing and gauges clicking on/off. My remote would not turn the alarm off, so all I could think to do was take the charger off, which, by the way, is counterproductive to charging a dead battery. After talking it through with my brother, I had a thought of manually unlocking the doors to turn the alarm off ... It worked! Alarm off ... Battery charging ... 20 minutes later, I was on the road!
I made it to Bucyrus and switched over to the Vette and was on my way! About an hour into the trip, I decide to plug in the iPod for some Worship. Much to my frustration, the iPod was registering as a dead battery! (Catching a theme here? CHARGE ME LORD, CHARGE ME!!) This was actually very odd, as I was pretty sure I had charged it the night before. I pulled my computer out and plugged the iPod into it to charge it a little bit, and my computer died! Now I KNOW it has a 3 hour battery!! Ok, whatever ... Maybe God just wants me to listen for a little bit. So I traveled along in silence, trying to hear ... But nothing ... I tried to talk ... But I really didn’t have anything to say. I tried to think of the different things I wanted to discuss, but my mind was completely blank. Just odd ... I really felt like He was just saying ‘don’t force anything Jill ... just enjoy the drive’. So I did .... All 6 hours of it, pretty much in silence.
As I got closer to Chicago, I was REALLY regretting not staying downtown. I had decided to not bother with downtown area since my meeting was in the suburbs, but as the skyline got closer and closer, I was REALLY wishing I had been more brave. Finally, I thought ... I’m going to order a famous Gino’s Pizza and drive downtown to pick it up on the way to my hotel. A quick google search on my phone gave me a number, I called and ordered and redirected my GPS. As I was getting off the highway, my fuel light came on so I decided to stop for gas on the way to Ginos ... The city was just beautiful, starting to light up as I exited the highway ... I pulled into the first gas station I found, filled up and then back to finding my way to get the pizza! One problem ... The vette wouldn’t start! Nothing. Dead. I got out, looked at the gas cap thinking maybe I forgot to do something, but all looked okay ... Got back in the car ... Nothing. It almost sounded like it was flooded. I had all my interior lights and gauges, but it would not start. So, I called my Dad ... Dad/Mom happened to be away that weekend, too, on a bus tour to Michigan ... he just so happened to be at a table with a bunch of other Corvette guys, so after Q&A and discussing possibilities, the consensus was either a dead battery or a bad alternator. Recap ... downtown Chicago ... starting to get dark ... in a car with no power ... a Corvette, no less! I started to panic. Dad is suggesting I call AAA, see if it can be jumped, but if it was indeed the alternator, there was always a chance it would stop running on the highway ... did I mention I was in downtown Chicago?!? Ever been on those highways? Not a good place to loose power!!! I was still 45 minutes from my hotel (which by the way, Vic, was in Schaumburg!!!) ... now in a full sweat, I hung up with Dad and prayed ‘God help me’ ... I looked around trying to see if I thought anyone ‘looked trustworthy' to ask for a jump ... but, didn’t Ted Bundy ‘look trustworthy’ ... just as my mind was wandering to more horrendous thoughts, I looked up into my rearview mirror to see a tow truck pull up right behind me! Thank you, God! I jumped out and asked him if he could give me a jump ... he was able to and the car started right up! Now to find out if it was the battery or alternator ... If it’s the battery, we’re talking $100 repair that can be done in a parking lot of an Autozone ... if it’s the alternator, we’re probably talking double that or more and having to find a mechanic to do it ... in downtown Chicago, now at 8:00 at night, while still making my meeting tomorrow, which is why I’m here, remember?!?! Not to mention that if it is the alternator, GETTING to a mechanic is going to be a difficult task, in itself.
With the car now running, I was reminded not to turn it off again, until I knew I was where I needed to be, possibly for the night ... Of course, I still have a pizza I need to get ... At this point, though, I’m starting to get emotional ... Ticked off, more like it ... I FINALLY have something to say to God ... ‘God, all I wanted to do was get away with you this weekend ... I just wanted some time with you! Where are you!? I don’t understand why this has to be so difficult, where are you!?!’
I continue to work myself towards the pizza place, while at the same time googling on my phone to find the nearest Autozone (I later find out that it is ILLEGAL to talk/text on your phone while driving in Chicago ... Thankfully, I was not ‘officially warned’ of this, but I did receive many honks, gestures and eventually the guy at my hotel front desk warned me!) ... I pulled up to a valet next to the restaurant and explained the situation to the bellhop ... He kindly watched my car while I ran to get the pizza ... Thank you, God the car was still there when I returned! Back in the car, with what is becoming a VERY EXPENSIVE pizza, I finally got a number for an Autozone and called them ... They were open until 9pm (now 8:30), but were in the opposite direction of my hotel ... I decided it was my best option, but THANK GOD as the guy was finalizing directions with me, he ‘happened to mention’ that they were located in the ‘black neighborhood, but not to worry we’ve got you covered’. I hung up with him in another full sweat with all the warnings from my Moms running in my head about watching my surroundings and not doing anything dumb ... Hey, even without their warnings, I’ve seen Griswold’s Vacation and know EXACTLY what happens to hubcaps in those neighborhoods ... Can you imagine ... white girl from Ohio in Corvette?! I called him back and thanked him for his kindness, but not to wait for me because I had decided to head to my hotel and handle the issue in the morning. What do you suppose made him tell me he was in a black neighborhood?? Thank you, God.
PRAISE GOD I had my GPS because with each reroute of the plan, I had to pull over and redirect the GPS ... Ever drive downtown Chicago? Those cabbies are not very kind with needing to pull over for ANYTHING!! Between multiple calls to/from my family, I decided to call my hotel to ask them of an Autozone near the hotel. Turns out, there was one about 10-15 minutes away, so I rerouted the GPS AGAIN and prayed it was not in a bad neighborhood, that they would not close before I got there AND that the issue was the battery, not the alternator ... Oh yeah, and please let me be able to make the meeting tomorrow.
They were open until 10pm ... Thank you God ... They were able to test the car and confirmed the alternator was fine, it was a very dead battery ... They were able to change it right in the parking lot, as I chatted with a guy about his own 64 Corvette and the Lotus he used to own! Now, how I got 6 hours away with a very dead battery, who knows ... Probably the whole time I’m trying to have that conversation with God, He’s probably thinking ‘honey, can you hold off on that deep stuff ... I’m concentrating on something big here!’
So, after the crazy day, I FINALLY headed to the hotel ... made all the necessary calls to my praying family ... ate my cold $120 pizza with a warm Dew and went to bed, too tired to do anything else. While I did thank Him for keeping me safe, I ‘secretly’ hoped He had much more than this planned for the weekend!
The next morning, I got up early to prepare for my meeting and to make sure the car would start while it was early, just in case. All was good and I made it to my meeting and it went great ... Really great! God is truly opening some doors in the business, no other way to explain it. I went to find some lunch ... but after lunch, I got back into the car for my NEXT adventure ... The computer was now telling me ‘service car soon, check tire pressure’. Another call to my Dad ... Is this a big deal, or do I just need to check them? Remind me what SHOULD the tire pressure be ... I then found a gas station to check the tires. Thankfully David, being a true car guy + VERY responsible, has a tire gauge in each car! I started to put air in the tires and after a couple pumps, it stopped working! I looked at the hose attachment and the little do-hickey in the center broke! It’s metal, how does it break!?! Do things like this happen to any of you?!?!?!!! As I’m fiddling with it, these guys pull up and ask if I need help (I’m such a target!!) ... They confirm that it’s broke and redirect me to another gas station down the road. Of course, I’m so paranoid at this point that as I pull out of the first gas station, I watch my mirror to make sure those guys don’t follow me ... This next one worked and all the tires seemed to be fine ... But I pushed a little air in all 4 and the warnings turned off. Returning to my hotel, I’m starting to wonder if maybe God just wants me to stay in the room?!?
Later that night, my Mom calls to check in on me and to try to one-up my adventure by telling me that while they were on the dinner cruise they had traveled to do, their tour bus was stolen!!! STOLEN!! Have you ever heard of that before, other than in a movie?!?! Yep, our family seems to like to experience it all!!!!! They eventually found out that it was actually towed by what they were told was one big truck! I told her that if she wanted to one-up my adventure, she was welcome to it ... I did thank her, though, for encouraging me because I was thinking my trip had been pretty crappy, but at least the vette hadn’t been stolen!!!
The rest of the evening was pretty quiet, as was the following morning as I checked out and headed home. Too quiet, for for what I was hoping. As I headed home, I decided to at least spend some time in Worship, but the iPod battery AGAIN was dead, even after I INTENTIONALLY charged it all night this time!! Interesting, huh. As I passed through the city, I did not venture downtown this time ... no craving for pizza ... and just as I got to the other side of the city, the car computer chimed a warning again ... ‘check gauges/low fuel’ ... then the fuel gauge dropped from 3/4 tank to EMPTY! I had just filled up and could see that I was not leaking anything, so I knew it was okay ... just like that, the gauge just broke! So, I rode 6 hours in silence, with no idea of how much fuel I had ... Hearing nothing.
The moral of the adventure ... God is good, even when He doesn’t speak. I can’t explain how I feel about that. In an intimate way, I think God was showing me a couple of things ... first, there really isn’t a whole lot that I need to say, and not a whole lot that He needs to tell me right now ... I’m actually okay with that ... I also really feel satan tried to use the trip as an attack on my confidence in being able to do things like this on my own, all the while God continues to show me that I CAN’T do ANYTHING on my own ... That is not His plan ... He wants us to need Him in EVERYTHING, big and small ... Remember, our need is all that we have to give Him. Not only that, but He puts people in our lives for us, too ... to help us when we need help ... to pray for us when we need prayer ... to call when we need help ... to cry with us when we cry and to laugh with us when we laugh ... My peeps! That is a lesson that is just killing me. I don’t like to be so needy. I hate it. It’s one thing to be needy of Him, but it is quite another to need my family and friends ... I hate it. I know there is more for me to learn here, but it is killing something huge in me ... I think named Pride ... which I know all too well will not want to go easily, or quietly.
So, in summary ... trip was an adventure ... God showed up, even though He was silent ... meeting went well ... very well ... and both the Vette and I returned home safely .... both of which still need a thing or two worked on. Thank you for your prayers. WHO KNOWS how the weekend would have turned out WITHOUT the prayer coverage!!
WHITE GIRL FOUND ON CURB EATING PIZZA IN CHICAGO HOOD.
Thank you, also, for your grace in allowing me to be so needy ... wait ‘til I tell you about the next adventure I think God may be sending me on this fall ... If I can survive Chicago, can I survive Israel? Hmmmm .....
Please keep praying ...
Jill
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Childlike prayers ...
Each night at dinner, I always ask the kids first if one of them would like to lead us in thanking God for the meal ... a few nights back, Sam (my second, who is 7) enthusiastically volunteered, so I gave him the honors ... and this is how it went ...
‘Thank you God that Daddy’s in heaven making new friends ... with other dead people ... and thank you that we’re not wild animals ... except for Gracie, of course ... and thank you for whoever made us this food, Amen!’
My heart softened with his thought of Daddy making friends in heaven ... a smile started to crinkle at the corners with the dead people comment and by the time he was finished, I could not contain the chuckle as my son basically just slammed me for carrying-in dinner ... AGAIN. As he finished, he looked at me with that smirk in his eyes (which is ALL Rindfuss!), a shrug of his shoulders, with hands raised upward and in true Sam fashion innocently asked, ‘What?’ I just shook my head trying to contain the full-fledge laugh that might be received as too much approval and just said, ‘That was very nice Sam ... I’m thankful we’re not wild animals, too.’
As the conversation turned to ‘if you WERE a wild animal, which one would you be?’, my mind wandered ... aside from the randomness, what a great prayer! How simple ... how pure of heart ... so full of thanksgiving ... truly perfect. Oh, how nice it would be to be so young ... to be completely abandoned to random thoughts and pure expressions from the heart ... not stopping first to think about the logic or the relevance of what we have to say, but to just say it with a pure heart, as the Lord brings it ... Oh, to be so young again ...
Earlier in the spring, I participated in a Bible Study on prayer ... It was very timely for me as I was just coming out of the chaos with David and I was struggling with many things in my Faith, especially relating to prayer ... I wasn’t sure if it was that I no longer believed in prayer, or if it was the power of prayer I questioned ... Or maybe it was if God heard our prayers? Was I questioning the right way of doing it, or was it that I just no longer 'felt like it'? At the same time of the study, our Pastor was doing a series on ‘The Big Picture’, and one week he ALSO taught on prayer (do you think God wanted me to get back to praying??) ... One thing in particular really jumped out as he taught that when we are walking with the Lord, our prayers, themselves, are God-given. How cool is that? Yet another example of how God not only goes before us, but asks for nothing more than what He has already provided. Haven’t you ever wondered ‘what should I pray’ or ‘how should I pray’ ... the fact that you are burdened to pray, is from God, and however we are feeling lead to pray, is from Him too ... We just need to let the randomness happen, disregard what we ‘think’ sounds good or relevant and abandon ourselves to the purity of the prayer itself, as it comes forth ... and that is how the Spirit is moved. So often we get all jumbled up thinking that it doesn’t make sense ... or perhaps not liking how we sound ... or maybe it’s what He’s saying to us that we don’t like?? If only we could just abandon ourselves to it, would we then see the Spirit move?
Thinking that I might be onto something with allowing randomness in our prayers (and in our Faith, as a whole) and seeing how good kids are at being random, my mind then wandered to the verses in Matthew where Jesus says ‘let the little children come to me’ (Matthew 19:14). You know, I always read that as if He was referring to actual children, the young in age ... that it was an illustration of how He has a special place in His heart for children and childrens ministry. While I do believe that is also true, I couldn’t help but wonder if He was also saying something else here ... I noticed a chapter earlier (Matthew 18:2-4) that He also mentioned children ... He says ‘I tell you the truth’ (how many know that whenever Jesus says ‘I tell you the truth’, we don’t want to miss what’s next?!!!) ... He says ‘I tell you the truth, unless you become like a little child, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Now, we know that ‘become like a little child’ can not refer to age because we can not change our age, so most likely He is referring to something else ... maybe He means young in attitude or young in emotion or in spiritually. Many have their definition of what ‘childlike faith’ means, whether it’s innocence, trusting or maybe even naïvity, but I believe God is saying it’s way more ... I believe it means ALL that a child can be ... it means a playful, random, creative, unconditional, easy-to-forgive and even flexible faith ... I believe Matthew 19:14 is a call out to ALL OF US to let the childlikeness in each of us to COME FORTH! Not only does He call it forth, but He also warns those who are uncomfortable with childishness ... He says, ‘do not hinder’ this coming forth as a child, but be ‘welcoming’ of it! That’s a Word for both of us who are feeling God calling the child out within us, but also for those of us who aren’t patient with other Christians who are just learning to walk, too ... ‘to welcome’ ... be ‘kind in greeting’, ‘generous in warmth’, and ‘receiving with acceptance’ ... for those who come forth as a child are ultimately humble (full of thanksgiving) and they are the greatest of those in the Kingdom! (Matthew 18:4)
Wow! Makes me WANT to be a child ... while kids can certainly drive us nuts from time-to-time (trust me I know, as I just vacationed with 13 of them!!), I’m beginning to think they are the ones who have it all figured out ... All of the sudden, ‘random’ sounds pretty organized to me ... ‘playful’ and ‘light-hearted’ sounds refreshing, not frustrating ... and maybe even a little ‘ornery’ from time-to-time has its place ... It seems like it all adds up to honesty in their emotions and transparency in their needs; afterall, how often do you see a child hold back their tears or their desire to be held? And while I can truly see how they can be mistaken for a wild animal, or two, it is in our ‘childlikeness’ where we ultimately find our complete dependency on our Father, who cares for even the least of these.
Go figure ... it turns out that the randomness in Sam’s prayer wasn't odd at all ... it was actually the most perfect part!
Oh, to be young again ...
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
‘Thank you God that Daddy’s in heaven making new friends ... with other dead people ... and thank you that we’re not wild animals ... except for Gracie, of course ... and thank you for whoever made us this food, Amen!’
My heart softened with his thought of Daddy making friends in heaven ... a smile started to crinkle at the corners with the dead people comment and by the time he was finished, I could not contain the chuckle as my son basically just slammed me for carrying-in dinner ... AGAIN. As he finished, he looked at me with that smirk in his eyes (which is ALL Rindfuss!), a shrug of his shoulders, with hands raised upward and in true Sam fashion innocently asked, ‘What?’ I just shook my head trying to contain the full-fledge laugh that might be received as too much approval and just said, ‘That was very nice Sam ... I’m thankful we’re not wild animals, too.’
As the conversation turned to ‘if you WERE a wild animal, which one would you be?’, my mind wandered ... aside from the randomness, what a great prayer! How simple ... how pure of heart ... so full of thanksgiving ... truly perfect. Oh, how nice it would be to be so young ... to be completely abandoned to random thoughts and pure expressions from the heart ... not stopping first to think about the logic or the relevance of what we have to say, but to just say it with a pure heart, as the Lord brings it ... Oh, to be so young again ...
Earlier in the spring, I participated in a Bible Study on prayer ... It was very timely for me as I was just coming out of the chaos with David and I was struggling with many things in my Faith, especially relating to prayer ... I wasn’t sure if it was that I no longer believed in prayer, or if it was the power of prayer I questioned ... Or maybe it was if God heard our prayers? Was I questioning the right way of doing it, or was it that I just no longer 'felt like it'? At the same time of the study, our Pastor was doing a series on ‘The Big Picture’, and one week he ALSO taught on prayer (do you think God wanted me to get back to praying??) ... One thing in particular really jumped out as he taught that when we are walking with the Lord, our prayers, themselves, are God-given. How cool is that? Yet another example of how God not only goes before us, but asks for nothing more than what He has already provided. Haven’t you ever wondered ‘what should I pray’ or ‘how should I pray’ ... the fact that you are burdened to pray, is from God, and however we are feeling lead to pray, is from Him too ... We just need to let the randomness happen, disregard what we ‘think’ sounds good or relevant and abandon ourselves to the purity of the prayer itself, as it comes forth ... and that is how the Spirit is moved. So often we get all jumbled up thinking that it doesn’t make sense ... or perhaps not liking how we sound ... or maybe it’s what He’s saying to us that we don’t like?? If only we could just abandon ourselves to it, would we then see the Spirit move?
Thinking that I might be onto something with allowing randomness in our prayers (and in our Faith, as a whole) and seeing how good kids are at being random, my mind then wandered to the verses in Matthew where Jesus says ‘let the little children come to me’ (Matthew 19:14). You know, I always read that as if He was referring to actual children, the young in age ... that it was an illustration of how He has a special place in His heart for children and childrens ministry. While I do believe that is also true, I couldn’t help but wonder if He was also saying something else here ... I noticed a chapter earlier (Matthew 18:2-4) that He also mentioned children ... He says ‘I tell you the truth’ (how many know that whenever Jesus says ‘I tell you the truth’, we don’t want to miss what’s next?!!!) ... He says ‘I tell you the truth, unless you become like a little child, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Now, we know that ‘become like a little child’ can not refer to age because we can not change our age, so most likely He is referring to something else ... maybe He means young in attitude or young in emotion or in spiritually. Many have their definition of what ‘childlike faith’ means, whether it’s innocence, trusting or maybe even naïvity, but I believe God is saying it’s way more ... I believe it means ALL that a child can be ... it means a playful, random, creative, unconditional, easy-to-forgive and even flexible faith ... I believe Matthew 19:14 is a call out to ALL OF US to let the childlikeness in each of us to COME FORTH! Not only does He call it forth, but He also warns those who are uncomfortable with childishness ... He says, ‘do not hinder’ this coming forth as a child, but be ‘welcoming’ of it! That’s a Word for both of us who are feeling God calling the child out within us, but also for those of us who aren’t patient with other Christians who are just learning to walk, too ... ‘to welcome’ ... be ‘kind in greeting’, ‘generous in warmth’, and ‘receiving with acceptance’ ... for those who come forth as a child are ultimately humble (full of thanksgiving) and they are the greatest of those in the Kingdom! (Matthew 18:4)
Wow! Makes me WANT to be a child ... while kids can certainly drive us nuts from time-to-time (trust me I know, as I just vacationed with 13 of them!!), I’m beginning to think they are the ones who have it all figured out ... All of the sudden, ‘random’ sounds pretty organized to me ... ‘playful’ and ‘light-hearted’ sounds refreshing, not frustrating ... and maybe even a little ‘ornery’ from time-to-time has its place ... It seems like it all adds up to honesty in their emotions and transparency in their needs; afterall, how often do you see a child hold back their tears or their desire to be held? And while I can truly see how they can be mistaken for a wild animal, or two, it is in our ‘childlikeness’ where we ultimately find our complete dependency on our Father, who cares for even the least of these.
Go figure ... it turns out that the randomness in Sam’s prayer wasn't odd at all ... it was actually the most perfect part!
Oh, to be young again ...
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Father's Day
Hi Friends ... thank you for your constant prayers as we continue to put one foot in front of the other ... Over the past few weeks, this path has been both slippery and steep as it has seemed like we’ve been walking in some dark weather recently (see prayer requests at the end) ... but, day by day, we move forward, asking, seeking and receiving God’s mercy and grace with each step.
Since I’ve last updated, we’ve had a lot going on ... experiencing a lot of ‘firsts’ and revisiting just as many ‘memories’ ... David’s birthday ... Emma’s preschool graduation ... a family wedding ... Isaac’s first home run ... Sam’s toothless grin ... vacationing at the Florida house with my family ... packing and traveling as a single parent ... Father’s Day ... tears still come often and easily, but we also try to get some laughs in there, too. It’s crazy how I’m constantly trying to reign in my emotions as they seem to be swinging all over the place and hyper-sensitive, to boot ... when my heart hurts, it doesn’t just hurt, it feels like it’s folding into itself ... when someone does something kind for us, I’m not just appreciative, I’m simply overwhelmed ... when the kids cuddle in, it’s not enough to hold them, I want to fold myself around them, surrounding them in one big protective bubble ...
It’s a constant walk and sometimes it feels like we’re walking in a snow storm where it takes 3 or 4 steps in the slushy stuff to feel like you’ve moved forward at all ... but in His amazing way, God continues to know what we need and provide everything just as we need it. These past couple of weeks, He knew that I would need a heavy dose of His presence, as He blessed me with different opportunities to get away to spend some time in Worship and sound teaching ... The first thing I’ve learned is that I can not afford to be out of His presence because when I’m in it, life makes sense ... when I’m not, I’m a mess! In His presence, He continues to confirm what He’s been saying to us all along ... ‘you have heard’ ... ‘I’m doing a new thing’ ... ‘I’m coming’ ... ‘be ready’. These Words have been like large directional signs along the path, encouraging me that we ARE going the right way, we just need to keep coming. Can anyone agree with me on how comforting it is when a directional sign pops up on a road where you’ve been lost, confirming you’re going the right way?!? More fuel for our crazy bus, to say the least, so we continue to look upward and call out ‘Come Lord, Come!’
This past weekend, Father’s Day was especially difficult for me ... It started weeks ago as our world is crazy with the consumer marketing ... You can not go anywhere or do anything without being reminded to ‘not forget Dad’ ... I knew it was not going to be easy to ignore this holiday, but never before in my life have I had so much compassion for the fatherless and how it feels to be reminded that you do not have a Dad. (The next time we’re inundated with this type of holiday marketing, say a prayer for those whose hearts are hurting with each reminder.) At first, I tried to protect the kids from it and then I decided that I wasn’t going to let satan gain a foothold, so I decided to talk about it and ask them how they wanted to celebrate their Dad. We had some ideas, but satan kept working on me through my emotions ... anger ... sadness ... regret ... roaring like a lion, devouring much of the ground that had been won back over the past few months. But as I watched my kids on Sunday, unselfishly supporting their cousins as they celebrated their Dads and unselfishly celebrating their Grandpas, too, it was obvious to me that something Heavenly was going on ... that their heavenly Father was standing in the gap for them, just like David used to do for them, too!
I’m not really sure if the kids truly understand how divinely they are being cared for, but to me (and others) I know that the only way to explain their peace and their joy is to give God all the glory for it. No other way to explain it. It got me thinking about Father’s Day and where our focus SHOULD be. I am very blessed to have two very Godly, earthly Dads (Mine and David’s), but unfortunately, I know that is not the norm for many. But, even WITH Godly father figures here on Earth, the truth is that we can not rely on them to be all that we long for a Dad to be ... Our Creator has placed in us the longing to be protected ... the longing to be provided for ... to be loved and encouraged unconditionally ... to have access to worldly wisdom when we don’t know what to do ... to be forgiven when we make a mess of things and to be held when we hurt ... to be accepted by laughing at our dumb knock-knock jokes and to show us that they want to be with us by playing with us on the beach or in the pool ... as great of a Dad that David was (and he truly was the best Dad!), he could never be everything that Isaac, Sam and Emma would need him to be ... not completely. I’m not saying that they are better off, trust me, I’m not even close to that thought, but what I’m trying to say is that when we put our hopes and dreams, our needs and longings into earthly things ... including people ... we are setting ourselves up for huge disappointments because people are not capable of filling the needs and the longings that God, Himself, has placed in us ... Only HE can do that. Isaac, Sam and Emma (and myself, too) are learning that only God can be there for them all the time, forever, every single time that they need Him. It was a revelation to me as I struggle to recreate myself to be what I think they were getting from David ... But no matter how I try, I can’t be what they need from a Father and I need to start teaching them that when they have a need or a longing that is not being met, they need to seek God whole-heartedly for it ... I can’t protect them from getting hurt, I can’t provide for them all their needs because I don’t KNOW all their needs ... It is a part of God’s plan to create these needs, these dreams, these longings in us so that we will come to Him to be filled ... only He can fill us because only He truly knows what we were created to need. People come and go in our lives, but God never leaves us ... People’s hearts change with the wind, but God’s heart is constant ... People will disappoint because they are not CAPABLE of providing all that we need ... but hope in the Lord will never disappoint (Isaiah 49:23). When we feel disappointed and/or a need not being filled, that needs to be our cue to seek God for it, as He is just longing to be all that we need.
A friend who has recently lost her son mentioned that as she worships, she often stops to listen to everyone singing around her and wonders what it must sound like in Heaven (which reminds me, Lynn, I’m sorry I’ve not responded to your email YET but you touched my heart!) ... I just smiled, because I have found myself often doing the same thing ... My thoughts seem to turn upward so often these days, especially as I have participated in these different conferences lately ... What does David hear? What does he see? More importantly, does he get to see Our Father delighting in these things, too? Oh, how awesome it would be to WITNESS our Lord and Savior delighting in what we offer up to Him ... to see the buzz in the heavenlies as worship gets ready to begin or how the clouds open for the praises to ascend ... to see the moment as He opens the gift of praise or the moment when a prayer first hits His ear ... or when the first tear falls into His hands ... how awesome it must be to witness the delight of the Lord. It really has changed the way I think in many ways ... I’ve become completely convinced that the things that make it to His throne are determined by the condition of the heart from which it is sent ... and, so I’m on a mission to purify the condition of my heart ... I realize I have so little else to give, I don't want anything to get lost from here to there!
This Father’s Day, we did celebrate our earthly Fathers, as well as our cousins’ and friends’ Dads, too ... but my favorite gift was the one I sent upward to my Father in Heaven, as I surrendered a few more longings and needs ... and dreams that I didn’t realize I was still holding on to ... and then I closed my eyes and watched my Father open my heart gifts, while David looked on, smiling, of course. The heavenlies were a buzz and the music played on and on ... and not surprisingly, He gave me something in return ... as is His way ... in return, He gave me a piece of my heart back ... fully restored ...because He is good.
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Prayer requests ...
Please continue to pray for the kids and our transition of life ... I’ve also been hesitant to ask for prayer for something as I’m just tired of the drama, but I know it is not God that is telling me not to ask for prayer ... so ... over the past couple of weeks, our small business was named in a lawsuit. It is related to the eBay store we were a part of for a short period and it has been hanging over our heads for 3-4 years, now ... from the moment we knew about the possible liability, God has given us peace and even though papers have now been filed, I still have peace ... but as I've learned over the past couple of years, peace does not necessarily mean that it will turn out the way that I want it to, but it does mean that God is in this and He knows what is best ... So, we surrender to His will ... ask for His grace and mercy ... Ask for His truths to be revealed, for protection against anything set out to destroy His plan for us or to keep His glory from being revealed ... to give us Words to speak, Light to see the path before us and His Peace that passes understanding ... oh yes, and endurance too ... Come Lord, Come!
Since I’ve last updated, we’ve had a lot going on ... experiencing a lot of ‘firsts’ and revisiting just as many ‘memories’ ... David’s birthday ... Emma’s preschool graduation ... a family wedding ... Isaac’s first home run ... Sam’s toothless grin ... vacationing at the Florida house with my family ... packing and traveling as a single parent ... Father’s Day ... tears still come often and easily, but we also try to get some laughs in there, too. It’s crazy how I’m constantly trying to reign in my emotions as they seem to be swinging all over the place and hyper-sensitive, to boot ... when my heart hurts, it doesn’t just hurt, it feels like it’s folding into itself ... when someone does something kind for us, I’m not just appreciative, I’m simply overwhelmed ... when the kids cuddle in, it’s not enough to hold them, I want to fold myself around them, surrounding them in one big protective bubble ...
It’s a constant walk and sometimes it feels like we’re walking in a snow storm where it takes 3 or 4 steps in the slushy stuff to feel like you’ve moved forward at all ... but in His amazing way, God continues to know what we need and provide everything just as we need it. These past couple of weeks, He knew that I would need a heavy dose of His presence, as He blessed me with different opportunities to get away to spend some time in Worship and sound teaching ... The first thing I’ve learned is that I can not afford to be out of His presence because when I’m in it, life makes sense ... when I’m not, I’m a mess! In His presence, He continues to confirm what He’s been saying to us all along ... ‘you have heard’ ... ‘I’m doing a new thing’ ... ‘I’m coming’ ... ‘be ready’. These Words have been like large directional signs along the path, encouraging me that we ARE going the right way, we just need to keep coming. Can anyone agree with me on how comforting it is when a directional sign pops up on a road where you’ve been lost, confirming you’re going the right way?!? More fuel for our crazy bus, to say the least, so we continue to look upward and call out ‘Come Lord, Come!’
This past weekend, Father’s Day was especially difficult for me ... It started weeks ago as our world is crazy with the consumer marketing ... You can not go anywhere or do anything without being reminded to ‘not forget Dad’ ... I knew it was not going to be easy to ignore this holiday, but never before in my life have I had so much compassion for the fatherless and how it feels to be reminded that you do not have a Dad. (The next time we’re inundated with this type of holiday marketing, say a prayer for those whose hearts are hurting with each reminder.) At first, I tried to protect the kids from it and then I decided that I wasn’t going to let satan gain a foothold, so I decided to talk about it and ask them how they wanted to celebrate their Dad. We had some ideas, but satan kept working on me through my emotions ... anger ... sadness ... regret ... roaring like a lion, devouring much of the ground that had been won back over the past few months. But as I watched my kids on Sunday, unselfishly supporting their cousins as they celebrated their Dads and unselfishly celebrating their Grandpas, too, it was obvious to me that something Heavenly was going on ... that their heavenly Father was standing in the gap for them, just like David used to do for them, too!
I’m not really sure if the kids truly understand how divinely they are being cared for, but to me (and others) I know that the only way to explain their peace and their joy is to give God all the glory for it. No other way to explain it. It got me thinking about Father’s Day and where our focus SHOULD be. I am very blessed to have two very Godly, earthly Dads (Mine and David’s), but unfortunately, I know that is not the norm for many. But, even WITH Godly father figures here on Earth, the truth is that we can not rely on them to be all that we long for a Dad to be ... Our Creator has placed in us the longing to be protected ... the longing to be provided for ... to be loved and encouraged unconditionally ... to have access to worldly wisdom when we don’t know what to do ... to be forgiven when we make a mess of things and to be held when we hurt ... to be accepted by laughing at our dumb knock-knock jokes and to show us that they want to be with us by playing with us on the beach or in the pool ... as great of a Dad that David was (and he truly was the best Dad!), he could never be everything that Isaac, Sam and Emma would need him to be ... not completely. I’m not saying that they are better off, trust me, I’m not even close to that thought, but what I’m trying to say is that when we put our hopes and dreams, our needs and longings into earthly things ... including people ... we are setting ourselves up for huge disappointments because people are not capable of filling the needs and the longings that God, Himself, has placed in us ... Only HE can do that. Isaac, Sam and Emma (and myself, too) are learning that only God can be there for them all the time, forever, every single time that they need Him. It was a revelation to me as I struggle to recreate myself to be what I think they were getting from David ... But no matter how I try, I can’t be what they need from a Father and I need to start teaching them that when they have a need or a longing that is not being met, they need to seek God whole-heartedly for it ... I can’t protect them from getting hurt, I can’t provide for them all their needs because I don’t KNOW all their needs ... It is a part of God’s plan to create these needs, these dreams, these longings in us so that we will come to Him to be filled ... only He can fill us because only He truly knows what we were created to need. People come and go in our lives, but God never leaves us ... People’s hearts change with the wind, but God’s heart is constant ... People will disappoint because they are not CAPABLE of providing all that we need ... but hope in the Lord will never disappoint (Isaiah 49:23). When we feel disappointed and/or a need not being filled, that needs to be our cue to seek God for it, as He is just longing to be all that we need.
A friend who has recently lost her son mentioned that as she worships, she often stops to listen to everyone singing around her and wonders what it must sound like in Heaven (which reminds me, Lynn, I’m sorry I’ve not responded to your email YET but you touched my heart!) ... I just smiled, because I have found myself often doing the same thing ... My thoughts seem to turn upward so often these days, especially as I have participated in these different conferences lately ... What does David hear? What does he see? More importantly, does he get to see Our Father delighting in these things, too? Oh, how awesome it would be to WITNESS our Lord and Savior delighting in what we offer up to Him ... to see the buzz in the heavenlies as worship gets ready to begin or how the clouds open for the praises to ascend ... to see the moment as He opens the gift of praise or the moment when a prayer first hits His ear ... or when the first tear falls into His hands ... how awesome it must be to witness the delight of the Lord. It really has changed the way I think in many ways ... I’ve become completely convinced that the things that make it to His throne are determined by the condition of the heart from which it is sent ... and, so I’m on a mission to purify the condition of my heart ... I realize I have so little else to give, I don't want anything to get lost from here to there!
This Father’s Day, we did celebrate our earthly Fathers, as well as our cousins’ and friends’ Dads, too ... but my favorite gift was the one I sent upward to my Father in Heaven, as I surrendered a few more longings and needs ... and dreams that I didn’t realize I was still holding on to ... and then I closed my eyes and watched my Father open my heart gifts, while David looked on, smiling, of course. The heavenlies were a buzz and the music played on and on ... and not surprisingly, He gave me something in return ... as is His way ... in return, He gave me a piece of my heart back ... fully restored ...because He is good.
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Prayer requests ...
Please continue to pray for the kids and our transition of life ... I’ve also been hesitant to ask for prayer for something as I’m just tired of the drama, but I know it is not God that is telling me not to ask for prayer ... so ... over the past couple of weeks, our small business was named in a lawsuit. It is related to the eBay store we were a part of for a short period and it has been hanging over our heads for 3-4 years, now ... from the moment we knew about the possible liability, God has given us peace and even though papers have now been filed, I still have peace ... but as I've learned over the past couple of years, peace does not necessarily mean that it will turn out the way that I want it to, but it does mean that God is in this and He knows what is best ... So, we surrender to His will ... ask for His grace and mercy ... Ask for His truths to be revealed, for protection against anything set out to destroy His plan for us or to keep His glory from being revealed ... to give us Words to speak, Light to see the path before us and His Peace that passes understanding ... oh yes, and endurance too ... Come Lord, Come!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
How much longer, Lord . . .
I’m sorry for the blackout of information ... we’ve been busy ... but not too busy. I’ve been tired ... but not too tired. Frankly, I just haven’t had much to say and haven’t felt much like talking. Ever have that type of day? How about weeks? months? years? I’m just tired of talking, so I tried listening ... but listening takes patience and somewhere in the darkness, I decided that waiting is over-rated. I’ve been waiting on the Lord for a lot of things ... believing ... expecting ... and where am I? Still waiting. How long am I suppose to wait? When have I waited long enough?
Tonight, I turned on a movie while I was folding laundry ... The 2nd installment of Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian. The kids were finally in bed and it was really too late to start a movie, but I need to return it tomorrow, so I just turned it on. To be honest, I wasn’t really in the mood for it, but part of me (probably the cheap part of me) didn’t want to return the movie unseen. How many of you know that God can move through ALL parts of your personality, including cheapness! What an awesome movie! I am so thankful my Jesus knows when I’ve sat in the darkness long enough and knows which Light to turn on ... the one that will not cause me to turn away, but instead the one that allows my eyes to open easily.
The movie was exactly what I needed to see ... to hear again that Aslan is on the move! For those who have been walking along side us for a while, you may remember that phrase, ‘Aslan is on the move’ ... it’s where our theme ‘God is on the Move’ came from, originating from the Narnia movies. The first movie is so full of symbolism and so much of it spoke to me throughout our walk last year, especially when we received our Easter miracle. I can not express what it felt like when God revealed to us that it was Jesus who took David’s place last year, when he was healed and able to come home ... in the movie, it is Aslan who gives His life in exchange for Edmond’s freedom, as we are reminded of our need for a Savior ... as the wages of sin is death.
In this second movie, the story was not at all what I expected ... The kids find themselves called back to Narnia only to find that the peace and happiness they left (accidentally), is no longer ... As a matter-of-fact, what has been just a year gone by in their ‘real lives’, has been centuries past in Narnia ... They find that all they knew and loved is long gone and they are only remembered as legends ... myths, really. They actually have to fight to remember if any of it was real, themselves. Throughout the movie, little Lucy keeps looking for, and from time-to-time catches glimpses of Aslan in the landscape ... but no one else sees Him and often scoffs as if He is not real, either ... ‘He has long abandoned Narnia’ is the comment more than once ... ‘Where is this Aslan of yours’ ...
I’m hearing that question a lot in my head these days, ‘Where is your God?’ It’s a good question and one that I’ve had trouble answering ...
Lucy cries out ‘I’m not crazy! I saw Him!’ ... familiar words once again. What to do with the question, ‘Where is your God?’ I know I’m not crazy! I know what I heard! I know what I saw! Where is my God? How long do I wait for the answer?
As the movie goes on, King Peter grows restless in the injustice that has grown in ‘his’ Narnia ... He buys into the lie that (1) it is HIS Narnia and (2) that if he had not left it, it would still be a place of peace because after all he was the one who brought peace to the land before, he can do it again. Little Lucy reminds him to remember that it was Aslan who defeated the witch, not him ... and Peter answers, ‘I think we’ve waited quite long enough for Aslan.’
With that comment, Peter leads the Narnians into war and they are defeated horribly ... bruised and beaten, some are wounded ... many are dead. But it is not over as now the enemy comes full force against them, knowing their numbers are reduced ... as they discuss ‘the plan’, little Lucy reminds them their only hope is in Aslan ... and FINALLY they agree and send her out to find him.
Isn’t it just like us to be in our darkest hour ... bruised and beaten, wounded ... and many of the people we know ... friends, friends of friends, and even family are dead and/or dying ... and EVEN THEN, we still think we have a plan that is better than His ... When will we get it that there IS NO PLAN better than His? I’ve got no plan. You’ve got no plan. We’ve got no plan. Nothing. We need to seek Him desperately and call out for Him to come and help us!
As Lucy rides for her life, ASLAN FINDS HER (by this time, I’m bawling) ... He finds her ... He was never far, but yet he allowed them to be defeated ... He allows her to ride quite a distance, being chased by the enemy ... but just as they got close enough, Aslan makes his move ... At first, it seemed like He might not have been himself and was actually going to attack Lucy, but instead He jumps over her head to take out the enemy as they were about to take her down. As she recovers from what just happened, she tentatively approaches him not sure she can trust him ... but as she realizes it IS HIM, she runs to Him and cries out ‘Oh Aslan, I knew it was you all along!’ and He says, ‘Why didn’t you come looking for me sooner, child?’ She responds, ‘No one believed me, but I knew it was you’ ... and He says, ‘Why should that have made a difference, Jill?’ ... Little Jill thought for a minute and says ‘Oh Aslan ... I am so sorry, please forgive me.’
How long do we wait? How long is too long? Friends, we wait until He comes. Period. He IS coming. He IS doing a NEW thing and while that might cause us to not recognize Him, it IS HIM! Our only role is to seek Him with all that we are and all that we have ... and then wait for Him to come. All along I’m thinking there’s something I’ve done or could do to make Him come faster, to fix things, to heal hearts, to make things right, to make sense of this world that makes no sense ... but it is HE that must do the work ... if there has been anything that has been me in the past, it is only because He has allowed me to be a part of HIS WORK ... all we can do is be ready for when He’s ready to move again. His character is to never leave us. His character is to never do nothing. While He often seems to wait until the very last minute, it is in those last minutes that we fully realize our need for Him so that IN THAT NEED, He is fulfilled. It is the NEED for Him that is glorifying, not our actions or words ... We simply have nothing else to offer Him that would even come close to how great our need is. While we may suffer anxiety as we are chased by the enemy in search to find Him, He is never but one leap away ... We may question if we see Him along the way ... but why should that matter? Don't let that keep us from seeking Him ... we know who He is ... we know He is coming ... and one thing guaranteed ... He is worth the wait!
HE IS COMING, Friends ... He is.
Come Lord Jesus, Come!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Tonight, I turned on a movie while I was folding laundry ... The 2nd installment of Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian. The kids were finally in bed and it was really too late to start a movie, but I need to return it tomorrow, so I just turned it on. To be honest, I wasn’t really in the mood for it, but part of me (probably the cheap part of me) didn’t want to return the movie unseen. How many of you know that God can move through ALL parts of your personality, including cheapness! What an awesome movie! I am so thankful my Jesus knows when I’ve sat in the darkness long enough and knows which Light to turn on ... the one that will not cause me to turn away, but instead the one that allows my eyes to open easily.
The movie was exactly what I needed to see ... to hear again that Aslan is on the move! For those who have been walking along side us for a while, you may remember that phrase, ‘Aslan is on the move’ ... it’s where our theme ‘God is on the Move’ came from, originating from the Narnia movies. The first movie is so full of symbolism and so much of it spoke to me throughout our walk last year, especially when we received our Easter miracle. I can not express what it felt like when God revealed to us that it was Jesus who took David’s place last year, when he was healed and able to come home ... in the movie, it is Aslan who gives His life in exchange for Edmond’s freedom, as we are reminded of our need for a Savior ... as the wages of sin is death.
In this second movie, the story was not at all what I expected ... The kids find themselves called back to Narnia only to find that the peace and happiness they left (accidentally), is no longer ... As a matter-of-fact, what has been just a year gone by in their ‘real lives’, has been centuries past in Narnia ... They find that all they knew and loved is long gone and they are only remembered as legends ... myths, really. They actually have to fight to remember if any of it was real, themselves. Throughout the movie, little Lucy keeps looking for, and from time-to-time catches glimpses of Aslan in the landscape ... but no one else sees Him and often scoffs as if He is not real, either ... ‘He has long abandoned Narnia’ is the comment more than once ... ‘Where is this Aslan of yours’ ...
I’m hearing that question a lot in my head these days, ‘Where is your God?’ It’s a good question and one that I’ve had trouble answering ...
Lucy cries out ‘I’m not crazy! I saw Him!’ ... familiar words once again. What to do with the question, ‘Where is your God?’ I know I’m not crazy! I know what I heard! I know what I saw! Where is my God? How long do I wait for the answer?
As the movie goes on, King Peter grows restless in the injustice that has grown in ‘his’ Narnia ... He buys into the lie that (1) it is HIS Narnia and (2) that if he had not left it, it would still be a place of peace because after all he was the one who brought peace to the land before, he can do it again. Little Lucy reminds him to remember that it was Aslan who defeated the witch, not him ... and Peter answers, ‘I think we’ve waited quite long enough for Aslan.’
With that comment, Peter leads the Narnians into war and they are defeated horribly ... bruised and beaten, some are wounded ... many are dead. But it is not over as now the enemy comes full force against them, knowing their numbers are reduced ... as they discuss ‘the plan’, little Lucy reminds them their only hope is in Aslan ... and FINALLY they agree and send her out to find him.
Isn’t it just like us to be in our darkest hour ... bruised and beaten, wounded ... and many of the people we know ... friends, friends of friends, and even family are dead and/or dying ... and EVEN THEN, we still think we have a plan that is better than His ... When will we get it that there IS NO PLAN better than His? I’ve got no plan. You’ve got no plan. We’ve got no plan. Nothing. We need to seek Him desperately and call out for Him to come and help us!
As Lucy rides for her life, ASLAN FINDS HER (by this time, I’m bawling) ... He finds her ... He was never far, but yet he allowed them to be defeated ... He allows her to ride quite a distance, being chased by the enemy ... but just as they got close enough, Aslan makes his move ... At first, it seemed like He might not have been himself and was actually going to attack Lucy, but instead He jumps over her head to take out the enemy as they were about to take her down. As she recovers from what just happened, she tentatively approaches him not sure she can trust him ... but as she realizes it IS HIM, she runs to Him and cries out ‘Oh Aslan, I knew it was you all along!’ and He says, ‘Why didn’t you come looking for me sooner, child?’ She responds, ‘No one believed me, but I knew it was you’ ... and He says, ‘Why should that have made a difference, Jill?’ ... Little Jill thought for a minute and says ‘Oh Aslan ... I am so sorry, please forgive me.’
How long do we wait? How long is too long? Friends, we wait until He comes. Period. He IS coming. He IS doing a NEW thing and while that might cause us to not recognize Him, it IS HIM! Our only role is to seek Him with all that we are and all that we have ... and then wait for Him to come. All along I’m thinking there’s something I’ve done or could do to make Him come faster, to fix things, to heal hearts, to make things right, to make sense of this world that makes no sense ... but it is HE that must do the work ... if there has been anything that has been me in the past, it is only because He has allowed me to be a part of HIS WORK ... all we can do is be ready for when He’s ready to move again. His character is to never leave us. His character is to never do nothing. While He often seems to wait until the very last minute, it is in those last minutes that we fully realize our need for Him so that IN THAT NEED, He is fulfilled. It is the NEED for Him that is glorifying, not our actions or words ... We simply have nothing else to offer Him that would even come close to how great our need is. While we may suffer anxiety as we are chased by the enemy in search to find Him, He is never but one leap away ... We may question if we see Him along the way ... but why should that matter? Don't let that keep us from seeking Him ... we know who He is ... we know He is coming ... and one thing guaranteed ... He is worth the wait!
HE IS COMING, Friends ... He is.
Come Lord Jesus, Come!
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Monday, May 11, 2009
Here and now ...
Hi Friends,
Thank you for your continued prayers ... God is good and He continues to sustain and provide.
Tonight’s devotion with the kids went straight to my heart ...
Life continues to be busy and while I’m really hoping to slow down, soon, I’m also trying to look for God in it all. Over the past week, I’ve had the chance to ‘go deep’ with a couple family and friends and I feel like I’m getting a better feel for what God is doing ... or maybe a more accurate assessment is to say I’m getting a better PEACE in what God is doing ... I don’t claim to yet know WHAT or WHY, but I know He IS, and that’s becoming enough. As I was encouraging a friend in something she’s going through this week, I heard God give advice through me, that was actually FOR me, too! Have you ever had that happen to you, when He uses you to speak wisdom to yourself!?! You stand there saying something to someone, not knowing where the words are coming from, but knowing it’s truth and then you hear that voice that says ‘are you listening to what you’re saying, Jill??’ He does it to me A LOT, especially when I’m parenting the kids ... as if I need to be parented, or something!! He is an awesome God ... patient and kind. Well, this particular Word was to encourage her to look for Him in what she’s going through ... in the waiting ... in the wanting ... taking the situation as an OPPORTUNITY to learn something new about her God ... about my God. I’m starting to believe that my state of ‘confusion and numbness’ has been intentional ... maybe even an act of grace and mercy to get me to NOT move forward on my own ... to get me to hold still and to wait on Him. In this state, what else can I really do, but wait on Him ? Here I’m thinking I’m not moving forward because a gear has been stripped, or something worse has broken and/or in need of repair, but perhaps God has just shifted me to neutral to rest that engine a while as we ride this hill down together ... waiting on His perfect plan to be fulfilled.
Why is neutral so uncomfortable? What is it about rest that makes us so restless? While I love the beach, even when I’m on vacation, I find myself dreadfully counting the days until we have to go home! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM! Why is it difficult to stay in the day ... fully immersed in His provision ... in His kindness ... His glory? No wonder it’s difficult to pray for and receive our daily bread ... we are so used to buying 3 loaves when we shop: 1 to use, 1 ‘in case’ and 1 to freeze ... how much better is the bread when it’s fresh, and made daily? MUCH BETTER, and we certainly know that satan doesn't want us to have any of that!!
Father, forgive me for missing all that you have for me in ‘neutral’ ... forgive me for missing your intimate gifts of ‘today’ ... all the little things that you do for me that are meant to be fresh and meant to delight me in each moment of ‘now’. Forgive me for looking past your shoulder for what ‘is to be’, instead of looking into your eyes for what ‘is’. Please help me to submit to your gentle leading ... to your 'here', and 'now'. I don’t want to miss a thing and I know there is more ... please help me to not only rest in the unknown, but to recognize that it is YOUR unknown ... and to become unaware, that it's even there.
More Lord, more ...
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Thank you for your continued prayers ... God is good and He continues to sustain and provide.
Tonight’s devotion with the kids went straight to my heart ...
Isaiah 40:11 ... He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.And that is exactly what I feel He is doing ... carrying ... holding His lambs close ... and gently leading their Mom ... everything a good shepherd does. And so I add to my List of Truths (see right margin), a reminder of God’s character: He is a good shepherd.
Life continues to be busy and while I’m really hoping to slow down, soon, I’m also trying to look for God in it all. Over the past week, I’ve had the chance to ‘go deep’ with a couple family and friends and I feel like I’m getting a better feel for what God is doing ... or maybe a more accurate assessment is to say I’m getting a better PEACE in what God is doing ... I don’t claim to yet know WHAT or WHY, but I know He IS, and that’s becoming enough. As I was encouraging a friend in something she’s going through this week, I heard God give advice through me, that was actually FOR me, too! Have you ever had that happen to you, when He uses you to speak wisdom to yourself!?! You stand there saying something to someone, not knowing where the words are coming from, but knowing it’s truth and then you hear that voice that says ‘are you listening to what you’re saying, Jill??’ He does it to me A LOT, especially when I’m parenting the kids ... as if I need to be parented, or something!! He is an awesome God ... patient and kind. Well, this particular Word was to encourage her to look for Him in what she’s going through ... in the waiting ... in the wanting ... taking the situation as an OPPORTUNITY to learn something new about her God ... about my God. I’m starting to believe that my state of ‘confusion and numbness’ has been intentional ... maybe even an act of grace and mercy to get me to NOT move forward on my own ... to get me to hold still and to wait on Him. In this state, what else can I really do, but wait on Him ? Here I’m thinking I’m not moving forward because a gear has been stripped, or something worse has broken and/or in need of repair, but perhaps God has just shifted me to neutral to rest that engine a while as we ride this hill down together ... waiting on His perfect plan to be fulfilled.
Why is neutral so uncomfortable? What is it about rest that makes us so restless? While I love the beach, even when I’m on vacation, I find myself dreadfully counting the days until we have to go home! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM! Why is it difficult to stay in the day ... fully immersed in His provision ... in His kindness ... His glory? No wonder it’s difficult to pray for and receive our daily bread ... we are so used to buying 3 loaves when we shop: 1 to use, 1 ‘in case’ and 1 to freeze ... how much better is the bread when it’s fresh, and made daily? MUCH BETTER, and we certainly know that satan doesn't want us to have any of that!!
Father, forgive me for missing all that you have for me in ‘neutral’ ... forgive me for missing your intimate gifts of ‘today’ ... all the little things that you do for me that are meant to be fresh and meant to delight me in each moment of ‘now’. Forgive me for looking past your shoulder for what ‘is to be’, instead of looking into your eyes for what ‘is’. Please help me to submit to your gentle leading ... to your 'here', and 'now'. I don’t want to miss a thing and I know there is more ... please help me to not only rest in the unknown, but to recognize that it is YOUR unknown ... and to become unaware, that it's even there.
More Lord, more ...
[comment on this entry] [sign guestbook]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)