Here and now ...

Hi Friends,
Thank you for your continued prayers ... God is good and He continues to sustain and provide.

Tonight’s devotion with the kids went straight to my heart ...

Isaiah 40:11 ... He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.

And that is exactly what I feel He is doing ... carrying ... holding His lambs close ... and gently leading their Mom ... everything a good shepherd does. And so I add to my List of Truths (see right margin), a reminder of God’s character: He is a good shepherd.

Life continues to be busy and while I’m really hoping to slow down, soon, I’m also trying to look for God in it all. Over the past week, I’ve had the chance to ‘go deep’ with a couple family and friends and I feel like I’m getting a better feel for what God is doing ... or maybe a more accurate assessment is to say I’m getting a better PEACE in what God is doing ... I don’t claim to yet know WHAT or WHY, but I know He IS, and that’s becoming enough. As I was encouraging a friend in something she’s going through this week, I heard God give advice through me, that was actually FOR me, too! Have you ever had that happen to you, when He uses you to speak wisdom to yourself!?! You stand there saying something to someone, not knowing where the words are coming from, but knowing it’s truth and then you hear that voice that says ‘are you listening to what you’re saying, Jill??’ He does it to me A LOT, especially when I’m parenting the kids ... as if I need to be parented, or something!! He is an awesome God ... patient and kind. Well, this particular Word was to encourage her to look for Him in what she’s going through ... in the waiting ... in the wanting ... taking the situation as an OPPORTUNITY to learn something new about her God ... about my God. I’m starting to believe that my state of ‘confusion and numbness’ has been intentional ... maybe even an act of grace and mercy to get me to NOT move forward on my own ... to get me to hold still and to wait on Him. In this state, what else can I really do, but wait on Him ? Here I’m thinking I’m not moving forward because a gear has been stripped, or something worse has broken and/or in need of repair, but perhaps God has just shifted me to neutral to rest that engine a while as we ride this hill down together ... waiting on His perfect plan to be fulfilled.

Why is neutral so uncomfortable? What is it about rest that makes us so restless? While I love the beach, even when I’m on vacation, I find myself dreadfully counting the days until we have to go home! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM! Why is it difficult to stay in the day ... fully immersed in His provision ... in His kindness ... His glory? No wonder it’s difficult to pray for and receive our daily bread ... we are so used to buying 3 loaves when we shop: 1 to use, 1 ‘in case’ and 1 to freeze ... how much better is the bread when it’s fresh, and made daily? MUCH BETTER, and we certainly know that satan doesn't want us to have any of that!!

Father, forgive me for missing all that you have for me in ‘neutral’ ... forgive me for missing your intimate gifts of ‘today’ ... all the little things that you do for me that are meant to be fresh and meant to delight me in each moment of ‘now’. Forgive me for looking past your shoulder for what ‘is to be’, instead of looking into your eyes for what ‘is’. Please help me to submit to your gentle leading ... to your 'here', and 'now'. I don’t want to miss a thing and I know there is more ... please help me to not only rest in the unknown, but to recognize that it is YOUR unknown ... and to become unaware, that it's even there.

More Lord, more ...

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